I am able to talk about deep things, I can't do small talk

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DataB4
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07 May 2016, 8:23 am

Tenek wrote:
I can only hold actual conversations with people about genuine subjects of interest. But I have found that on occasion engaging in small talk helps me connect with NT's at least on a surface level.

Since you don't make small talk very often, I'm just curious how you start your conversations. Do they ever lead anywhere without the Smalltalk? For me, and less I have a common interest with someone, I usually start small, because it builds trust and rapport as others have said.


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DataB4
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07 May 2016, 8:27 am

InsomniaGrl wrote:
A guy mentioned its the social equivalent to sniffing buts, there may be some truth in that,but I'm not a dog with a nose, so can't really imagine what its like for them, they seem to like it, maybe more than humans do, as they are using amazing doggie senses.

LOL trying to imagine humans literally sniffing butts.

"...That might be too much effort all the time, sometimes you just want to jabber stuff at people, and they want to jabber at you, so it feels like you have an audience, and you can get something out of your head."

I never thought of it that way. Sometimes it can be frustrating if I pour out my soul and people aren't listening, so I'll keep what you said in mind. Thanks for the insight.


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Novac96
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22 May 2016, 6:22 pm

My brain works in that I "test the waters" so to speak when dealing with other people: I often bring up something pertaining to one of my special interests (such as philosophy, psychology, sociology, anthropology, ect.) so as to "test" them to see if the other party expresses similar knowledge or interest in the subject, and THEN, I engage in small talk with them as the two of us grow closer. Unfortunately, not only does that friendship I'm seeking rarely formulate, but I realize that NT brains are the opposite of mine: small talk first, and then delve into deeper subjects. Unfortunately, I lost a "friend" recently who told me that my quest to seek "deeper" people is "delusional" and that my well-warranted fear and distrust of most other individuals is "irrational."

When I was younger, I was much better at initiating small talk with same-age peers than I am now; I cannot, for life, communicate the most-basic of a "Hello" or "Good morning/afternoon" to most people. Talking to older people and young children are each much easier than talking to same-age peers: older people generally have more knowledge and experience, and are also more willing to learn, and young children still relish in spending time outside and talking about those few mundane things that I find to be interesting (albeit, I realize that the number of kids that actually still play outside in Western societies probably dwindles each year). Like many Aspies, I very much so wish that I could correct this, yet it is extremely difficult of a social habit to break.


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DataB4
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22 May 2016, 7:27 pm

If seeking deeper people and conversations is delusional, then most of my friends and I are, too, LOL. Otherwise, I wouldn't be on this forum. I think those conversations help make life worth living. As for distrusting most people, well, I trust that most people have good intentions. I know they are often somewhat untruthful though. That's my rational observation. That said, I do worry about people's dishonesty when it affects me or someone I know, and I don't trust people right off the bat. I believe that trust is earned.