How do I deal with my kid (Asperger)

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Iwannadie
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08 Aug 2015, 4:12 pm

She is 18 and still has melt downs. I have to walk on an egg shell all the time, not say anything or do something, or she would through a tantrum.
I try to cam her down, I am a single parent and she is the focus of my life during past 18 years. Every time they called from the school, even when I was work or even once I was in an exam, I had to run to her school and calm her down.
I struggled and struggled but it seems that I am in non ending loop.
I am doing my doctorate and it took me much longer than what was expected because of her interruptions. Now, I am writing my thesis and I have a right to sleep at night to be able to focus during day. but she got her period yesterday and last night she was crying, and screaming until 4 am.
what was the reason? she remembered something from 4 years ago. 4 years ago she went to live with her dad for awhile and then she found a "friend" online, in one of teenage forums. that friend or f*****g man from India, who never showed his face to her, seduced her and after talking with her for awhile, made her to take out her clothing and do some acts. after she did that she regretted and wanted to kill herself by throwing her self down from 5 story building. her father send her back so I deal with her. During these four years I had to hear about that f*****g Indian man (who I am sure he was seducing young girls to produce porn) and what he did to her thousands of time. She cries and cries over and over. I wish I could erase that memory, so we could live in peace.
I feel I am reaching my limits



btbnnyr
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08 Aug 2015, 7:03 pm

It seems like she has never learned to regulate her emotions.
Does she have a therapist?
If not, you should get her someone to teach her to regulate her emotions.
It is possible to learn with guidance over time.


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Iwannadie
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09 Aug 2015, 12:36 am

She visited a therapist in the children's hospital, regularly until she turned 18. It was very helpful and but when she turned 18, she couldn't go to the children's hospital anymore. They send her file to a clinic near our home, and assigned a "social worker". She hasn't been seen with any therapist. the psychiatrist in that clinic saw her once, evaluated her and said that she doesn't have any mental problem so they closed the file that came to them. The "social worker" told me if I wanted a therapist for my kid I should bring her to a private clinics. I really can't afford that :cry:



League_Girl
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09 Aug 2015, 1:25 am

When you say mental problems, what do you mean by that? Did you mean when they said she didn't have any, he meant she was normal and not autistic or?


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YippySkippy
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09 Aug 2015, 5:45 am

Can she collect disability, or qualify for Medicaid? These could be paths to cover the cost of therapy.
Also, you should see what kind of respite care you can find, whether through a paid service, a charity/religious organization, or family/friends.



Iwannadie
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09 Aug 2015, 8:45 am

She was diagnosed with Asperger 2 years ago. In the local clinic (CLSC) that we had to bring her file, the social worker who is assigned for us said that they have services for people who have mental problems, such as schizophrenia. And because my daughter doesn't have those kind of problem, the clinic can't provide her any services.

Yesterday, I brought her for a walk. she was crying and telling me that she gives everything if she could be healed, she said she even sell her soul for a cure. She said she is in emotional pain everyday, and doctors failed her. She wanted this suffering to end. and as a mother I was hurt to here that she feels that way.

I've been told before that we could apply for those disability assistance, etc. But I never did and I can't think about applying for those things for her. For me, my pride has more value than my life, I've never asked anyone, even my close family or boss, for financial help and I'll never do. This is me. Three years ago when my PhD supervisor told me that she has no money to fund me and if I really need I can ask her for money, I felt so humiliated, came home went to the bedroom and tried to kill myself, because I felt the pain of humiliation was more than I could handle. My daughter came in the the room, and saw me. I remember she was sobbing, trying to open the rope......that day I didn't think straight :cry: but I was overwhelmed, and humiliated. We didn't tell anyone about this. In the past three years I stayed strong, I managed my financial situation without getting help from anybody.



YippySkippy
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09 Aug 2015, 6:27 pm

There's nothing shameful about receiving disability services. And even if there was, your daughter's well-being should be more important to you than your pride. It's your duty as her mother to help her.
Also, you sound pretty emotionally unstable yourself. What kind of example are you setting for your daughter? It's no wonder she has emotional problems when she's seen her own mother try to off herself! You need to seek some professional help for yourself, as well. Your last post is disturbing. 8O



Adamantium
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09 Aug 2015, 7:00 pm

YippySkippy wrote:
There's nothing shameful about receiving disability services. And even if there was, your daughter's well-being should be more important to you than your pride. It's your duty as her mother to help her.
Also, you sound pretty emotionally unstable yourself. What kind of example are you setting for your daughter? It's no wonder she has emotional problems when she's seen her own mother try to off herself! You need to seek some professional help for yourself, as well. Your last post is disturbing. 8O


I agree with YippySkippy's sense here.

You urgently need treatment for depression and a general psychological evaluation. Your daughter needs treatment for PTSD and depression. Your screen name alone is cause for alarm, with this story behind it, the alarm is stronger.

Please take care of yourself and your daughter.