When you don't realise someone fancies you

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Here's a thing I was thinking about. I've heard a few men say that they didn't pick up on the fact that a woman they knew was interested in them and only realised after it was too late.

My question is, did you not like her then? If you did like her, even though you didn't realise she was into you, why didn't you just spend some time with her, invite her somewhere and enjoy her company?

I do that. If I like a guy I make an effort to spend time with him and see if I like him. It's been a long time since I've taken it a step further and decided to tell someone I fancy them, but I am ok with taking the initial steps, the rather non-commital spending of time together, but it's always me that makes the effort.

Why is it guys don't make that effort back. It's not serious, it's just spending time together.

That's valid. The guy should make an effort, too.

But then you have guys who have been "told off" by a certain girl, then become defensive and think that "all girls will tell me off." They become afraid to initiate.

While I feel they should "get over" that fear, I also can understand the reluctance of some guys to be assertive in what they desire--or to respond to a woman who is flirting with him.

I prefer "taking my chances," and risking a tongue-lashing--but other guys don't.

I think that the brain is not allowing them to process it IRL, and then lets it "pop-up", days, months or even years afterwards. Thus they only know about it after it happened, so cannot take action and initiate contact. It has nothing to do with rejection, it's a block in the brain.

I don't think you are understanding what I mean. I don't mean if she's flirting with him. I mean if he meets a woman he likes why doesn't he try and see her again? I don't mean stake her out like that Seinfeld episode Sagman, Bennet, Robins, Openheimer, Taft. Just inviter her out with some of your friends and see what she's like.

Are men incapable of feeling attracted to a woman unless he thinks she's attracted to him?

Say for example I meet a guy, I see him at a friends house, I friend him on facebook , I invite him to a party at my house. He hasn't flirted with me at all, but I've made an effort to fabricate a reason to spend some more time with him to suss him out. I've made no romantic advances, it's not like I've asked him out for a one to one coffee, it's just me wanting to find out a bit more about him and work out if I like him.

Do men do this at all? Don't they want to get to know women?

I am guessing that men are a bit more serious about sexual attraction. Does it have to be all or nothing with men? Why don't these single men I meet seem to do things like this with women, why is it we have to jump through hoops to think up a thing to do so we can run into them again.

Well, I guess that's why they're single.

Too late to rename the topic now. What I mean is why were you waiting for signals before you knew you were attracted to her? Or were you never attracted to her? You just feel you missed an opportunity.

Would it really make you more interested if she was interested in you? Why didn't you fancy her anyway?

um. try hundreds of girls. on girl telling me off didn't destroy my confidence but hundreds did.


as for op. i don't have any single female friends, so idk. only time I've been told that some girl was fliritn with me was by sister and after there any chance to do anything not that I would as I'm too shy in public.
why doesn't the girl make the move if she likes the guy? I was raised by women so perhaps I date like women. or probably a mixture of that and being aspie. there's no way I'm going to risk being turned down in front of a bunch of strangers in a store by s girl. who likely isn't flirting as flirting signs are often just being friendly to a lot of people.

if there was a girl who I knew was flirting with me, I'd spend time with her in heartbeat. even if i wasn't interested in her. you never know that might change. I fallen in love with women never even seeing them. so anythings possible.

If he has a crush, he surely will, but he might not make verbal contact or approach.



Not my style. I won't talk to (and thus won't invite) people I'm romantically interested in, much less so if I also have a crush.



Why would they? Sounds very strange.



I think what you describe is the woman's role in the neurodiverse courtship, so no, men don't do that.



Because it is your task.

what. yes we feel attracted to them before they show signs.if we didn't we wouldn't be looking at them to notice the signs.

its too risky to ask them out. that's all that's the reason we don't. its highly embarrassing and depressing to be turned down over and over in public or online. I've tried to ask out a few girls I met in rl and it was horrible after

because if a single guy ask a woman out its a date. if a single woman hangs out with a guy it can be a date or can be just friends. most guys wont' be just friends with women. this is how the world works.

do men turn you down? we men get turned down by women way more often then accepted. makes us less likley each time to ask out another girl.

also if men arrange ways to run into women again its called stalking.

Ah no no, if I ask a guy out one on one, that's a date. That's why I'm crafty and organise a way to see him without it being too in your face "I really like you please like me back!! !". Why aren't men as crafty as me? You would at least get to know each other that way with no pressure.

Ok until that moment where you change the pace and ask for the one on one date. But I'm not going to ask the guy for a one on one date until I get some sort of response back from him, otherwise I can only conclude that he doesn't even like me as a human and has no real interest in me.

I forgot to answer the question, do I ask guys out?

Once upon a time I did, but always got knocked back, so assumed that men don't like you to rock the boat and upset the gender norms. I figure they are more comfortable to follow the rules of the guy is supposed to ask the girl out, that's why I went all stealth stalker, but that's not working either.

That's why it irritates me when men say, "Oh I didn't realise she liked me"

What does it matter. It takes time to get to know someone, she doesn't like you.... yet. Don't you like her??? Then friend her on facebook at least.

asking a guy out in groups send us a signal "i only see you as a friend"
guys dont' want to send out that signal to women they like.

I'd rather go on a one and one get to know each other date. thats the point of a date. first date especially. though I'd prefer texting for a week beforehand. perhaps why I don't get many dates after messaging women at least the ones who dont' reject me after demanding to know what I do for work.

well you'd not get me even if I liked you a lot then. its harder for guys to separate romantic feelings and such. at least it is for me. so if i go hang out with you I'll feel more feelings for you but you sent the "only see you as a friend" signal via your crafty way of getting to know me.

doesn't really send the " i really like you " signal. doing special stuff for him would. if you came to talk to me every day first thing, if you brought me cookies or somthing. and only me not just cookies for everyone. those would be signals of I really like you. or spending a lot of time around just me. if you spent a lot of time around me and 4 othet guys and women I won't get that again just get "we just friends"

I think you seem like a nice woman. I'm seeing that you're shy. I think thats attractive and cute, but like the same with me it dampers our attempts to meet people.

when I like a woman if i was free to do whatever I want. I'd message her a lot. and try to spend lots of time with her. I'd bring her snacks if she was hungry.

though that's creepy from a guy. so most I could do was like her posts on facebook which I thought would been a sign but likely was just seen as creepy too. I also made sure to give glance at her a lot. people say thats flirting o.O well none of that worked. but its all i could do withotu being creepy.

hurtloam, are these guys extremely handsome, hot-looking, successful and wanted by many women, while you are normal looking?

Nah, just normal looking. All with varying degrees of looks and heights and fatness. All with regular jobs, I don't hang out with highly paid people. We all just get by.

Where does one meet hot guys anyway?

the macho dominate types probably don't.

the shy more submissive kind guys love it. though it would throw us off at first. we don't get attention often so its confusing and our instinct is to run. think most guys would love women to ask them out.
I would.

well remember how it made you feel to be knocked back , that happens to guys way way more often. thats why we don't approach women when we like them. we don't want to be knocked back either and then labeled as creepy for all the world to see.

as i said in my above post I did freidna nd like all the posts she made, wel 75% so as not to be creepy.
people friend anyone and everyone they met so to most that doesn't mean you like like them. it just means you met them in public. I don't get this. I have a small friends list on facbook. I limit it to people I really like well until I got a leadership role in my gaming group and they require me to friend people under me o.Omakes me uncomfortable.

what would you think if a guy liked most you're posts? I really thought that was me showing interest. I hoped she would do it back but nope never.

gyms, bars, places hot well off guys tend to go.
sports places. any kind of sports games. if they play sports odds are they are hot atleast in body.

Korea's Next Top Model, I guess.