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Tawaki
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06 Jul 2015, 7:43 am

The good things....

Your son got out, and "kept it together", even if he wasn't feeling his best. YAY! That's huge.

You could have a conversation with him, and it didn't get nasty. YAY! That isn't easy for even NT teen boys.

Medications making him feel bad. What sometimes happens is the doctor will put a patient on a higher starting dose, and start scaling it back after a few weeks.

I have bipolar disorder. 20 years ago I had a rip roaring mania which landed me in the hospital. I was put on Lithium and Depakote. They said I was an aggressive and obnoxious PITA. I don't doubt that. I can remember feeling doped up to the gills, but I was a safety hazard to the workers, and couldn't be reasoned with. No one wants a broken jaw or arm.

The doctors slow pulled back the Lithium, and I was discharged on just small dose of Depakote. Now I'm not on anything because I dodge my triggers, and am very aware of what can escalate my moods.

I'm sure you son feels like crap because he's not home, he's in a group home, he's 18 and not doing 18 year old guy stuff. I believe your son will not always be like this.

Hopefully once the aggressive behavior cools down, he can be moved to a better home. That is the biggest factor for placement. No one wants their workers hurt.

I thought about you two all weekend, and hoped things would be a tiny bit better.

((hugs))

Tawaki



DW_a_mom
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06 Jul 2015, 4:45 pm

It is a long thread and I haven't read everything, but it seems to me that the issues are clear: he has, starting with the school transition when he was 17 1/2, more often than not found himself in inappropriate environments. ASD individuals need, more than anything, consistency and predictability. His needs should be assessed and then met. You know the difference between how he is when his needs are met and when they aren't because you have lived the difference. You can't medicate the issues away, or support them away, when a wholesale change in environment is needed for him to be comfortable.

The problem is, of course, that the above is, at this stage in your lives easier said than done. It breaks my heart to read your words that seem to see what he needs, but be unable to provide it.

I wish I had a useful answer.

But I will say this: stay focused on what you believe he needs, using your gut instinct and experience with him as a guide. Pay attention to what he is telling you, and what he isn't telling you, applying in the analysis all that you know about him. Don't let anyone talk you into a different path, once you and him have figured out which one is best.

Good luck.


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Mom to an amazing AS son, who recently graduated from the university (plus an also amazing non-AS daughter). Most likely part of the "Broader Autism Phenotype" (some traits).


DW_a_mom
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06 Jul 2015, 4:48 pm

Tawaki wrote:
Now I'm not on anything because I dodge my triggers, and am very aware of what can escalate my moods.



This really is the best thing, I believe, people can do. Not everyone will have the capability, but my goal raising my son was that he would know how, and he does.

I hope the OP's son will have the opportunity to be in an environment where he can successfully go through the process.


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momsparky
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07 Jul 2015, 9:29 am

Have you gone to your state's Department of Human Services to find out what your rights are? Have you looked to see if there are SPED advocacy services in your area?

Sounds to me like there is a LOT to untangle, and you need a specialist who represents YOU. Lots of states have those available through the board of education or the department of human services. Your state may also have a SPED helpline. I urge you to look into that before your son "ages out."



androbot01
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07 Jul 2015, 9:47 am

LonelyAndHateIt wrote:
We all didnt want him to have his computer yet so he could work on socializing with the others at the HOME.

The following Saturday I call the group home to tell them Im coming up to bring him his computer and other things.
When I get there the next day they REFUSE TO LET ME IN, CAUSE THEY SAY I UPSET HIM!! ! ! ! ! !
Apparently my phone call about graduation upset him and he destroyed everything in his room!! ! BROKE
EVERYTHING!
I had to call 3 people to finally be let into see my son.
I asked him what he was doing for the 4th of July, he said GOING TO FIREWORKS!

Forced socialization never goes well. I think ideally you would want him to have the computer in a new environment as it will provide familiarity and support.
Quote:
My heart sank! I thought I was supposed to be "DOING THE FUN STUFF" with him!?
I saw GRADUATION BALLOONS in his room. They threw MY ONLY CHILD A GRAD PARTY WITHOUT ME!
Since hes been at the group home they have not called me even once.
...
I am seriously losing my mind here. I miss him so much and I have no other family and my life is basically all about HIM

I think you're going to have to consider not relying on your son for fulfilment. If he is in a safe environment then you have time to spend on refinding your own life. I'm not saying to cut him out of your life, I mean start reaquainting yourself with yourself.



smilinglv
Tufted Titmouse
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08 Jul 2015, 5:37 am

if his problem is so serious .you shouldn't push him more . kid need more space nowadays . try it understand them .