My Resistance to Change is Showing

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Today was supposed to go:

-wake up at the crack of dawn to open and work (and drop kids off, who weren't planning to wake so early)
-work
-study for a few hours
-date night with my husband at Restaurant A
-pick up supplies for work
-kids to bed in some unknown way
-prep for work tomorrow using bought supplies

All went fine until:
-babysitter wasn't clear about pickup time at last minute
-piano teacher wanted to change son's lesson time--on the day of the lesson (babysitter was bringing son to lesson...if she got there in the updated time...)
-husband was a few hours late home from work
-we were both too depressed to go to Restaurant A, so we saw a movie instead
-movie got out and it's too close to bedtime to eat dinner
-pick up kids for bedtime


(Currently, my husband is doing before-bed wrestles with the kids while I write this post and drink wine. )

I should be able to go with the flow...but I'm not. And, it's probably not entirely helpful to ask a bunch of other people who have trouble too...

I haven't eaten dinner. I don't have what I need for work.

At least you saw a movie--you didn't just lie around the house doing nothing.

Just take a second to take a deep breath. Once you do that, you'll be able to find out what you need for work.

You know what? This is what parents ALWAYS go through with kids.

I think you'll be okay.

I know. I guess that's why I posted here and drank wine instead of doing something else. I know it'll pass.

In the moment, I just feel paralyzed as to what to do to get back on track. When I have too many things going or too many decisions to make, it makes my brain muscles shut down.

Seeing everything in writing here is actually helping me process it.

See, I just want to shut down the day. Not get what I need for work. Not do laundry. Not get the dishwasher started. Not make lunches for tomorrow.

I just can't jump back in.

And I still haven't eaten dinner.

I should go help read stories to the kids...

I have the same thing, occur, when I have to many things to do, or I fall behind and then have trouble prioritizing, or, if there is the slightest change in plans, et al . I literally shutdown and my mind goes blank. You mentioned that you hadn't eaten dinner, yet. This would be the first thing I would need to do, before anything, else. I cannot (mentally) function if I am hungry, or my brain is depleted of fuel. Once I eat, I am better able to sort out how I will proceed, based on the changes that have occurred, and I have a better chance of completing the tasks at hand.

Can you go to bed and get up early to pack lunches, etc.?

The time I have to get up is already pushing it, so that's not a particularly good plan...no matter how much I like it.

My husband told me he'd take care of all of bedtime if I go get what I need for work and buy us take out. I'm waiting for take out now.

It will be okay, I think. I'm letting myself panic until I get back home. Then, I have to figure it out and move on.

I know I just made a big deal out not much.

I would have been upset. Going to bed after brushing teeth/flossing is how I handle it and get up early to deal the rest. It sounds like you have a good solution right now.

LOL...This is why a two-parent household could be the best for kids.

At least there's Daddy putting the kids to sleep. Had there been only Mommy....now that would have been difficult!

Yep. He's been gone for 6 weeks...home for 3 days...

My yesterday was messed up from my plans too, but the good thing was I learned some things and got some things done, then today something came up on short notice, but I got right on it and did some work, then tomorrow I just told someone to text me without planning when something to going to happen, but by Friday, I hope to get back to my usual routine, because I need some routine to function best.

'Yes' to shutdown preceded by inability to prioritize when overwhelmed, and 'yes' to food always helping (and hunger never helping whatsoever). I find the first two slow steps toward emotional paralysis and growing self-hatred, leading to full-on meltdowns or multiple-day emotional shutdowns and mutism, are often totally exacerbated by, if not actually correlated with lack of food intake... 6 p.m. on weekend days when I have not managed to eat since 8 a.m. are dangerous times...

Wine is always good -- especially if you keep my crackers and cheese handy. Hope you survived the day and remember that tomorrow is a new day, to do the messy business of living and planning and meltdowns and shutdowns all over again. Ye joy!

If something is stressing you out, screen_name, it is worthy of discussing and seeking support for. One person's stressor is another person's 'chill' -- as I have grown older, I have found it more and more important to claim significance of a challenging time without being apologetic about it. Those who care (even in the abstract world of online forums) will respond with support and suggestions and validation. Those who don't -- well, they will respond to something else another day.

Yikes! That sounds crazy tough. Hats off to you, screen_name. What are you writing/working on? From your comments, it sounds like you are in thesis/dissertation writing-misery mode (or I might be projecting... ).