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DierWolf
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29 Mar 2007, 7:59 pm

I am an older adult who has recently been diagnosed with Asperger's. Up untill that time, I could never understand what was wrong with me, why I could not carry on small talk, why crowds send me up a wall, and why I can work on a project for days and not notice the time. I have also become aware of how much damage my condition has done to my marrage and the ones that I love. I am interested in speaking to others who may be in a marrage with a non-asbergers partner, to find out how they handle it. Anyways, it will be nice just to talk to some people who can understand.



hyperbolic
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29 Mar 2007, 8:02 pm

Welcome to WP!

I hope you continue to find the answers you are looking for!



Litguy
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29 Mar 2007, 8:23 pm

I sometimes marvel at my wife's patience. I find that I have a very poor inner censor. Sometimes I'll think to say something, and part of me knows not to, but out it blurts anyway. And, of course, I never know when to drop something.

I have two sons diagnosed with autism. While I am undiagnosed, learning about autism to help my boys I read about AS. When I read the stories of those who have it, like in your case, my whole life story suddenly made sense. What a relief to have a reason.

Anyway, I know that I'm a trial for my wife sometimes. We are celebrating our 2th anniversary this year and it is clear that I married a woman with a very generous nature.



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29 Mar 2007, 10:09 pm

Welcome Dierwolf,

I am a Dino, from before time, 60. There are a group of us around. Knowing has made me a bit more understanding, I have been defending self, but if it is just an AS thing, I dont have to defend that.

It is great to meet others, but that brings up all of our lifetime problems, a bit much to deal with at once.

This is the AS Zoo, AS in common, but no two alike. So first you have to sort what three of twelve things makes me AS, which are strongest. No one has it all. Know Thyself still works.

Older people have adapted. I avoid crowds, we can still learn to do better with those around us.

What is best for me is, all being AS we skip that, and with folks like us, deal with normal human stuff.



postpaleo
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30 Mar 2007, 3:07 am

Figuring out what new label I was has been an on going project for a long long time for me. Finding this one was like a huge gulp of freash air. I have some terms I can now use to let the wife know whats going on, in a heart beat. For the longer haul, why I do what I do and why I don't do what I don't. Even having the new terms doesn't always work, you have to live it to really know it. Very often I think she believes I'm using the terms as excuses and in some cases I am, I do like lazy. I wouldn't expect miracles for others understanding, but I think you'll find some help for others to try and relate to us, if it's even needed. I don't bother with most people, just not worth the energy, but with her it matters.

The Wife and I have been together about 16 years, I didn't get remarried for a long time and didn't make the first plunge till I was fairly old. The Wife and I have been almost inseperable for the entire 16 years, I mean we even worked together. She no longer works and I haven't in a long time, 24/7 now. Only this morning we have decided to look at the length of our time together more in dog years, which I think would be 112 years. If that isn't exactly correct, we both agreed it feels it at times.


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30 Mar 2007, 7:27 am

Hi DierWolf

Welcome to WP :) .

There are a few of us on this site who are married to or in a relationship with a non-AS partner. I've been married for 11 years now and it's very challenging for both of us.

Have you discussed your diagnosis with your wife? Whilst my wife will tell me she doesn't necessarily believe I have AS (being self-diagnosed), she does give me a bit more leeway when I react strangely to things (like refusing to go to social events) and says "Oh that's just your AS coming out". Whether or not she's joking, it still helps lighten the mood.

Once again, welcome :D


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Clueless_Rhino
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30 Mar 2007, 8:21 am

Hello. I know what a relief it is to finally have a name for the wierdness that goes on in your life.
Also, I've seen Aspie spouses post here (the non-aspie partner).


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30 Mar 2007, 11:00 am

DierWolf wrote:
Anyways, it will be nice just to talk to some people who can understand.


I understand all too well. Welcome!

Oh, and there's no "b" in Asperger's. Sorry, but it just drives me up a wall when I see it spelled that way.

Yours,

Wrong Planet's resident grammar b***h :)



larsenjw92286
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30 Mar 2007, 12:30 pm

Hi!

Welcome to Wrongplanet!

I hope you enjoy posting here!


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SamuraiSaxen
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30 Mar 2007, 7:16 pm

Welcome to WP!

I'm SamuraiSaxen, nice to meet you!

I hope you enjoy posting here.