Why I am stupid idiot?

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I wonder why my aspie brain and my loss of hearing makes my social life so ret*d and stupid idiot? I can't believe I am 24 and still a world's biggest virgin loser in social life. I don't have 'proper' friends. I can't understand why this so. I have been everywhere getting into forming in social groups, interest groups, group classes and my postgraduate degree. The problem to me is when engaging conversation with people. I know how it works because I have been trained and counselling for ten years, and still going. Yes because life is a fecked up world to me!

I tend to get angry at myself because of poor and broken social life, where I go to events and stuff it fails to meet my expectations. I can't even made a new friend. A person who is going to communicate you and stuff. Also women always run away scared from me. They don't even look forward to me. I wonder why? I thought I am a great good with great passion, admiration and good manners and maturity. I don't do stupid mainstream things like alcohol and drugs of what everyone in entire planet is being dependent on.

But instead, I get myself being stupid for being an aspie and deafie person. I think both disabilities made my life harder than I thought and it probably never going to solve the problems. I need the NT and everyone else to fix their attitude problems first before I can fix my disabilities! I wish the world is nicer than I thought. Why I can't make new friends and a girlfriend? It bloody outrageous. I tend to get jealous see and hear my friends especially over Facebook and in interest groups at uni and my city they have a better social life than me. It makes me feel so sad. I don't have depression but instead I get sad and angry because I tried so hard to get to the achievements!

Only achievements I get is scholarships, awards, student leader at my university, postgraduate degree, pension money and stuff. Yes I am happy with myself because of those stuff makes who I am. Because I am bloody committed and responsible person at life. BUT why not the social side of it? WHY! I meet more people who have both life achievements and social life than nothing.

Fecking tell me why! It has been long six years of college and university, and NOTHING has changed! It driving me nuts and want life to shut up. I can't believe I got angry suddenly at this last night because it highlights other people are much more successful at life than me. They get relationships, friends, sex and everything. I don't have it and I struggle for million of years! I wonder what I going to be like at 30 years old. A world's best virgin working for the government (as predicted for my job because of my grades and stuff) and eventually labelled as 40 year old stupid idiot virgin? I know movies and dreams a fairytale but this bloody nonsense bigotry need to stop!

My next counsellor appointment is on 3rd of June, its that late because of so many booked out because other people at uni is stealing my shine of all of the appointments I needed. Bloody ten years of this and why nothing changed. Don't tell me its my attitude. I only get this kind of attitude at this sad and angry. I rarely approach people in this attitude. I always happy, proactive and engaging with people trying to make social life looks NORMAL for me.

So I guess this all normal stuff and trying to be a NT is not working. All of that bloody fecked up nerves and rewired stuff in my mental brain isn't capable of life. I can't even write english properly since it is my first language its because of my disabilities ruining it. I did programs to retest my english skills twice and nothing has changed! See? I tried everything and nothing has changed. I better off be shut up and be antisocial person to everyone because of who I am. A happy and proactive aspie/deafie stupid idiot.

First let me extend a big virtual hug. You seem like you need one. Noone can make you feel stupid but your self. Like all people there will be times you fail and times you succeed. Wether or not you let your negative or positive attributes define you is entirely up to you. I see you try to disprove this belief you have about yourself as stupid and a failure. But you are only a failure or success by your own definition. Try instead to gradually accept yourself as you are and do your best. Comparing yourself to others is not only futile, but self destrutive. You are perfect just the way you are.

I feel the same way. I wish I could find sexual partners, friends, career, and stuff other people have too. Hugs!

I can relate to your frustrations about years of therapy and hard effort. My experience has been that such things do benefit me, but do not effect a total cure. I am left with a seemingly lifelong task of learning to accept life on life's terms.

What are you really asking? Do you want to accept who you are or do you want to be more NT?