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Waterfalls
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06 Aug 2015, 11:14 pm

OliveOilMom wrote:
One thing that may help is if one of her friends gets hers first. Then they have a peer to talk about it with. That would probably be the best thing.

A lot of her peers have bras, many haven't had periods, though. She didn't seem freaked out by waiting for or getting her period, she didn't tell me either, though, or get a pad though I had shown her where they were.....

I'm not sure she understands why I've put pads in her school bag, either. Almost the opposite of the OP whose child is worrying and thinking too much about getting her period.



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06 Aug 2015, 11:58 pm

You've already gotten some great advice. I'll just add that the American Girl (The Care and Keeping of You) books helped my daughter a lot. She read them over and over. They present things in a very straightforward, matter of fact manner, which could help alleviate some anxiety. I also agree with a previous poster that this will become a topic of conversation among her friends (i.e. who has gotten it, who has not). When everyone is talking about it, it kind of demystifies things. I know my daughter went from being anxious about getting it, to desperately wanting to get it (because two of her best friends had).

For the bras my daughter started with the camis then moved to soft (no underwire) training bras. They were made of stretchy material and aren't meant for support, but just to get the girl used to wearing something. We got ours at Macys in the childrens section, but probably most department stores have them.

Best of luck to all the moms and daughters entering this stage. I think it can be scary and sad for us moms too in some ways, seeing our daughters mature and knowing all the complications being a young woman will bring. I adore my teenaged daughter, but miss the little girl she was. Those were definitely simpler times!



Rudin
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08 Aug 2015, 12:43 pm

InThisTogether wrote:
Anyone know of any age-appropriate books?

she seems to want to know every detail of everything that is going to happen. I think it is the unknown that is freaking her out the most. Especially not knowing when it will start. I thought saying "well, it already did start because you have breast buds" would help, but it didn't. What she really wants is to be told "well, on June 3 of next summer, you will start getting pubic hair" " on August 4, you will start experiencing mood swings," etc.

You are right, Waterfalls, about needing reassurance that she is still a little girl. She is one of the only kids I have ever known who has no desire to grow up. She does not even want to be a teenager. She does not want any of it. I don't even think she wants to turn 10 because it is double digits.


Is your daughter on the spectrum?


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InThisTogether
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11 Aug 2015, 8:16 pm

Rudin wrote:
InThisTogether wrote:
Anyone know of any age-appropriate books?

she seems to want to know every detail of everything that is going to happen. I think it is the unknown that is freaking her out the most. Especially not knowing when it will start. I thought saying "well, it already did start because you have breast buds" would help, but it didn't. What she really wants is to be told "well, on June 3 of next summer, you will start getting pubic hair" " on August 4, you will start experiencing mood swings," etc.

You are right, Waterfalls, about needing reassurance that she is still a little girl. She is one of the only kids I have ever known who has no desire to grow up. She does not even want to be a teenager. She does not want any of it. I don't even think she wants to turn 10 because it is double digits.


Is your daughter on the spectrum?


Yes. She was initially diagnosed with moderate classic autism as a toddler. She is now almost 10 and pretty much flies under the radar, but she is definitely still autistic.

Waterfalls, I will share how I got my daughter to wear a "bra" The style is basically like a shorter, tighter version of a camisole.. Probably similar to a sporty bikini top. I told her that perverts might find her breast buds sexy. She was completely repulsed. I'm not sure that is why she didn't argue against a bra, but she didn't question the suggestion after that. She really doesn't have breasts yet, but her nipples are apparent under a t-shirt if she doesn't wear a bra.


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Waterfalls
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11 Aug 2015, 8:35 pm

InThisTogether wrote:
Rudin wrote:
InThisTogether wrote:
Anyone know of any age-appropriate books?

she seems to want to know every detail of everything that is going to happen. I think it is the unknown that is freaking her out the most. Especially not knowing when it will start. I thought saying "well, it already did start because you have breast buds" would help, but it didn't. What she really wants is to be told "well, on June 3 of next summer, you will start getting pubic hair" " on August 4, you will start experiencing mood swings," etc.

You are right, Waterfalls, about needing reassurance that she is still a little girl. She is one of the only kids I have ever known who has no desire to grow up. She does not even want to be a teenager. She does not want any of it. I don't even think she wants to turn 10 because it is double digits.


Is your daughter on the spectrum?


Yes. She was initially diagnosed with moderate classic autism as a toddler. She is now almost 10 and pretty much flies under the radar, but she is definitely still autistic.

Waterfalls, I will share how I got my daughter to wear a "bra" The style is basically like a shorter, tighter version of a camisole.. Probably similar to a sporty bikini top. I told her that perverts might find her breast buds sexy. She was completely repulsed. I'm not sure that is why she didn't argue against a bra, but she didn't question the suggestion after that. She really doesn't have breasts yet, but her nipples are apparent under a t-shirt if she doesn't wear a bra.

My daughter also says she wants to be little. I didn't know that was so unusual, I often felt rushed growing up. I don't want to say what you suggest, but think you are probably right. Seems like an effective, honest thing to say....I will steel myself to try it!



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12 Aug 2015, 12:46 am

Does your daughter have Gender Dysphoria, because from my experience growing up, it might have a lot to do with her anxiety over puberty.


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Waterfalls
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12 Aug 2015, 3:45 pm

CockneyRebel wrote:
Does your daughter have Gender Dysphoria, because from my experience growing up, it might have a lot to do with her anxiety over puberty.

I am unsure if you are talking to me or OP?

A lot of stuff went over my head growing up so I didn't feel ready to be my age until maybe high school. Just assumed it was something similar.

Did you feel that way about everything, or just about puberty when you were growing up?



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13 Aug 2015, 9:24 pm

No, she does not have gender dysphoria. She actually has a refreshing view of her gender identity. She has never liked girl's playthings (dolls, barbies, playing house, you know...typical girl things), but this is the first year she has ever asked me to buy her pants. She has always wanted to wear dresses and skirts. She calls herself "a girly-girl who doesn't like girly-girl things" LOL!

I think one of the issues for my daughter is that in some ways, she has finally "caught up" to her peers. In second grade, she was still seen as rather babyish by her peers. In 3rd grade it was better, and last year in 4th grade, I think she was finally seen as an equal by her peers and I think she finally felt like she could hold her own and fit in. It was the first year she didn't get supportive services for social deficits--by her choice--and she did really well. I think on some level she is aware that her peers are about to take another leap forward and she will not. She will be behind again. She also does not like increasing responsibility. From her perspective, it is another transition and a whole new set of rules she has to learn. For as well compensated as she is, it is mostly due to really hard work to devise a lot of scripts to deal with situations. As puberty comes, her old scripts are going to become obsolete. She is going to have to figure it all out again. I think the entire prospect of it is overwhelming to her. If there is one thing that she really hates, it is unfamiliar circumstances. Puberty will bring lots of those.


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