How to deal with loneliness?

Post Reply New Topic

I am so tired of the feeling of being lonely. I wish so badly I had a girlfriend that I could just completely be myself with and not worry about anything (OCD will probably never let that happen). I just feel like someone is messing with my life on purpose (I don't literally think that, metaphor) and I just wish I wasn't as lonely as I am.
Like my friend has been talking to this girl (not dating... yet) and I talked to her with him for quite awhile and I really like her. She was like the first girl I have talked to in my grade I could be myself with. But yet my friend wants to date her and I don't want to be a douche (he has known her longer than me) and I said I wouldn't ask her out unless she didn't want to date my friend and she probably will and if she does not want him I doubt she would want me. I'm sorry if this seems I don't know the word but you know what I mean. I just want to know how you guys deal with that feeling of loneliness and that you will never find someone.

I was lonely straight from the age of 12 to age 18 (when I got my first job). The loneliness was stifling. It caused me to sing opera in the subways--I got pulled from the train once by the cops!

I didn't do this, really.....but the best way to alleviate loneliness is to try to do the best you can in school, especially in the sciences.

Indulge yourself in what you're interested in, without allowing it to interfere with your life.

Stop thinking about what's wrong with you...and start thinking about what's RIGHT with you.

I know I should but it's hard to when that's all other people tell you about.

Prove them wrong.

That was my mission when I was in school.

Prove them wrong.

You could try speaking more to girls. At first it may be hard if you are shy, but then you will get used to it.
Try to avoid the fear of rejection, because the best way to learn is by mistakes. You can also ask your friends for help, they can tell you if you said or did something wrong.

Then use your solitude to your advantage.

I know how you feel. I am going through the same awful shite: My best friend is possibly dating my crush, my contact time with the few friends I have are diminishing due to studies, have problems making new ones etc.

But I had always taken advantage (not consciously) of being alone. As a kid, I camped out in the library. Read books while the bullies were busying pummelling some kids face. Who ended up with higher grades? Not those insufferable alpha-male wannabes.

Using that crushing loneliness, I managed to accumulate a bizarre range of hobbies and skills. I have usable French and Spanish, am a certified first aider, apparently good at Judo, minor computer repair skills, outdoor survival skills, can play two musical instruments competently. Oh, and endless facts on animals. I love them. I am now studying (and am good at) animal science. I might end up working in that field one day.

My friends (self-proclaimed weirdos, but blatantly NTs) frequently express astonishment at the stuff I know. Sometimes their friends as well. Probably to make me feel better, but at least it works to a degree.

As Carlee had pointed out, you might never find a partner, but that doesn't matter. If you use your loneliness to improve yourself, maybe one day, someone will take notice. If not, at least you have a distinct advantage over NTs in your chosen interest, which hopefully helps with employment.

I know it is unbearable at times (I actually went borderline suicidal for the first time), but just hold on. Society is changing. Even NTs are partnering up later.

What doesn't kill you makes you a lot stronger. We aspies are a lot tougher than NTs because we go through this s**t all the time.

Sitting in self-pity isn't going to help.

The best way to deal with loneliness is to find a hobby and commit to it; preferably one that is performed in social groups (book clubs, music, chess, billiards...)
you'll have something to do and you'll be around people that have at least one thing in common with you: the social contacts will appear with time in those groups, it's almost inpossible for this to not happen.

once you stop being (that) lonely and have a social circle set up, the girlfriend becomes an option.
you need to have friends (of both genders) before you are able to get partners, that's just the way it is.
not that your partner has to come from this group of friends, but you must have friends or you'll push others away.

I am lonely too. I can be on my own for a long time and its fine but when I finally get back in a group of people it seems like they're all talking about stuff I've missed out on or have no idea about. It seems to underline how I've just been spending all my time alone.

I cried last night.

It seems my reputation is better than I thought. But "friends" aren't all they're cracked up to be. They only seem to have time for me when I don't need it, and when I do they're not really available for me at all.

I don't think I have the type of friends NTs talk about when they say friends.

I never had any friends of either gender, and I've had girlfriends (I'm even married).

I really don't see the logic in the above as I'd never consider friends as girlfriend material, so what then is the use of having friends at all?

It's certainly possible to be in social circles without wanting to be friends with the people, rather only participate in whatever the circle is about.

Finding someone to be with is not always better. My girl fights with me about everything. I hate it. I miss the old days when all the pain I had to deal with was loneliness. That was so much easier to deal with. The idea that, just being with somebody else will make life better, is a mistake in my opinion.

The friends are to learn how to speak to people, and becouse someone without friends is often rejected as a 'freak'.
i tried to mention that this group didn't (have to) be the 'source' of the partner, but a "requirement" (of sorts, not 100%, but akin to a diploma for getting a job)

Why are you together then?

^^^ I was going to say something like this. There are lots of people, including NTs (especially NTs, maybe?), who are't lonely but instead are stuck in lousy and even abusive, toxic relationships that some of them refuse to give up because they think being lonely would be worse. Maybe or maybe not--but don't trap yourself into thinking that being in a relationship or desperately seeking one would be better!

I know it's not easy, but please try not to think that being alone means you're somehow inferior to the people who aren't.

When my parents got divorced, I felt like I got cheated out of having a family. I just can't do that to my kids. I suffer my horrible wife for them. It is very rare that a day goes by where I don't think about killing myself or just walking into the woods never to come back. Loneliness was chocolate cake compared to this life.

That really sounds more horrific.

My mom is very paranoid over the idea of me having a girlfriend that my first girlfriend I dated behind her back, meaning in secret. This was from late 2011 until we broke up in Summer 2013.

My asexual sister does not want a boyfriend and expects me to do the same.