Can we take any legal action against children who won't sto

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League_Girl
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21 Jun 2015, 2:13 pm

victorytea wrote:
Oliveoil, Caleb is much too spiritual to take the approach of striking back. He won,t even retaliate to name calling by calling a name back. He says "2 wrongs don't make a right" I.E. He is of the turn the other cheek model. My 1st boy who is 25 years older than Caleb learned not to put up with anything from bullying kids but he is a lot different than Caleb. The road we have to take with Caleb is to protect in a realistic manner and to be available when he wants to talk about the meanness of others. The incident when he was kicked in the privates was reported to the school by me and found out that the neighbor said he was just closing his locker and "spontaneously" his foot went up in the air and hit Caleb. The school officials bought into this explanation. very frustrating. We are not going to move. Paul




I don't know how old your boy is but that is a shame he won't stand up for himself. My husband had the same attitude too as your boy and that is what made him a perfect target for bullies. They knew he would never fight back so they teased him and all bullies are cowards. They will either gain up on someone or pick on someone who won't or can't fend for themselves. Unfortunately I always got in trouble for fighting back and kids still teased me. Unfortunetly today, a kid can be charged with assault now and have it be on their criminal record and that won't be good for their adulthood. The youngest I ever heard about someone having a criminal record was a woman in prison who didn't meed the qualification to keep her baby in prison with her until her release was due to something she did when she was ten. She did assault on another kid for getting into a fight. I thought that was bogus but rules were rules and one of the requirements was must not have any criminal records but the fact that she got one from when she was ten is what I called bogus.


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Waterfalls
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21 Jun 2015, 2:44 pm

Age makes a big difference, about how old is Caleb?



victorytea
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21 Jun 2015, 6:25 pm

Waterfalls; he has an IEP due to his aspergers and also his hemihypertrophy. I plan to work more closely with the school to make things better for Caleb. The odd thing is - he likes school. Paul



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21 Jun 2015, 10:37 pm

victorytea wrote:
Waterfalls; he has an IEP due to his aspergers and also his hemihypertrophy. I plan to work more closely with the school to make things better for Caleb. The odd thing is - he likes school. Paul

That's wonderful that he likes school!

Some people are uunhelpful. It's frustrating when someone is unresponsive but there's often somewhere you can turn. Perhaps his special Ed Teacher or OT?

We have neighbors who hate us too, it started with labeling my daughter. Some people are just nasty, there is no competing with them they will be nastier than Caleb



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22 Jun 2015, 11:13 am

For your home, I suggest a privacy fence and a security camera. Also, your son should not be allowed to interact with those children anymore. My son is overly-forgiving of bullies, and does not sense impending danger; if your son is the same, you will need to insist that he stay away from them.



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22 Jun 2015, 11:45 am

So here is something that helped us recently.

Have him keep a written record of events detailing the who/what/when/where aspects of each bullying event. A journal constitutes very solid evidence especially if it shows a pattern over time AND the bully has nothing with which to refute it.

One thing my daughter has going for her is her lists and her need to count things. When she is getting bullied we can #1 go straight to the principals office and she will say something like "Today Sam pushed me 2 times, once in from of the bathroom at 9am and once on the playground at around 11:15am. She called me fat three times, once after reading, once during recess, and again at lunch. She also spat on me twice, called me a baby 3 times, tripped me once, and tried to pants me at around 8:35 am." Then #2 we also keep a journal of all of this. It's been more than enough to get action on bullies, even at summer programs where they normally really don't care. The great thing here is that she is very black and white and doesn't even consider mild things as teasing or bullying. She will right out pull out specific events (11:45am, Sam and her friend all pointed and laughed at me for 5 minutes... I have no idea why). and leave the minor stuff because it either went right over her head, or wasn't bothersome.

Anyway a record of events with dates and approximate times and locations can be very helpful ESPECIALLY if you need to go to the police. IT makes them take you much more seriously.



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22 Jun 2015, 12:01 pm

Caleb will be ten this coming Saturday. Gosh, there has some wonderful, helpful, thoughtful responses to my post. Thank You. I don't mean stop now and will continue to check for any further advice. Paul



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22 Jun 2015, 12:17 pm

victorytea wrote:
We have tried everything to stop the harassment and bullying directed at my son Caleb. Nothing is helping and I was thinking maybe some authority could talk to these guys and cite specific laws that they may be breaking. Next question; are there any such laws? Paul


There is no law against bullying per say, but there are some subsets of bullying that are illegal such as harassment, battery and in certain U.S states it is illegal to distribute false, offensive information about someone.

Cite laws, I've tried that man they don't listen. They always harass us and when we recite laws they don't give a s**t, they often state that.

Let the authorities handle it. However, authorities might make it even worse.


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22 Jun 2015, 3:32 pm

Hitting back may work sometimes, but it is a risky proposition to ask a kid on the spectrum to navigate all the information required to distinguish between when it's appropriate to hit back and when it isn't: take it from a parent who never taught their kid that, but whose kid was, while under observation by the school psychologist, observed as hitting another child after tripping over them in gym (he could not tell the difference between the kids who were bullying him by pushing him and the kid who just happened to be in his way.)

I also don't recommend talking to the parents unless they are good friends: I have had mixed success in that regard. In one instance, the parent (a good friend) worked with me to help our kids at least disengage...in another the parent (also, at the time, a friend) blamed my child and my parenting for the entire situation that her child was responsible for.

My suggestion is to go up the chain of command starting with the school. First, document every instance of bullying with as much information as possible: date, time, location, who was there including adults who should have been supervising. Once you have this, request a meeting at school with your teacher, the principal, and the social worker and show them the information you have collected. Ask what they plan to do to protect your child. You can continue going up the chain of command at the schools via the superintendent and the state or regional board of education.

If the school does not give you the support you need, you should contact the local police: harassment is against the law, particularly physical harassment but also verbal threats, cyberbullying etc. Since your child is identified as having a disability, this is a civil rights issue and is covered by the ADA.

Lots of good information here: http://www.stopbullying.gov/get-help-now/



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24 Jun 2015, 10:47 pm

He's ten years old, so I don't know how much spiritual that is and how much it is that he's just doing what he's been told about the two wrongs don't make a right, etc. and trying to say what he thinks you want to hear. Even Jesus got mad enough to throw the money changers out of the temple. Unless he's the next Dhali Lama I don't see what the upside is to reinforcing that kind of behavior in him. Also, you don't want him to let this go until things get so much worse that he does get actually hurt. So, I'd really underscore the point for him that he needs to stand up for himself. It won't hurt his soul or spirituality or whatever it is that he's worried about if he stands up for himself. Yes, it may mean he gets hurt a little physically but that's something that everyone has to go through when learning to stand up for themselves when they are being bullied badly. It's not a pleasant thing but it's part of life for many of us.

I'd encourage you to get him to move past the spiritual zen like part of it and start standing up for himself and also to get him some boxing training. That will be much more helpful than any of the martial arts stuff you find in the usual places.


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26 Jun 2015, 9:01 am

My son is eight. I have a feeling that if this was happening to us in our yard, in our neighborhood, I'd be right out there talking to the kids. I have no tolerance for bullying. I would likely say something to them like, "does this make you feel good, like you are funny? you are hurting someone's feelings that you should be kind to. You don't have to play with him but being purposefully mean is downright cruel".
Another approach that worked for a friend was this-
her aspie son was told, no you can't play with us by the neighborhood boys. So she set up a really fun activity in the front yard with him and her daughter. I think it was water balloons. They made a point of being silly and laughing and having a blast. The boys did eventually come over and ask to play, and she said very politely, no, I'm sorry, you said you didn't want to play with him today. Maybe another time.
Praying for your son.