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Online Dating Advice.

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bromide
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20 Aug 2015, 7:21 am

Peacesells wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
OP, you look South Asian; do you live in a White-dominated country?

If so, that's a problem too.

Search for "My regional tinder experiment" thread on WP.

Whites tend to only like Whites.

I really liked what you had written to that girl about OKC! But I have to disagree about this, I think many white men like Asian girls.

You may be right about "many white men like Asian girls" but the other way around is what I am concerned about. I think people do not understand that emotion, mutual-understanding, kindness etc. are universal concepts.



bromide
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20 Aug 2015, 7:50 am

Stargazer43 wrote:
Here is some of my advice. Overall I think it's pretty good, but it doesn't really have much to capture someone's attention.

1.) I'd get rid of the picture of you with the headphones on...it's not a flattering setting. Maybe the one with your dog also, because it's at a weird angle, and you already have plenty of other pictures that show what you look like.

2.) Go into more detail about your interests and your life. How long have you been learning to play music, what do you play, and what type of music do you like to play? What are your hobbies? What do you like to sketch? What do you do on your days off? What are your goals/dreams in life? I think that fleshing out these will give people a better feel for who you are, and is the most important thing that is missing.

3.) I'd remove the demisexual/sapiosexual stuff from the top. Most people (including myself) won't have any clue what they mean, and might not know what to think. Also, you spelled individualist wrong.

4.) Think about the most important things that you want someone reading your profile to know about you...the things that really make you who you are, and put those in your self summary. I'd recommend mentioning your interests, personality, career, and goals in life in that section at least briefly. For some such as your career, you can go into more detail in the appropriate section.

5.) What sort of messages are you sending to people? A good profile is nothing if it's paired with a terrible message!


1] I had the same thought about the headphone picture.

2] Okay.. makes sense

3] I think I get this, I need to dial down the complex words/phrases. Thanks for pointing out the spelling mistake.

4] Makes sense

5] My messages look like this:


Image


Image


Image


Image


qFox wrote:
Try to loosen up a little on the profile text. A self-summary off "individualist, INTP, free thinker, ... " doesn't really open you up for people to talk to you, instead it intimidates or adverts people while it is the first thing they see. Try instead to have a little more light hearted description that still speaks about you, something that will spark a conversation like an interesting hobby. I see you like sketching, put something about this in your summary and the people who visit your profile will have something to be intrigued about.


Makes sense. I need to sober down the description. I have uploaded some of my sketches to an album probably will add the link in the description. I just realized that okc app does not show albums.

Image

Image



bromide
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20 Aug 2015, 7:54 am

GiantHockeyFan wrote:
qFox wrote:
Try to loosen up a little on the profile text. A self-summary off "individualist, INTP, free thinker, ... " doesn't really open you up for people to talk to you, instead it intimidates or adverts people while it is the first thing they see. Try instead to have a little more light hearted description that still speaks about you, something that will spark a conversation like an interesting hobby. I see you like sketching, put something about this in your summary and the people who visit your profile will have something to be intrigued about.


My sentiments exactly. You come across as a bit of a snob with that introduction and the words "individualist" and "free thinker" are some of the most overused terms on dating sites. I don't know what a "sapiosexual" is but I would steer clear of anyone who used that term personally. It also goes without saying that most of the free sites are a huge waste of time but I digress.


"You come across as a bit of a snob with that introduction" Woah! That definitely isn't my intention. I am just trying give them a picture about me by being terse and consice. Okay, I need to sober down the description.

I am on a paid site as well. Rejection/Ignored is what I have been getting on that as well.



Last edited by bromide on 20 Aug 2015, 8:02 am, edited 1 time in total.

bromide
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20 Aug 2015, 7:57 am

Ban-Dodger wrote:
You don't make yourself out to appear « special » enough. Also, I wouldn't be wasting too much time with any on-line dating web-site, but there are such things as dating agencies that do exist & can have a potentially higher success-rate, due to actual people running the show, rather than everything being auto-automated with no quality screening controls. Try thinking like a girl, hell, get yourself a wig, wear dresses, see if you can act like a girl, then you may begin to get an idea what you need to do differently to be able to attract one.


There are no dating agencies here. LOL @ "try thinking like a girl, hell, get yourself a wig, ". All that is going on in my head right now is, people need to see some flashy stuff to like you.



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20 Aug 2015, 4:32 pm

bromide wrote:

5] My messages look like this:



To me, that explains exactly why you haven't been getting any responses...I probably wouldn't respond to any of those myself unless their profile was super-good. I think that it has less to do with your profile, and far more to do with your messages. You need to write a bit more and ask them questions about themselves! I would suggest keeping first messages in the 3-5 sentence range, and ask at least one or two questions about something on her profile. Ask things that give the opportunity for further conversation.

If you want an example, here is what I would consider to be a fairly good message to send someone (in the top post): viewtopic.php?t=290127&start=15



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21 Aug 2015, 6:36 am

bromide wrote:
"You come across as a bit of a snob with that introduction" Woah! That definitely isn't my intention. I am just trying give them a picture about me by being terse and consice. Okay, I need to sober down the description.

There's no need to use such big words as your intelligence will come through naturally without forcing it. Glad to see you are open minded and taking the advice of your "elders"!

Quote:
I am on a paid site as well. Rejection/Ignored is what I have been getting on that as well.

Sadly, you need to get used to it. I noticed eHarmony had the best response rate (apparently they have many more women because they get offered the better deals) but the women I met almost all flaked on me or projected their bad history onto me. I was ultimately successful but it was in spite of online dating not because of it.

No offfense but if what I saw above was your typical date message it is dull, dull, dull. You are contacting them because of a meaningless match %? Really? Either way you need to make sure not to take rejection personally. God himself (or the atheist equaivalent) would not get a response from 80% of women on these sites. I had a couple 'near perfect' matches ignore me and I later found out in real life they came from abusive fathers. Guess who they were attracted to regardless of what their profile claimed?



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21 Aug 2015, 9:14 pm

I'd suggest:
1) adding more details to the opening of your profile, so girls can know a bit more about you
2) going with a low-key question in your opening message, like "how goes your week?"
3) including a question in your replies, to make it a bit easier for girls to respond, like "have you read anything good lately?" Or "have you seen (movie by actor mentioned in their profile?".



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21 Aug 2015, 9:17 pm

"Sapiosexual" means you get turned on by intelligence.

I get turned on by intelligence, and I'm not a snob--not one bit!

I don't happen to mind the term.



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21 Aug 2015, 11:55 pm

According to things I've read regarding Astrology a lot of people born in November tend to have a disposition to be attracted to highly knowledgeable people. I used to correspond with one & she had great interest in my intellect.

kraftiekortie wrote:
"Sapiosexual" means you get turned on by intelligence.

I get turned on by intelligence, and I'm not a snob--not one bit!

I don't happen to mind the term.


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LeaPoufyPony
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22 Aug 2015, 12:02 am

looks great

The problem is that online dating is MUCH different than offline. The reason being, when you're online they are even more pickier. The girls are looking for a dream guy and the simple fact that comes down to it; When they see a tiny flaw then they move on to the next profile.They have mre options.

It's more of a phsycological issue rather than anything, and i'm not saying it's only in women, men have the same problem. Girls are far more selective about who they respond to. So you have to make sure that your message is interesting and something a girl could easily respond to.



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22 Aug 2015, 6:15 am

LeaPoufyPony wrote:
looks great

The problem is that online dating is MUCH different than offline. The reason being, when you're online they are even more pickier. The girls are looking for a dream guy and the simple fact that comes down to it; When they see a tiny flaw then they move on to the next profile.They have mre options.

It's more of a phsycological issue rather than anything, and i'm not saying it's only in women, men have the same problem. Girls are far more selective about who they respond to. So you have to make sure that your message is interesting and something a girl could easily respond to.


Seeing a "tiny" flaw and moving on does not fall exclusively under the purview of women. Men do it too (probably more often than women, since females outnumber males on this planet.

What constitutes a "flaw" and a "major" vs "minor" flaw is inherently subjective. Just because YOU think something's a minor flaw doesn't preclude the girl who chose to move on from thinking it was major.



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22 Aug 2015, 8:21 am

bromide wrote:
...childlike(not childish)...


Ehmm.. you may want to remove THAT immediately and replace it with something like "Young at heart".

AdamAutistic wrote:
David2772 wrote:
It's just a matter of tweaking certain things in order to tip the stats in your favor.


so it is basically a test of manipulation. that is horrible.


The alternative is to die alone. Telling the truth obviously does not work. I've been considering it myself too, but it goes against what i believe in. Having a steady job, an apartment, living an independent life and being kind hearted means jack s**t to women nowadays.

Also remember that women on (free) dating sites is pretty much "what is left" in society. I have yet to come across someone who works in quantum physics, is a model or a celebrity. Plenty of women aged 18-55 who have no profile photo and expect MEN to write to them, but still asks US to have a photo. Dream on.

My advice to the OP is that when onlinedating starts looking like a big waste of time (doesn't it always?), take a break from the dating site for 2-6 months, then come back later on with new strength and try again.


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22 Aug 2015, 8:42 am

Ichinin wrote:
bromide wrote:
...childlike(not childish)...


Ehmm.. you may want to remove THAT immediately and replace it with something like "Young at heart".

AdamAutistic wrote:
David2772 wrote:
It's just a matter of tweaking certain things in order to tip the stats in your favor.


so it is basically a test of manipulation. that is horrible.


The alternative is to die alone. Telling the truth obviously does not work. I've been considering it myself too, but it goes against what i believe in. Having a steady job, an apartment, living an independent life and being kind hearted means jack s**t to women nowadays.

Also remember that women on (free) dating sites is pretty much "what is left" in society. I have yet to come across someone who works in quantum physics, is a model or a celebrity. Plenty of women aged 18-55 who have no profile photo and expect MEN to write to them, but still asks US to have a photo. Dream on.

My advice to the OP is that when onlinedating starts looking like a big waste of time (doesn't it always?), take a break from the dating site for 2-6 months, then come back later on with new strength and try again.



Duuuuuude. Bitter and hostile much?

Just because online dating doesn't seem to work for YOU doesn't mean that it won't work for other. Nor does free sites not working for you mean the folks on them are the "dregs". Something like 1/3 of people meet their partners online.

Nobody's putting a gun to your head and making you post a photo on your profile. Nobody's forcing you to contact women first.

It's terrific that you've got a flat and a job and think you are a nice person -- but none of that entitled you to a relationship. Plus, your seething anger and bitterness at um, all women, just leaps off the page in just a few sentences.

Have you considered that your seething comes across in your profile and that women don't respond to you as a direct result of it?



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22 Aug 2015, 8:59 am

PillowSpider wrote:
Duuuuuude. Bitter and hostile much?

Just because online dating doesn't seem to work for YOU doesn't mean that it won't work for other. Nor does free sites not working for you mean the folks on them are the "dregs". Something like 1/3 of people meet their partners online.

Nobody's putting a gun to your head and making you post a photo on your profile. Nobody's forcing you to contact women first.

It's terrific that you've got a flat and a job and think you are a nice person -- but none of that entitled you to a relationship. Plus, your seething anger and bitterness at um, all women, just leaps off the page in just a few sentences.

Have you considered that your seething comes across in your profile and that women don't respond to you as a direct result of it?


And you know everything about me, my dating experiences - and every other similar experience of every man on the planet so you can post your judgemental crap.


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bromide
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27 Aug 2015, 9:00 am

@all thanks guys. I have removed the pics. Just that I did not want them to be on the internet forever.

I have made changes to my profile as per suggestions here. Will post back if I am successful in getting a reply.