What's with my self-esteem?
So I've known for a while that I have low self esteem. One thing I struggle with is a buried anger at the world, like everyone consciously excludes me. I also struggle with jealousy towards everyone else, like how a friend of mine has had countless romantic relationships all throughout high school while I've never had a single one. I feel like a creep every time I talk to people, and I always think of people yelling at me or telling me to shut up because said people don't care about what I have to say (i.e. my family and teachers in the past). Any nuggets of advice?
I've always tried to remember to keep my stories etc short... if I feel like I am the only one talking or letting people talk, I try to make a conscious effort to let other people talk, to ask questions about them. It takes effort, but it makes them not hate me... I hope. I do always feel like everyone hates me though, when I meet them, if they don't respond to my texts or whatever. I can't seem to fix that.
I feel that way (hated) about myself, too. People do hate me for unreasonable reasons (reading sarcasm into my words, untrue nasty rumors, being awkward etc.). It hurt me a lot and gave me very low self-esteem. However, I've realized that it's actually not my problem. If anything, they are the ones projecting themselves onto my words/actions. So I stopped caring and have started to look down on them for having such rotten minds. Just being rational makes you realize that you are better than they. Trying to be liked by such people just doesn't make sense.
And as the person above said, let them talk. You don't need to volunteer information.
You should focus on something that you are interested in. I don't know what you are interested in, but for example, you could spend time on computer programming, games, foreign languages, a musical instrument etc. If you don't already have one, then find one. I'm not trying to distract you from how you feel. Someone who's passionate about, good at and focused on something tends to have some confidence and be more attractive. Also it will give you some authority about that topic and you'll find people who would love to talk with you about it. It may not always work in this way straight away but it's a good start.
I too suffer from anger towards the world and jealousy. I'm mad at the world because of the way I was treated, and the way my life as turned out so far. I'm also jealous of the people who basically do whatever they want and get away with it, especially when it comes to relationships. Like how some guys cheat on their girlfriends/wives and the women still go back to them. Or if they do split up then the next day they are able date someone else. It's like there are no consequences for their actions.
I myself suffer from tremendous anger and jealousy. As an Asperger sufferer, I was belittled often by peers in public school growing up and am completely unhappy with how my life has turned out so far as well. I hate people who can practically do whatever they want get away with it, in every area of life including relationships. Some people just have it way too easy, especially when responsibility of negative actions are not taken.
I have developed an extreme disregard towards the genetically privileged neurotypicals.
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