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Mootoo
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18 Aug 2015, 10:05 am

In my mind, especially when really tired generally and possibly concentrating a bit more on the loneliness, I do end up thinking that I might end up outnumbered, especially as I live in a block of flats wherein I don't know a single person (so technically I am outnumbered by strangers, although of course, unless proven otherwise they're not a threat). Being alone constantly has its manifestations, though... I spend weeks on end not even saying a single word sometimes (excluding text messaging) and then I'm supposed to respond 'normally' in those rare times people need to interact with me? At this rate I think I'll eventually forget how to speak, possibly... would still write, but not speak a language, as already happened with another language I knew...


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DeepHour
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18 Aug 2015, 12:30 pm

I've lived virtually my entire adult life in similar circumstances. It used to get me down, but I eventually realized that I didn't relate to the social world, or understand it, or like it. On the few occasions it seemed to be going well for a while, I would end up analysing it and wondering what it was all about, or where it was heading, rather than living in the moment. When I was about ten years old, I couldn't understand why people got married, had families, spent lots of time in social groups haw-hawing to each other, and I still can't.

What I really dread is getting old, needing 'care' and the like. I think I'd rather just drop dead on the bus one day, while my physical and mental faculties are still intact.



MjrMajorMajor
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18 Aug 2015, 8:16 pm

Yes. The odds are usually in my favor, but there are never any guarantees in life. What does everyone always say? "I never thought it could happen to me." There's always a chance of something bad happening. I don't fear it so much as keep it in mind.

Of course, I have anxiety issues..... :mrgreen:



dianthus
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18 Aug 2015, 9:38 pm

Yes I do. Didn't used to. I guess I really felt like I was safer being alone and I felt like I could fend for myself if I ran into trouble. But now I do feel very vulnerable alone because I feel like I've lost a lot of the defenses I used to have. And I worry most about the times when I have trouble speaking.