Aspie girls What do guys do wrong?

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LordRikerQ
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30 Aug 2015, 8:19 pm

I had a idea, in an effort to learn and hopefully become better, I really wanted to ask the girls around here what do they feel some of aspie guys are doing wrong to be unsuccessful with women.

Hopefully with some dialogue maybe some helpful advice can come out of this. I for one would like to improve and try to figure out how to correct any short comings so I can be someone a girl would love to be with.



voleregard
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31 Aug 2015, 3:28 pm

Well, I ain't no girl, but I see no one else has posted.

Have you checked prior postings like: viewtopic.php?f=6&t=127122&start=15#p2809970



kraftiekortie
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31 Aug 2015, 3:36 pm

It helps to be more optimistic about your chances.

It also helps to deal with statistics such as "80 percent of all Aspie guys will never have a long-term relationship"--they're garbage.



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31 Aug 2015, 4:04 pm

No female posters yet, which I don't find surprising. Why would they tell us what we're doing wrong? If they don't like us, they don't like us. If women don't like you, the only way to succeed at attracting them is to deceive them. Why would they want to help us do that? Better let us stay honest about our undesirability and therefore rightly single and celibate.


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yellowtamarin
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31 Aug 2015, 5:22 pm

I was going to try to respond, but I realised it was too difficult because there is no way to know what you are doing wrong without seeing you in action. Many posts here describing people's experiences in the dating world are paraphrased, are missing crucial info, or are just generally missing the point.

If you have specific questions relating to things we can give advice on without seeing the way you behave (or if you can give examples like pasting an actual message sent to someone on an online dating website or something), then I might be able to better respond.

I could make guesses, but they would be guesses and possibly misleading.



LordRikerQ
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31 Aug 2015, 5:43 pm

Well I sort of meant from personal experiences what aspie girls find aspie guys do wrong. Its not for me specifically, in my case I imagine it's the anxiety that upsets non aspie women. I myself have never been involved with another aspie.



yellowtamarin
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01 Sep 2015, 1:45 am

My preference has been to date people who are aspie or have aspie traits; I tend to get along with those types of people the best, as long as they are the introverted sort. So, I wouldn't say that "aspies" in particular do anything wrong..."aspieness" is a positive quality, generally speaking. It is an individual doing individual things or having individual traits that would turn me off.

Buuut...okay I can think of one trait that I have seen fairly commonly in aspies that is initially a bit off-putting, and that is "seriousness". An anxious or self-conscious aspie, when meeting someone for the first time, can tend to come across like they don't have much of a sense of humour. If I'm on a date, I want to smile, laugh, joke. Aspies who are "slow to warm up" might struggle to find someone with whom they have that infamous *spark*. Admitting this upfront would be a good way to overcome this problem I think. Tell your date that you are nervous, or that you take a few dates to warm up, or something along those lines, and that may convince her that she should give you another go if she otherwise thinks you are a nice, interesting person.



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01 Sep 2015, 2:14 am

You should show her that you're trying..I mean..even if an aspie guy cannot read his girl's emotions well enough, he should show he wants to know how she feels by asking her. For instance if he kept asking me how I feel I would more than appreciate that I know he cares my feelings. And in this way, I can learn in which way I should express my feelings effectively to make him read my emotions. But if he just expects that I would understand so called aspie traits and don't try to give up his disabilities to some extend, it will make me sad big time.


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rdos
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01 Sep 2015, 4:56 am

You shouldn't ask Aspie girls about this, rather NT girls as it is those most people here seems to date and fail with. So, I think the major thing they are doing wrong is to target the wrong type of girls.



The_Face_of_Boo
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01 Sep 2015, 6:36 am

Katy will tell you because you exist.



MjrMajorMajor
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01 Sep 2015, 7:45 am

rdos wrote:
You shouldn't ask Aspie girls about this, rather NT girls as it is those most people here seems to date and fail with. So, I think the major thing they are doing wrong is to target the wrong type of girls.



Bingo. I also agree that the question is too broad.



tombo12boar
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01 Sep 2015, 8:05 am

Personally - and this is me talking about the specific culture I live in - I have believed for years that the main place Aspies fall down in flirting is the "play fighting" aspect. For example when I was at work a woman came to a male colleague and asked for the walkie-talkie, and he said "No I won't give it to you, come on make me," and she started laughing and play fighting him for the radio. I've noticed this for years. NTs flirting break tension between them with fun play-fighting and affectionate joke-insults. It wouldn't even cross my mind to say "I won't give you the radio" and make a woman play fight me for it, even if we liked each other. For over 10 years I have believed this is where AS men fall down in flirting.



Kiriae
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01 Sep 2015, 9:22 am

I am an aspie girl and I have no idea what aspie guys do wrong because I never met any and I don't talk with NT girls enough to know if they dated any and have any opinion about aspie guys.



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01 Sep 2015, 6:17 pm

yellowtamarin wrote:
I was going to try to respond, but I realised it was too difficult because there is no way to know what you are doing wrong without seeing you in action. Many posts here describing people's experiences in the dating world are paraphrased, are missing crucial info, or are just generally missing the point.

If you have specific questions relating to things we can give advice on without seeing the way you behave (or if you can give examples like pasting an actual message sent to someone on an online dating website or something), then I might be able to better respond.

I could make guesses, but they would be guesses and possibly misleading.


Same here. No conspiracy going on against Aspie guys, I just haven't met many that I could say there's a list of things they tend to do that's uncomfortable to me.

If anything, I'd assume there are a lot of the same problems with NT and Aspie men, just perhaps more frequent. Things like personality clashes, wanting different things from a relationship, or crossing personal boundaries and accidentally coming across as rude.

I imagine anyone with trouble telling the difference between sarcasm and a literal comment wouldn't be able to show off their funny side easily, and those with sensory issues might not like popular hangouts that it's seen as strange to not go to. Subtle cues could be missed and they could be seen as uncaring, not interested, or boring.



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01 Sep 2015, 9:39 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Katy will tell you because you exist.



LOL at that! What is her current incarnation btw?


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Crazyfool
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02 Sep 2015, 12:39 pm

tombo12boar wrote:
Personally - and this is me talking about the specific culture I live in - I have believed for years that the main place Aspies fall down in flirting is the "play fighting" aspect. For example when I was at work a woman came to a male colleague and asked for the walkie-talkie, and he said "No I won't give it to you, come on make me," and she started laughing and play fighting him for the radio. I've noticed this for years. NTs flirting break tension between them with fun play-fighting and affectionate joke-insults. It wouldn't even cross my mind to say "I won't give you the radio" and make a woman play fight me for it, even if we liked each other. For over 10 years I have believed this is where AS men fall down in flirting.


I think this is huge! I think most women like a guy that can maker her laugh, most guys probably feel the same way, I know I do. I'll often light-hardidly make fun of myself too, it's also a good way to deflect bullying and show others that you like a good laugh and won't be affected by teasing. The timing and the context has to be right, otherwise you'll just sound like you have no self-confidence, which ladies correct me if I'm wrong but not many women like a guy that mopes around in self pity all the time?