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Sea Gull
Sea Gull

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Joined: 22 May 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 248

30 Aug 2015, 12:08 am

Or relationship of any kind, really. I constantly expect my friends, especially my closest ones, to suddenly reveal their "true" feelings to me, that they think I'm weird and are only friends with me out of pity.

Even my best friend of five years... If she doesn't return my text right away I start to panic and think she doesn't want to be my friend anymore.

It's even worse with my crush, who has as and is notoriously bad about responding quickly. There have been times when he didn't respond to my email for two days, and I'd break down and cry, only to have him email me five minutes later saying he was sorry for the slow response.

So, my question is, how can I get over this, and feel more secure with my friends? I was bullied a lot at school, and had a lot of "fake" friends who would make fun of me behind my back, or act nice one day and mean the next... I finally have real friends, but I still have trouble forgetting those old incidents, and it's really making me feel insecure.


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Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Age: 55
Gender: Female
Posts: 11,897
Location: About 50 miles past the middle of nowhere

30 Aug 2015, 12:55 am

You have to remind yourself over and over, when you start to feel like this, that your friends like you but they also have lives that don't concern you all the time, just like you have a life that doesn't concern them all the time. And I hope you do have that now. I know how you feel and at first when you finally have friends it's hard not to be obsessed with them and want to constantly be in touch and to talk all the time etc etc etc. You start thinking that they should feel like you do about wanting to be with each other or share things, but they don't feel like that because they didn't have the kind of shitty experience that you and I had. They are laid back and OK with having some distance.

Keep reminding yourself of that. I had to do that. I had to remind myself that I was the one with the strange expectations here because of how I had been done. I had to make myself look to their example and how they acted as to how real friendships were supposed to go. It's ok to let go and do that. Follow their lead. People go days and weeks without talking sometimes. I went a couple months without talking to my best friend recently. I'm a little pissed cause I know it's because of her jealous asshat of a boyfriend who is a loser in more ways than just being jealous, but it's up to her and he's her bf and she manages to call and come over when she can so I'm important to her and she knows when she needs somebody that I'm here and I know that she's there for me when I do.

So, while saying try to relax is useless, that really is all I can say to you. It does get better but you may be always more concerned about your friends than they are you because of your past. It's happened to me.

I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA. ;-)

The link to the forum is