Not fitting in with NTs, not fitting in with Aspies?

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I don't fit well into either category. I test in the borderline of Asperger syndrome and neurotypical. I have interests that could definitely be categorized as different in type (Denis Istomin) and degree (my love of cats) from those of "normal" people, but my socialization has definitely broadened over the past four years. I haven't achieved all of the milestones of typical adult life but I do have friends now.

:raises wing: Me. I feel just as much an outsider among other Aspies as I do among NTs. I guess this might be because the group I go to where I meet most other people on the autism spectrum is mostly people who are quite high-functioning, and I'm more moderate-functioning. I also don't have any common special interests - it's rare for me to find someone who likes the things I like, but several of them share interests with each other. It still feels like somehow they all share a sort of bond that I'm not a part of, just like it does with NTs. I can relate better to other people on the autism spectrum, but I still feel like I don't really fit in - kind of like I still don't fit in, just in a different way than with NTs.

I've only known one other person IRL who's even taken the online tests. While I'm absolutely certain he's diagnosable, and we do have several behavioral traits in common, we have no shared personal interests to speak of. In other words, he's a nice guy, but I wouldn't want to spend too much time hanging out with him, or he'd get on my nerves in no time.

I have known a few other people whom I believe are probably somewhere on, or nearly on, the spectrum, and I got along rather famously with most of them once upon a time, but there were frequently chemical social lubricants involved, so that probably helped. One of those I would have called a BFF if the term had existed at the time. But all that's ancient history.

Frankly, the longer I have been diagnosed and the more I have learned about autism in general, the more convinced I am that I'm not nearly as high functioning as I originally believed, and I was probably never strictly speaking an "Aspie" at all. Had I been diagnosed as a child, I'm fairly sure I'd have been placed much closer to classic autism than Asperger Syndrome.

In any case, I digress - to answer the OP's question - no, I have never felt that I have much in common with any other human being, even those with whom I shared some personal interests. In fact, obsessive personal interests like vinyl record collecting are the only things that even made me feel I shared a genetic species with any other living (Earth) creature. That, and discussing shared dysfunctional symptoms with others here on WP. Outside of that, I am an alien trapped on an uncharted world, inside some unfamiliar shell.

JonnyBGoode,

I agree. I wouldn't get along well with those kinds of Asperger's people, either, the ones with ZERO filter from brain to mouth or those who talk about dark, depressing subjects. I am also uncomfortable with people whose mode of conversation sounds like one big dump of questions. Very often, I'm hard pressed to find the exact answer they want.

I don't get along with superficial neurotypical types, either.

I like people who know things and who talk to me as if I am intelligent as well.

I get along really well with some autistic people (all of my friends are either autistic/OCD or have significant traits), but others I can't stand. I think it's more of a personality thing for me- I don't get along with the loud, boisterous autistic people who touch you without asking and force you to do things outside of your comfort zone. My friends who have ASD are more of the quiet, keep to yourself type of person. I do feel like I fit in, though, since all of my family and friends are autistic or BAP. I have also found that autistic people are drawn towards each other more often- that's why all my friends are ASD/OCD.

Yes. Like many others on this thread, I'm fairly high-functioning for an aspie. I'm holding down a job with no trouble, although that hasn't always been the case. I take care of my appearance, I have friends (although few close ones), and I know not to talk about subjects which are inappropriate for the social context (although that hasn't always been the case either). I'm also fairly aware of how I come across to other people, and I'm sufficiently organised to plan holidays on my own.

On the other hand, my job isn't very career-oriented, I'll probably never get promoted as my manager has zero faith in me, all my relationships have failed (that's on the rare occasions I can even get into one in the first place), I still have little or no interest in popular topics of conversation like football, "Harry Potter", "Star wars" or "Britain's Got Talent", and much of my social lie is one-sided, giving me the impression that people only tolerate me rather than like me. I have been assured by one or two people that the latter is untrue and a mere product of my own low self-esteem. I'll probably never get married or have children - although the latter doesn't bother me, it's part of the reason all my relationships have ended. I've also struggled with academic stuff like exams, essays and such, although I did manage tofinish my degree after one extra year.

So yes, I'm one of those aspies that's caught in the existential no-man's land between the two worlds - too NT for aspies, too aspie for NTs - and thus can't fully integrate into either world. Maybe it's the neurological equivalent of being bisexual.

I'd probably get on well with Aspergers irl, because I can understand them.
I've the same thought process.
However, I'm not super sensitive, and don't really appear to be Aspergers; very high funcitoning.
Hell I pass for NT (kind of), until they try to talk to be for any length of time.

StampySquiddyFan,

I feel uncomfortable when people touch me inappropriately, too. There are some people who have no sense of boundaries. I try to stand an appropriate distance away from people when I'm talking to them, neither too close or too ridiculously far away.

I had an interesting experience which relates to this subject that I wanted to share on here.



Last year, I signed up on a web site called meetup.com, which is a service where you get together with other people who have similar interests as you. One of the Meetup groups I signed up with was called Autism Society San Diego. I attended a few of their meetups for adults with autism. They were led by a woman with autism who had two sons also on the autistic spectrum. I thought that it would be a good meetup for me, and that I would fit in well, but unfortunately, it turned out to be a total bust. I was just as uncomfortable with those people as I am with neurotypicals.



The last meetup I had with them was particularly bad. I posted a message on their meetup web site suggesting the we do something special on Saturday, 18 June, 2016, which was Autistic Pride Day. The leader planned an all-day meetup at a beach which was about a hour's drive away from where I live. A whole bunch of people attended the meetup, mostly friends of the leader. I did not know any one there besides the leader & one of her sons who attended. All I did the entire time I was there was just lay on my beach towel all alone, doing nothing & socialising with no one. The only person who talked to me the entire time I was there was some annoying friend of the leader who just would not shut up. The only part of the day that I enjoyed at all was in the late afternoon, when my father came to pick me up & take me home. I gathered up my towel, and went to tell the leader that my Dad was there & I was leaving, but she was too busy talking to other people to even notice me. I just left without telling any one or saying goodbye to any one. While we were in the car, I told him how bad the day was, and I actually apologised to him for having to take me & come pick me up.



The whole meetup for that day was my idea, but no one there cared at all; I got no recognition for my idea at all.

I'm pretty sure I don't fit in anywhere. I don't know a lot of people on the spectrum in person, but I don't really fit in with the ones I do know. They are lovely people, but we are very different. I can't fit in with neurotypicals at all, it seems. Some of my friends have other conditions, like anxiety, or BPD, and I find it a little easier to spend time with them, but I still never feel like I "belong".

Something I can totally relate to at last. It is useful to know that you're not the
only one who feels a complete misfit. I kind of accepted it, but I think I'll embrace
my uniqueness with more enthusiasm now.

I've had HFA-like problems as far back as I can remember, which have negatively
impacted my life in various ways. All I've ever really wanted was clarity and to
know how to improve my life. WP is helping me achieve that clarity I think.
So my thanks to Alex.