When alone do you feel vulnerable?

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In my mind, especially when really tired generally and possibly concentrating a bit more on the loneliness, I do end up thinking that I might end up outnumbered, especially as I live in a block of flats wherein I don't know a single person (so technically I am outnumbered by strangers, although of course, unless proven otherwise they're not a threat). Being alone constantly has its manifestations, though... I spend weeks on end not even saying a single word sometimes (excluding text messaging) and then I'm supposed to respond 'normally' in those rare times people need to interact with me? At this rate I think I'll eventually forget how to speak, possibly... would still write, but not speak a language, as already happened with another language I knew...

I've lived virtually my entire adult life in similar circumstances. It used to get me down, but I eventually realized that I didn't relate to the social world, or understand it, or like it. On the few occasions it seemed to be going well for a while, I would end up analysing it and wondering what it was all about, or where it was heading, rather than living in the moment. When I was about ten years old, I couldn't understand why people got married, had families, spent lots of time in social groups haw-hawing to each other, and I still can't.

What I really dread is getting old, needing 'care' and the like. I think I'd rather just drop dead on the bus one day, while my physical and mental faculties are still intact.

Yes. The odds are usually in my favor, but there are never any guarantees in life. What does everyone always say? "I never thought it could happen to me." There's always a chance of something bad happening. I don't fear it so much as keep it in mind.

Of course, I have anxiety issues.....

Yes I do. Didn't used to. I guess I really felt like I was safer being alone and I felt like I could fend for myself if I ran into trouble. But now I do feel very vulnerable alone because I feel like I've lost a lot of the defenses I used to have. And I worry most about the times when I have trouble speaking.