Do you go to social events by yourself?

Page 1 of 2 [ 30 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

FullMetalAspie
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 17 May 2015
Gender: Male
Posts: 188

06 Aug 2015, 6:38 pm

Do you go to social events by yourself without knowing anyone there in an attempt to make friends.
Is this an acceptable thing to do?
Awhile ago I found out about a free concert with local pop punk and hardcore bands playing. I went to the concert with out knowing anyone there. I really liked the music there it was definitely my style.
but there was long quiet periods in between each set when musicians set up their equipment and did sound checks. During this time everyone was socializing and talking to each other except me. One person did come up and talk to me and asked me why I was by myself not talking, then he asked me if I knew any people there. When I said I didn't know anyone he asked me "why did I even come then?". I left the concert early kind of just feeling like the one weird random guy that was there by himself. I have thought of going to similar concerts since then but haven't.
I recently found a Facebook page for local super smash bros (video game) players and saw there were having a tournament soon. I should have went but I was worried about not knowing anyone and thought it would end up like the last time I did something by myself.



NYAspie
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2005
Gender: Male
Posts: 336
Location: Southern Saratoga County, NY

06 Aug 2015, 7:39 pm

I've certainly been there with you on this topic, from a comedy show to a charity fundraiser and who knows what else. There were times where I was looking for a friend there and never saw him/her/them, others I was worried I wouldn't find them and somehow there they were. I did have an episode almost but not quite what you experienced, but I talked my way out of it, though it made me feel awkward at the time.


_________________
Shoot for the Moon; even if you miss, you will land amongst the stars.


starfox
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Mar 2015
Posts: 1,012
Location: United states of Eurasia

06 Aug 2015, 7:45 pm

I have done sometimes. Nobody has ever been that rude to me though. Gosh. Sometimes I would pretend I'm waiting for someone but for safety as I've had guys talk to me.


_________________
We become what we think about; since everything in the beginning is just an idea.

Destruction and creation are 2 sides of the same coin.


kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

06 Aug 2015, 7:53 pm

I wouldn't go to any social event which I'm not invited---unless the social event is for, say, all people who are interested in anthropology.



izzeme
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Apr 2011
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,665

07 Aug 2015, 7:35 am

Assuming the event is open, i do this, on occasion.

It is not weird to go somewhere alone, especially if it's a concert or a reading or something.
As far as other people know, the friends that could be interested to join you are out of town or something, or none of your friends were interested; the guy in your example was rude and condescending.

As for going with the intention of making friends: sure, you gotta make them some way. After a certain age, a social group is assumed, but if an NT moves to a new city, he also needs new friends, which he'd make during open door social events...



SocOfAutism
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 2 Mar 2015
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,848

07 Aug 2015, 12:47 pm

This person was rude to you. People go to things by themselves sometimes. I wouldn't say it's common, but I used to do it when I was single and kid-less. I did it even when I had friends or a boyfriend, come to think of it. Sometimes you're into something and the people you know aren't, so you just go by yourself. No big deal. I'd take a book when I'd go someplace alone, though. It'd give me something to do, say, before the movie or band started, or in between action.

Now I go places with my toddler, which is kind of similar because he doesn't appreciate things in the same way I do. He'll be like, interested in the ceiling fan or a signpost.

My response to that dude would be, "Why did YOU come?"



Lukeda420
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 Jul 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,640
Location: Chicago suburbs.

07 Aug 2015, 1:51 pm

Yes I sometimes go out somewhere by myself. I very often feel like they way you described, and I have also left many places early for the same reason.

I think that it is a feeling we're just going to have to get used to. Even when I know intellectually that this feeling is stronger than than the situation warrants, I still can't shake that feeling. It does get easier over time but I don't think it will ever go away completely.

If something is going on that you are interested in, do your absolute best to make sure you go instead of thinking of all the reasons you shouldn't go.

By the way if this becomes too big of a problem it might be a good idea to tell your doctor. I did, and was diagnosed with social anxiety and given an anti depressant and xanax. It has definitely helped me.



BrutalMetalDood
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 6 Dec 2014
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 98
Location: Charlotte, NC

07 Aug 2015, 2:00 pm

Seems like you had a run with the as*hole of your local music scene. Don't let it discourage you. From my experience, the hardcore/metal scene tends to welcome newcomers with open arms. Once you're in though, you're a brother for life! :wink:


_________________
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 140 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 91 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)

"Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life." ~ Terry Pratchett


msdefied
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 7 Aug 2015
Age: 50
Posts: 2
Location: Houston

07 Aug 2015, 2:01 pm

Movies, concerts, theater, comedy shows, restaurants, parties, you name it, I've gone alone, not always, but consistently. If no one I know shares my interest or is available to join me why should I let that stop me? Sure, friends make nice security blankets in public, but those of us who are uncompromising in the pursuit of our interests will not let that stop us. I just pretend to be confident. Once you go to certain types of functions consistently, you become friends with the other die hard fans (likely aspies too).



Jacoby
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 10 Dec 2007
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 14,284
Location: Permanently banned by power tripping mods lol this forum is trash

07 Aug 2015, 2:33 pm

No, I wouldn't go somewhere by myself if everybody else there is with somebody. I've always thought it was weird and kind of sad to do that to yourself, there is no way I could enjoy it without being in my head about it so it would just be for the purposes of appearances to the outside world and to delude yourself. I suppose weird and kind of sad is overall a good description of myself however so I guess if the shoe fits, I force myself to sit thru plenty and the while thinking over and over again how I want to bash my head into a wall just for the sake of appearances. There isn't much left that I care about enough to overcome the self consciousness of doing it, I just feel like a loser no matter what.



Spiderpig
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Apr 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,893

07 Aug 2015, 2:56 pm

Social events are for social people---I have no business going to them.


_________________
The red lake has been forgotten. A dust devil stuns you long enough to shroud forever those last shards of wisdom. The breeze rocking this forlorn wasteland whispers in your ears, “Não resta mais que uma sombra”.


glebel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Jul 2015
Age: 61
Posts: 1,665
Location: Mountains of Southern California

08 Aug 2015, 4:35 pm

I sometimes go to social occasions by myself if I'm in the mood. If I find it stressful, it is much easier to leave when you're solo than if you are with others who may not want leave.


_________________
When everyone is losing their heads except you, maybe you don't understand the situation.


pokeycat
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 4 Aug 2015
Age: 46
Posts: 27
Location: Austin, Texas

08 Aug 2015, 4:51 pm

I dont have too many close friends, and those dont share similar interests.



FullMetalAspie
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 17 May 2015
Gender: Male
Posts: 188

09 Aug 2015, 5:17 pm

Lukeda420 wrote:
By the way if this becomes too big of a problem it might be a good idea to tell your doctor. I did, and was diagnosed with social anxiety and given an anti depressant and xanax. It has definitely helped me.

I do have social anxiety.



LogicOrNot
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 24 Aug 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 71
Location: Eastern U.S.

09 Aug 2015, 6:02 pm

Yeah, that guy was being a jerk. Really. I mean, one great reason to go to a show, alone or not, is... to hear music. Or, to try to meet people...

I got to social events by myself from time to time. My experience sounds a lot like the one you described. I see a lot of people talking to one another. I am usually kind of milling around when there is nothing to focus on, usually without talking to anyone. Sometimes someone will come up and talk to me. It usually lasts a few minutes. I have never had anyone act like the guy in your situation, thankfully. Who cares what that guy thinks.



Summer_Twilight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Sep 2011
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,157

10 Aug 2015, 9:26 am

FullMetalAspie wrote:
Do you go to social events by yourself without knowing anyone there in an attempt to make friends.
Is this an acceptable thing to do?
Awhile ago I found out about a free concert with local pop punk and hardcore bands playing. I went to the concert with out knowing anyone there. I really liked the music there it was definitely my style.
but there was long quiet periods in between each set when musicians set up their equipment and did sound checks. During this time everyone was socializing and talking to each other except me. One person did come up and talk to me and asked me why I was by myself not talking, then he asked me if I knew any people there. When I said I didn't know anyone he asked me "why did I even come then?". I left the concert early kind of just feeling like the one weird random guy that was there by himself. I have thought of going to similar concerts since then but haven't.
I recently found a Facebook page for local super smash bros (video game) players and saw there were having a tournament soon. I should have went but I was worried about not knowing anyone and thought it would end up like the last time I did something by myself.



First of all what an idiot. What kind of person makes you feel bad because you go to a concert alone? That's a pretty callous and wooden headed thing to say to someone. Although they might of have been looking to meet pick up some chicks. As for going alone there is nothing wrong with that. I do it all the time and I find that the more I attend the same event year after year and get involved I slowly meet people.