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C2V
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22 May 2015, 12:39 pm

I'm curious of this is autism related or just uptight related.
In living with others, I have noted that most people seem to be very casual, even with new flatmates. They are comfortable wandering around half dressed (all genders), in pyjamas, not groomed, wrapped in towels, leave personal belongings everywhere, take private phonecalls in public hearing, leave computer searches open and walk away, hang underwear in communal spaces, sleep in front of the TV - you get the idea.
I in contrast tend to be very private. If living with other people, I won't leave the room unless fully dressed, often down to the boots, and I dress so 99% of me is covered in all weathers. I'll only talk on the phone with the door closed so no one can hear, keep my things only in my room, am uncomfortable with people snooping on me in any regard, and I'm hyper-vigilant in company.
It's just another way that I appear "stand-offish" as I'm told I never "relax." But in a way, I find this just protective for me, and demonstrating respect for other people.
Opinions?


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OliveOilMom
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22 May 2015, 4:35 pm

Some people are more private about things than others. There isn't anything wrong with what any of you are doing, it's just a matter of personal preference on everyone's part. I wouldn't say it was uptight unless you were going around saying how wrong it is of them to do that and nobody should be comfortable that way, etc. What I hear you saying is that you prefer to be more private and don't understand how other people are comfortable with not being that way.

I'm the opposite of you. I don't mind if someone sees me in might clothes and I don't care who sees my underwear that I've left in my house. I'll take out the garbage or go get the mail in my nightgown, it doesn't matter to me, it's my yard, I'm not hurting anybody lol. Also, I lay out in the sun in a small two piece bathing suit and I don't mind walking around in that either. I'm 51 and nobody's oogling me, so it's nobody's concern here although ten years ago when I did it I would get some looks, but not anymore. Didn't bother me then and doesn't bother me now. I think I lose most of my shyness when my first baby was born. I was somewhat shy and private up until that point. He was born at the hospital I worked at, and I worked in NICU and L&D so I knew everybody there. He had meconium so NICU came over for the delivery, plus a lot of friends were there too, as everybody always comes over when somebody who works there has a baby. When you are in a room surrounded by about 15 of your friends and co-workers, naked from the waist down with your feet up in stirrups, screaming your head off and everybody is staring at your twat, you never get back that same level of shyness you had before. Then again, I've seen the bottom half of quite a few girls I worked with back then when they gave birth, and when you see that kind of thing everyday anyway, it's really no big deal.

I think you just like privacy, and there isn't anything wrong with that. Of course some people go the opposite way to the extreme. This one kid who used to come over here and hang out with mine, about 5 or 6 years back, would never shut the bathroom door when he peed. Sometimes he would push it half closed, but he'd go in there and pee and still be talking to folks in the other room while he did it. I'd always yell at him about it, but he would always do it. He came from a big family where they never shut the bathroom door, so ok. When my kids were little and I was home with them alone, I never shut it when I went because I wanted to make sure I could hear what was going on in the other room. My kids were little shits at times and would get into stuff if I was out of the room, so I kept the door open. I've never been shy like that around them and they have all always walked in the bathroom when I've been in there either on the toilet or even in the tub. They still do to this day and it doesn't bother any of us, but that's just me. Some people would have a fit if anybody came in the bathroom while they were in there, and thats ok too.

I don't see anything wrong with how you are, so don't let other folks make you feel bad about it.


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HighLlama
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23 May 2015, 6:28 am

C2V wrote:
I'm curious of this is autism related or just uptight related.
In living with others, I have noted that most people seem to be very casual, even with new flatmates. They are comfortable wandering around half dressed (all genders), in pyjamas, not groomed, wrapped in towels, leave personal belongings everywhere, take private phonecalls in public hearing, leave computer searches open and walk away, hang underwear in communal spaces, sleep in front of the TV - you get the idea.
I in contrast tend to be very private. If living with other people, I won't leave the room unless fully dressed, often down to the boots, and I dress so 99% of me is covered in all weathers. I'll only talk on the phone with the door closed so no one can hear, keep my things only in my room, am uncomfortable with people snooping on me in any regard, and I'm hyper-vigilant in company.
It's just another way that I appear "stand-offish" as I'm told I never "relax." But in a way, I find this just protective for me, and demonstrating respect for other people.
Opinions?


I am largely the same way. I think I feel like I'm not myself if I'm too open as most people are. It's like I'm living in their world, or their body, and not mine.


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ASPartOfMe
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23 May 2015, 12:44 pm

I am pretty "private" about these matters. I think it is more generational and the environment I grew up in then autism related. I think people are generally less "uptight" about these things then they used to be.


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26 May 2015, 3:43 pm

I'm private like that too but I think it's more to do with how I was raised. My parents criticized me alot & violated my privacy some so I became more private in order to not get fussed & have my own space more. I'm not as private living with my girlfriend because I feel really comfortable with her but I'm still somewhat private at times.


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rarebit
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26 May 2015, 3:54 pm

C2V wrote:
I in contrast tend to be very private. If living with other people, I won't leave the room unless fully dressed, often down to the boots, and I dress so 99% of me is covered in all weathers. I'll only talk on the phone with the door closed so no one can hear, keep my things only in my room, am uncomfortable with people snooping on me in any regard, and I'm hyper-vigilant in company.
It's just another way that I appear "stand-offish" as I'm told I never "relax." But in a way, I find this just protective for me, and demonstrating respect for other people.


Down to a T 90% of the time...

C2V wrote:
In living with others, I have noted that most people seem to be very casual, even with new flatmates. They are comfortable wandering around half dressed (all genders), in pyjamas, not groomed, wrapped in towels, leave personal belongings everywhere, take private phonecalls in public hearing, leave computer searches open and walk away,hang underwear in communal spaces, sleep in front of the TV - you get the idea.


I'm an organised messy person, I need "randomness" too much order annoys me, I prefer abstract to essentialism.

Sometimes you've got to test the half dressedness thing lol! Try it very very hung over ;)

The semi-personal belongings would probably be signs / messages for others. Same for public phone calls, I only do them if I want to talk to someone I can't, very subtextual.


Be aware I was a late diagnosis and spent a long time down between the cracks!



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28 May 2015, 1:04 am

I am very much like that too, C2V. Nudity (including partial nudity), phone calls, stuff I'm doing on the PC... I need privacy for all of that.
Even when I was on school I would lean over the paper was writing on if the teacher stopped nearby, despite the fact that I was gonna submit it minutes later. But as long as I was writing it, I couldn't stand anyone seeing it.


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