How do you react to being punished/were punished?

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sweeToxic
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21 Aug 2015, 12:39 pm

In other words, how do you react to punishment? How did you react to it as a child? Does it differ from how you react to it now compared to when you were younger?

I have a hard time with being yelled at myself. My mom told me when I was younger that she tried everything she could. She would put me in time out, and I'd return to what I was doing without understanding the consequences for example. She could scream at me, spank me back then, and I guess I ended being unresponsive.

Now, I still have a difficult being punished. Grounding me doesn't work because if they take something away, it causes a meltdown due to my strict routine and resistance to change. I don't like being yelled at because it hurts my ears and causes me to scream back at my parents. Even if they are yelling at each other, I get very agitated by it.

I posted it here because it seems we react differently to being punished than normal NT children or whatever do.


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21 Aug 2015, 12:50 pm

I usually don't take it very well.


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glebel
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21 Aug 2015, 12:54 pm

I just withdraw more into myself, so it doesn't make much impression on me.


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RhodyStruggle
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21 Aug 2015, 1:27 pm

I must have been six or seven years old when I came to the conclusion that enduring punishment is simply the market price of doing whatever I want to do, and that arbitrage opportunity was abundant. Or in other words, being punished for "misbehavior" only encouraged me to "misbehave" further.


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21 Aug 2015, 1:55 pm

I argue with the authority punishing me, just as I have my entire life.

It does more harm than good.


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21 Aug 2015, 2:49 pm

glebel wrote:
I just withdraw more into myself, so it doesn't make much impression on me.


Basically what I did when I was a kid to, withdrew



babybird
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21 Aug 2015, 2:52 pm

It's a bit odd.

I feel as though all my life I have been being punished for one thing or another.

I can't do right for doing wrong.

However, I couldn't really give two shiny shites.

I just carry on as normal.


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21 Aug 2015, 4:34 pm

being in trouble with my parents has always terrified me, it's probably one of the only things on earth that can elicit so strong of a fear from me. i don't know why.

despite this fear it doesn't usually prevent me from doing the same things that got me in trouble all over again. punishment itself is only a mild irritation that i have to find a workaround to in order to continue on with whatever i was doing.


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21 Aug 2015, 5:33 pm

glebel wrote:
I just withdraw more into myself, so it doesn't make much impression on me.

I do that too. That being said, if someone is punishing you they have power over you and ignoring that power by withdrawal can entice them to dole out even more punishment since you aren't responding in the appropriate manner to their power.



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21 Aug 2015, 7:59 pm

I become very vindictive, and make it my mission to exact revenge, or at least permanently dislike the party involved.



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21 Aug 2015, 9:00 pm

He just made/makes he angry or occasionally want to keep doing the very thing I got punished for.


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21 Aug 2015, 9:23 pm

Like any other kid really, if I was sent to my room I would scream and cry for 5 minutes and tell my dad I was never going back downstairs and then I would get hungry and go downstairs.

I remember once i invited my best friend Rachel over, we were friends since grade 1. my dad suggested that we go to Rachel's house instead and I declined because I liked my comfort zone, he then forced me to go over and I had a full meltdown and starts banging my head on walls. It was only when something would be changed that I had a real meltdown but when I was sent to my room, I would either throw a tantrum ( which I learned from my dramatic sister) or I would turn my tv on and watch a movie. After a while being sent to my room didn't work, I would just enjoy it.


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21 Aug 2015, 9:26 pm

I tend to see myself as morally outside the law, though I'm bound by my own standards of behaviour that render my conduct pretty harmless, in fact there are many perfectly legal behaviours I consider too rotten for me to indulge in, so in practice I'm very unlikely to break any serious laws, at least as the law currently stands. I would see any attempt at punishing me as much the same thing as an attack of any other kind, i.e. out of line, though I appreciate that it's important to be practical about such things, so I'd be unlikely to hurl abuse at the police or the judiciary if such a thing occurred, because I'd only be making things worse for myself.

If I were to really screw up and do serious harm, and get punished for it, I'd probably see it as pointless retribution, because I'd already have realised I'd done wrong, and would want to put things right in my own way, which I think would be a better way than undergoing the kind of punishments the law usually hands out to offenders.



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21 Aug 2015, 10:59 pm

Often would shut down.
Punishments generally were not effective at all.
There's a couple of logical reasons behind this.
The first is because it's a type of mind control based on the conceptual world of the hive-mind, and so is not real.
The second is because there's really little difference between praise and punishment because I don't really get the normal chemical reward in my brain for doing something socially acceptable.



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21 Aug 2015, 11:17 pm

Being scolded or punished as a child often made my self-image plummet. I'd generalise the situation and believe I was just an overall 'bad' person who deserved to be punished anyway. I've learned to overcome that kind of thinking for the most part, but I am still very sensitive and avoid doing things that will get me into trouble.


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22 Aug 2015, 11:05 am

At first, I was ok with it for years as a kid, even at times when my mom overdid it. My mom has ADHD too (not sure about Aspergers).

It's a complicated situation. Basically, my grandma was fine but my grandpa had ADHD and yelled a lot, and may have been mean. Mom picked up that habit and often talks down to people, kinda like I would imagine people used to talk to their slaves. I put up with it for years.

Often what mom did was fine when she punished me. But sometimes, looking back, she REALLY overdid it.

One time, I got punished and it seemed for a stupid reason and I kept arguing, and finally it got to where she had it where I would get a rushed dinner and then be sent to bed. Luckily, she realized that she was getting out of hand, and didn't do it, though she still did send me to bed early.

Another time, I, who normally had gotten A's and B's on stuff, mostly A's, had gotten an F on one test in third grade. It was a difficult, at least for me, reading assignment. I tried my best, but I actually ended up doing worse on the posttest than the pretest. For that, I got put in my room all day. Couldn't watch Magic School Bus.

Another time, also in third grade, I lost my recess, I normally don't, and had told my mom, who always had me report on my day. For that, I was once more put in my room all day.

After these two incidents, I finally went to the school, saying that I was sick of being punished at school AND home, and they told mom to back off and she did.

Another time, perhaps when I was younger, I was extra fidgety one day for the barber. Normally, I was good. However, for whatever reason that day, I was kinda fidgety (perhaps fear of moles getting nicked or whatnot). Normally, I'd gotten a sucker (as a kid) and noticed I didn't this time. When we left, I asked my mom why, perhaps musing that maybe he thought I was getting too old for suckers. She then went and hit me.

Another time, in third or fourth grade, I wanted to go watch the Inspector Gadget movie in theaters. But first, I had to get a blood test. I was a bit nervous around needles. They stuck my arm and couldn't get blood out so they did it again. Each time they kept sticking it, I just kept getting more and more nervous. Finally, after the twelfth time, they gave up. Mom was furious and wouldn't let me go to the movie over it. (Years later, I found out that mom herself is afraid of needles, even more than me, so she was a complete hypocrite.)

Indeed, to be honest, sometimes mom, who has ADHD herself, and who had been somewhat mistreated by her father, was abusive to me physically, and, more often, verbally. I don't recall it as much when I was younger, though perhaps because, back then, I thought it was normal.

My dad, on the other hand, was better, though not without flaws. He often worked long hours, so he often didn't know that mom was being bad. (Though mom, perhaps due to being mistreated by her father, also was unkind to my dad and brother too.) My dad did, though, when I was like 2, spank me when I was afraid of a barber. He had told me the barber's name was Mr. Bayer or something, but I misheard and thought he said Mr. Bear, so I was afraid of a bear and so was reluctant to come. (Years later, when I told him this, he felt kind of foolish as he realized why I'd been acting up.)

In the sixth grade, my teacher took away my pencil sharpener (she was pretty stern and eventually others got mad at her too) and I had to snatch it back from her desk.

Another time, in sixth grade, I was trying to protest homework detentions, even though I never got one, and had started a petition or something. I asked a student to sign it and he, thinking the whole thing was just a joke and not really going to be handed in, signed, in pen, "Give us what we want or we will do something very bad to the school." I crossed out that part,in pencil, as I didn't want that on there. I later handed it in.

The school, even though they knew we were both confused (he thought it was a joke and I had crossed it off in pencil, meaning I didn't want it in there), gave us both an hour detention and said it was very serious and to consider ourselves lucky that were weren't suspended.

I had thought that was ok at the time, though, looking back, feel that was TOTALLY out of line on the school's part and woulda stood up to it could I repeat that day.

In the 7th grade, I was punished because I had had my med dose reduced by our new doctor, who musta been inexperienced, and said he had to or something. Well, that week was a disaster. Some kid, had often been telling me to shut the hell up. Finally, I had, while my meds were reduced, stood up, literally, when he was about to talk to me, and asked "What are you going to tell me, to shut the hell up?". Unfortunately, a teacher thought I had said that to HER and so I got detention, and, even explaining what had happened, the detention had still stood for saying "shut the hell up".

That wasn't the only problem that week. I had, during a code red explanation thing, during the question thing, asked what would happen if Bin Laden and the Taliban came in with guns. (I'd never have done that if my meds were working properly.) They weren't amused.

Nothing of significance happened till 9th grade. Then, during PE on free day, one smart aleck acted up and the teacher punished the WHOLE class by making us do exercises the whole period. I had muttered that she was Dr. Evil for doing this and nearly got detention.

In 10th grade, I had been told to clean out my folder in geometry class. Well, during the Thanksgiving Break, I had gotten busy due to relatives over and had forgotten (plus, schools aren't the lords of your folders). Since I forgot, they came and threw away my stuff. I had tried to get it out of the recycle bin, but they said if I did, I would get a disciplinary study period (which woudla ruined my perfect attendance record) for insubordination. Can't recall what happened, but eventually I somehow got my stuff back anyway.

In the 12th grade, I had a speech instructor who kept whining about my penmanship and even took a point off once on an assignment because of my handwriting. Finally, I got fed up and had typed out the outline. She gave me a 0 on it (my first, I think, 0 in my LIFE) as I hadn't done it handwritten. I was pretty ticked and went to the special ed office to vent.

Meanwhile, at home, my dad had had his schedule at work change so he was home more often. Since I was 17, he decided to be "tough on me". I recall one time I was playing a Harry Potter video game. As you lose stuff if you don't save at certain checkpoints, I was playing,as I think I was near a checkpoint, and he, after calling me, came and went and turned it off and grounded me from it for a freaking week. For this, and other things, I gave him the nickname bully, which I still use from time to time.

I can recall that in either 11th or 12th grade, I was upset, after being somewhere all day for some event with my brother, that they were going to make my bedtime pill at like 8 PM, which I thought was unfair and so protested. Dad said he was banning me from the swing, which I love, the next day. i was so distraught I wanted to take all my pills, which Dad taunted me about. I didn't do it. But dad went adn put a lock on the swing the next day so I couldn't use it. That further turned me against him.

Mainly, I just took punishments, sometimes protesting, but nothing major. That all changed when I became an adult (mainly because I was sick of my parents bossing me past 18 and into my 20's and because I discovered the Founding Fathers and inalienable rights and decided I was being abused for too long and wasn't gonna put up with it anymore.)

So I started to fight back. I'd smart off and stuff. However, mainly due to them starting to ease up on me due to getting older, it wasn't too big a deal. Plus, they didn't charge rent or anything.

On the flip side, when i got sick of mom being her usual bossy and talking to me as though I was some slave bought at an auction, she'd remind me that they didn't charge me rent and if I didn't like what she was doing, I could go live on the streets.

Lately, my relationship with my mom is VERY strained and poor with my dad (mainly due to him not doing much to stop mom and also his criticism of my flaws. I tell him "All I seem to get is negativiity from you and I cannot even see the positive anymore.")

Also, as for being punished on forums, it depends on the issue and also the moment.

I can recall, during going away to college, when I was on a java programming forum, sometimes I'd be utterly baffled on something and have an upcoming deadline and be utterly stuck. (Of course, I had tried to get the instructor's help too, but sometimes didn't get a reply, despite sending about 10 emails.) So I'd ask for help. Sometimes online, they would, but sometimes they'd seem to ignore me and help everyone else. So sometimes I'd shout like this: HELP ME! I HAVE A DEADLINE COMING AND NEED HELP! PLEASE HELP! and that would annoy them (especialy when I bolded, itaicized it, and underlined it and set it to the largest possible font size.) Also, other times, I decided to help others to help free up the people to get to me. This worked, sometimes, but other times I didn't quite know what I was doing and was told off by the mods for giving "bad advice". Other times, I'd give too much help, correct or not, and be told off for "spoonfeeding".

Eventually, I got panicky when I was told I was near a temp ban and so panicked and made a new account, which they found out (IP tracking perhaps, though I doubt that, due to something that happened later). So I got banned for a week.

Things were ok, but tense for a while. However, after trying to fix my ways, one night, I lost several reputation points
for allegedly spoonfeeding. I was enraged (I was trying to be a mod, so I could get ban powers and ban all the spammers infesting the forum (which I'd caught 1000 of and reported to the admins.) and this neg rep thing really hurt my reputation.

I kinda got mad and said that when I found out who did that, they are dead. I meant figurately, but the mods, who weren't my biggest fans, accused me of issuing a death threat and perma banned me.

I felt that that, and still do, was unjust and so made a new account sometime later, and they don't appear to be onto that one.

As for that forum, looking back, I kinda realized that, save the perma ban, I deserved most of what they did to me (though,as a stressed student, at the time the stuff had been going on, I kinda saw them as bullies. Guess how one reacts to punishment also goes with time, as one may later feel the punishers were just even though one thought it injustice at the time or one may have thought the punishers were just when, later, one reaizes that the punishers were out of iine.)

At the Jedi Council Forums,I fell in love with this character named Ahsoka Tano. However,due to her being in the Clone Wars Series but not episode III, they automatically assumed she'd been killed off and that her death pushed her master Anakin Skywalker closer to the Dark Side.

I, however, thought that her death not being mentioned in Episode III seemed kinda odd too and hence her death would break cannon and hence there had to be some other explanation.

I was laughed at by many of the other users, including many mods. However, I kept offering theories and fanfics. This annoyed them as I kept lacing fanfics with the cannon. I kept shooting my mouth off about Ahsoka, even doing victory chants when she survived another season. My antics got me lots of temp bans. (I had even had alternate accounts, which are allowed there, to booster support, which, being used the way they were, got me busted for wasting bandwidth to have conversations with myself to support a position.)

Eventually, after like getting a four month ban (I had had a two month ban, but got it extended by pretending to be someone else and then using the alternate account to send a PM to an ally about a new forum I made.) I came back.

That was around the end of Season 5, where Ahsoka DID make it out alive and many of my opponents had to eat their words.

(Ahsoka is back again, and I think she is more likely to die this time due to this one taking place between Episodes 3 and 4 and her being in the Alliance here but not mentioned in 4. Though, of course, I hope she still somehow makes it.)

As for most of the bans there, looking back, I felt I deserved most of them (though I didn't see it at the time), but still feel the mods were a bit unkind to my position (especially as I was right in the end.)

About a year ago, I rediscovered something I had been obssesed with for years but that had been out of my life for a while: Land Before Time.

After catching up on all the movies and the TV Series, I found another character who needed protection from the status quo future idea of him: Chomper.

You see, poor Chomper had had the bad luck to be born a T-Rex in a herbivore world. Though the character was freindly, the others kept insisting that sooner or later, he'd have to turn on herbivores. I kept pointing out that the main character Littlefoot, who lost hsi mom to a T-Rex, would flip out and possibly go crazy if one of his good freinds starting killing other leaf eaters mothers. They had siad, "Taht's just life."

I kept pointing out that there were other precedents for such a thing (Diego in Ice Age, Simba in Lion King, that orange cat in the American Tale series, etc.) but they kept shooting me down. I even pointed out that Chomper could even hunt other carnviores yet they shot that down too, saying other carnviores weren't nutritious enough and that it was too dangerous. I pointed out that Triceratops and Stegosaurus were dangerous too so their argument was silly. But they wouldn't listen.

So I started doing what I did with the Ahsoka stuff, rambling on anyway, lacing fanfics with reality, and stuff. Eventually, after that, plus a slip of the tongue (they won't let you delete posts at that forum and really restrict editing according to the rules) in a political part of the forum, I got a major warning.

Eventually, I panicked and made an alternate account. This got me a week ban. (I had pointed out how, technically, having an alternate account wasn't forbidden in the rules and that some forums like the Jedi Council forums let you have them. They said i shoulda understood and kept the ban up, though they did alternate the rules anyway officially.)

When I got back, things were ok, but tense, though, my fear, especially as i recalled how things were going the way they had at the java forum before teh perma ban hit, kept asking if I was near a ban and how I could avoid one. Eventualy, this irked them and they told me to stop or else it would be a self-fullfilling prophecy.

Also, I had befreinded an Asperger's user they were trying to keep quiet. he had gone off topc a lot and gotten banned. Also, for whatever reason, he had made a clone copy of the forum and had actual users names, though, it seemed more like weirdness or just a joke than an actual attempt to identiy theft, but they had accused him of such and gotten him ocked out of that forum and I had somehow found that forum and innocently pointed it out. The mods were FURIOUS.

Not that during all of this issue, I didn't have my backers. Much like on the java forums and the Jedi Council Forums, I had a few allies. One of them thought the mods were being kinda harsh wiht me.

Eventually, things seeemed tense and quiet for a while, with a lot of the forum pretending I didn't exist. The real problem was that Ducky123 user, who hated Chomper and was politically opposite of me and was unkind to me. He seemed to get away with stuff. I'm sure he got told off, but I, perhaps being newer, seemed to be getting told off more.

Eventually, I decided to characterize everyone on how they liked Chomper and posted a screenshot of this list. Ducky123 was particularly annoyed about being called "Grumpy liberal Chomper hater" and some other users weren't happy either, so the mods went and perma banned me.

I felt this was too much (Ducky123 had mocked me by posting an image of a topic area, whihc the threads, mostly by me, and I'm sure it was to mock me, as Ducky123 even openly admitted to being bad to me because he thought I was "a bad influence".

I had snuck back in, trying to pose as a southern woman who loved Yellow Bellies. It didn't work due to an IP tracker and I got an IP ban. I was kept out for a long while, but eventually learned about the Tor browser, and so snuck back in.

The previous bans on that forum I felt were kinda mixed. Some of it was my fault and some was the mods and Ducky123 being unkind.

Other times, it was quite clear, like on politicla groups, taht some admins were unjustly punishing me. They were punishing me for doing and saying what the leadership had said, but, since I was a commoner I guess, they thought it woud look bad and make us look bad (despite the group being a secret Facebook group!! !!) and so they banned me a few times unjustly.

That time, I reacted to being punished by forming a mutiny behind their backs and even creating a secret page (though some other guys, luckily on my side, found out about it.) Eventually, several members joined with me and we weakened that guy's influence.

However, another guy, who had been also annoying, though less than the first guy, got more power and was kinda censoring me. I whined about him in private. I'm still going along...for now, but do have my backup forum in case he gets out of hand. Again, I do have a slight mutiny group going on should I need to use it.

Lately, at another conservative place, most of the people were fine, except one guy didn't like me too much. Sadly, he's the owner of the thing. He kept sending me angry PMs and stuff. True, sometimes I got outta line, but I think he's kind of a control freak.

Eventually, he was warning me about stuff and this even annoyed a few other users. He had told me I was near a perma ban.

Things were quiet for a few weeks. Then, one day, I got into a silly argument with a user and he just out of the blue perma banned me.

I and another user thought it was overkill, but as I'm IP banned, it was hard to get back in.

(Though I did lately due to being at a differnet IP. Before, I couldn't even with Tor due to his thing being on a server of sorts, whcih doesn't work quite well with Tor.)

So, I guess, in conclusion, I've reacted many ways to punishment. I've taken it (even when I shouldn't of at times), I've ignored it, and usually gotten more, I've tried to go around it, I've protested it, I've later accepted it after initally feeling ti was unjust, I've sometimes tried to form a mutiny against the punisher, and other times I've just engaged in civil disobedience.

I used to be more accepting of punishment but lately I've been more defiant due to my belief in self-governance and inalienable rights.

(Oh, by the way, another thing I keep getting punished for is yacking too much in a thread and also posting too much, something harder to control due to my disability.)

I can also recall at the Huffington Post, they were censoring LOADS of people, though those with opposing views were downright bullied and it was open about how bad it was (people were whining when too many opposing views were getting through, saying there must be a mod on my side.) Eventually, I got so pissed off at the corruption that I told them to go shove it and said I'd be honored if they banned me, which they obliged. That time, I didn't care how many rules I was breaking as they just made them up to suit their agenda, claiming phony terms of service violations.

I used to be too much in submissive move concerninng punishments, even the unjust ones, but now, I'm closer ot rebel mode, being defiant even to more just punishments. I think I'm in an interum phase and hope I switch to a happy medium where I don't take crap but also take responsibility for TRUE bad actions.



Last edited by DinoMongoosePenguin on 22 Aug 2015, 11:23 am, edited 1 time in total.