'Not Sure' girl loves a probably autistic man

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I think he seems like a sincere guy.

I think he's scared of his emotions sometimes.

It doesn't seem likely that you'll find fulfillment from him in the near future--but, farther down the road, who knows?

It'd probably be wise to "take it slow" at this point.

Might be, but that is part of one usable strategy for getting out of these kind of obsessions, but it doesn't lead to a friendship (at least not in my experience), rather to "I hate your guts". I'd never do that to somebody I liked a lot.

For being friends afterwards, doing like you did with the other guy (being apart for 4 years) works a whole lot better, but it is harder to do.

So do I. He has emotions for sure, whatever he says. He's been in love before once. He told me from that time, that it took him a half year to recognize those feelings.

The evening after I told him that I had feelings for him, I offered to walk home with him because it was close and we could talk a little more (we had been talking for two hours by that time). He didn't refuse. At his place, we sat and cuddled for the next three hours. We spoke, about life and about interests, while he held my hand. We didn't really look at each other. We just sat there. Then we agreed it was way too late already, I gave him a long last hug and I returned home.

I have no idea what he felt that night. Dubiety? Uncertainty? Fear to hurt me? I have no idea. He spoke freely and seemed not to have anything against me sitting so close to him. Though the next days he suggested we should not date anymore, because he could not return the feelings I felt for him.

He never told me he didn't like me. On contrary, in a letter, he wrote me that he did like me, a lot, and gave me compliments about the kind and admirable person I was. Yet he stated that he was not capable of feeling the feelings I could feel. He finished with the advice to leave him alone in his darkness.

Yeah, he's a gloomy one. I cannot make someone not fear something. The metaphor of the water was a good one. I cannot and will not force anyone to walk into a cold lake on a summer's day. I can only tell them that it becomes warmer as he goes in, and I'll promise not to splash him. As far as he's concerned, I'm already in and I've been swimming around happily for years. Yet he wrote me that he 'cannot follow me there' (yes those words he used) in my vivid life.

Honestly I don't know what I'm up to with him. In former relationships, I had every fact of the guy figured out before I even started dating him. It was almost like research for succes. This time I only know that he masters the same skills as I do, that he thinks alike and sees the world in the same strange, eye-for-detail way I see it. I admire him. Maybe that's all part of the mystery surrounding him now, I'm honest in that. But I want to give it a try. The communication is rough at this point because we, in my opinion, both fear rejection. He does that even more than I do. The communication has been great, and I know it can be so again.

The way I'm writing this I feel like forcing it. But I know for some reasons that he does not dislike me at all. I've just asked him for a form of contact that he feels uncomfortable with. That's why I know he doesn't mind occassional e-mails from me, or doesn't shy away from talking at a dance, or even dancing with me. Those are comfortable moments to him. I just shouldn't cross the border, not unless he is ready for it.

I know it can take years. The only reason that scares me is because it doesn't fit my pattern of security. I never go without a plan, and this time, I must. I have no idea where this will end, but I must convince myself that wherever it will end, it will be the right thing. I lack control of the situation and that scares me. Truly does.

I cannot lie, I have muttered 'darn guy just *friendzoned* me!' a few months ago. But the idea was not worth hanging onto.

The four years of no contact were by accident, actually. He and I had a roommate who talked behind my back, and blackguarded me to him. He believed her by that time. Later on, when it emerged that she had been a liar to lots of our friends, including him, we got on speaking terms again, and appeared to have nothing against each other. But, time had passed, and as lovers, it wouldn't work no more. So we're now good friends, often joking about this casualty long ago.