Aspie girls What do guys do wrong?

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Peacesells
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04 Sep 2015, 6:29 pm

rdos wrote:
Not at all. It would bias him more to end up with NTs, which would give him poorer results and more rejections.

Why ending up with NTs gives poorer results and more rejection?



voleregard
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04 Sep 2015, 7:34 pm

rdos wrote:
when I researched this quite a while ago, the result was that ND had just as big chance to be with another ND as an NT.

Are you saying that an ND girl is statistically just as likely to choose an ND guy as an NT guy? I find this quite hard to believe. Not saying it isn't true, just that it doesn't match with what I see discussed on this forum.

rdos wrote:
voleregard wrote:
A male that incorporates this ritual "playfighting" of which you speak, would therefore statistically have more success even with neurodiverse girls, it would seem.

Not at all. It would bias him more to end up with NTs, which would give him poorer results and more rejections.
Awesome. I’m off to find an ND girl to not playfight with… I think the observatory might be a good start...



voleregard
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04 Sep 2015, 7:42 pm

Peacesells wrote:
rdos wrote:
Not at all. It would bias him more to end up with NTs, which would give him poorer results and more rejections.

Why ending up with NTs gives poorer results and more rejection?


My guess is that while in the short-term, playfighting and other NT behavior would attract more NTgirls, in the long-run, the ND/autistic traits in the guy will show. And when they do, the NT woman usually won't understand or just won't want any part of it. So the two end up either in conflict or with her rejection of him.



rdos
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05 Sep 2015, 4:06 am

voleregard wrote:
rdos wrote:
when I researched this quite a while ago, the result was that ND had just as big chance to be with another ND as an NT.

Are you saying that an ND girl is statistically just as likely to choose an ND guy as an NT guy? I find this quite hard to believe. Not saying it isn't true, just that it doesn't match with what I see discussed on this forum.


I wasn't using a perfect method, rather had a design where I encouraged people that had done Aspie Quiz to let their partner also do it, and then I could compare scores. I don't think there was any gender difference in it either. This finding is valid for neurodiversity only, and not necessarily for diagnosed ASD.

When girls (and guys too) claim they are with NTs, I wouldn't put a lot of confidence in this. It just means their partner haven't been diagnosed, and often they have not tested them with some kind of screening test either, so this is likely to overrate the number of NT partners.

Also, in my study, many of the participants could have been dating NTs, and so we don't know if they actually ended up in an LTR or not. A better future study would use only people in LTRs.



Moccu
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05 Sep 2015, 4:14 am

I'm really not sure. I've never befriended an aspie guy before, and I've only ever dated NT's, so my experience ends there in terms of ND.

I've had some aspie guys talk to me, so here's what I've gathered from my short encounters with them; they're either very shy (in an uncomfortable way), or have obviously roaming eyes.


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Spiderpig
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05 Sep 2015, 4:29 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
That is not a biological fact...that would be your opinion.


Established science is not "my opinion". Moreover, the reason why it happens is quite well understood. If you're going to deny it without bothering to check your facts, there's little point in dicussing anything.

Sweetleaf wrote:
Maybe some guys have the bad luck of pursuing picky women thus to them it can appear all or most must be.


I don't think that's bad luck at all. I can't fail to notice most women reasonably close to my age have the power to make me wish I could have some physical intimacy with them. It's obvious I don't have such power over them, because otherwise I'd have lots of experience by now. Besides, if they desired me, their need for defensive behaviors to keep me away would be much less.


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Moccu
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05 Sep 2015, 5:21 am

Spiderpig wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
That is not a biological fact...that would be your opinion.


Established science is not "my opinion". Moreover, the reason why it happens is quite well understood. If you're going to deny it without bothering to check your facts, there's little point in dicussing anything.

Sweetleaf wrote:
Maybe some guys have the bad luck of pursuing picky women thus to them it can appear all or most must be.


I don't think that's bad luck at all. I can't fail to notice most women reasonably close to my age have the power to make me wish I could have some physical intimacy with them. It's obvious I don't have such power over them, because otherwise I'd have lots of experience by now. Besides, if they desired me, their need for defensive behaviors to keep me away would be much less.

What do you feel drives them away from you?


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You are very likely neurotypical


Spiderpig
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05 Sep 2015, 5:41 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
What off hand accusation? you said I was trying to make you look bad with my responses...which I wasn't, hence you assume too much negative intentions on the part of other people.


The accusation of assuming too much in this case. The OP asked about things those of us women don't like do wrong. Acting like my use of the first person plural is cryptic when talking about the OP's question makes it hard to assume you're not deliberately making fun of me, because I don't know how you could interpret it other than the way I intended---unless, of course, you didn't bother to pay much attention to my post before deciding to criticize it. To top it all, if asking me whether I'm Sméagol/Gollum is not a good reason to feel mocked, I don't know what is.

Sweetleaf wrote:
Also you assume any women regardless of anything would hate you...and every other autistic male it seems.


No, I don't. You are assuming I assume that. I only said I don't know why a woman would help someone she doesn't like deceive her. But I've already said that and I don't like repeating myself, which is the ultimate waste of time.

Sweetleaf wrote:
Also I was responding to your comment about 'no females have commented yet' and your assumptions as to why that was, since what you described was not my reason for having not posted in this thread...and the way i understood it was it was for general advice and I wasn't sure autistic people give the best 'general' advice just took it a little too literally.


Again, I didn't assume anything. I said I see no reason why any woman would want to give us the kind of advice the OP requested.


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314pe
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06 Sep 2015, 5:27 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
That is not a biological fact...that would be your opinion. Maybe some guys have the bad luck of pursuing picky women thus to them it can appear all or most must be.

In a way you're right. Some guys have bad luck of being not good enough to meet standards of even the least picky women. Obviously, everyone has standards and preferences. That means that due to gender ratio there will always be some young males who are left out. I'm not being KayteyKay here, I'm just being realistic.



jackinblack
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06 Sep 2015, 8:12 am

From my observation it is lack of sense of humour and social tension (perceived as shyness) that turn women away. This is number one thing women want to see in all men - social relaxation (seen as confidence, proving ability to overcome stress and gain status) and sense of humour (ability to engage socially, relax others and bright mind that can be put to a good use within a social hierarchy).



rdos
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06 Sep 2015, 9:29 am

jackinblack wrote:
From my observation it is lack of sense of humour and social tension (perceived as shyness) that turn women away. This is number one thing women want to see in all men - social relaxation (seen as confidence, proving ability to overcome stress and gain status) and sense of humour (ability to engage socially, relax others and bright mind that can be put to a good use within a social hierarchy).


Now we are talking about NTs again and generalizing it to "all women". :roll:



marshall
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07 Sep 2015, 2:20 pm

nurseangela wrote:
I told my Aspie friend this:
Learn about NT female emotional needs. On the other Aspie site you would see NT females complaining about their Aspie bf's and husbands not fulfilling their "emotional" needs. Aspie men have a problem understanding this because it has to do with "feelings" which brings "closeness". Nothing logical about it. And it's done in ways that Aspie men are uncomfortable with - eye contact, touching, cuddling, SMALL TALK. That's how NT women connect. Without it, I can't tell you how lonely it is and it is a NEED. If we don't get it, we get very depressed. I'm not even seeing my Aspie friend in person, but its very hard to have a close friendship with him. I can tell he's always holding back. He's not good with small talk. Everything with him is logical. When I brought up to him about fulfilling NT female emotional needs, he wanted a definition. It's a "feeling" And cant be defined. Facial expressions and body language come into it too. Spending quality time listening is a big thing - not doing another activity while listening. He said he would learn more about emotional needs of women. And doing things that don't make sense comes into it too - celebrating Valentines Day, anniversaries, birthdays, etc. Its the thought that gives us the warm, fuzzy feelings and makes us feel closer to the other person.


But I've noticed the emotionally detached types seem to get into relationships easier than the sensitive types. It's seen as macho and attractive in some way to some NT females. Then they complain about it when they're actually in a relationship. Aspies who are sensitive seem to get rejected right off the bat for not being funny enough or "confident" enough (e.g. smooth talking, entertaining, etc..). NT women want it both ways. They want fake traits like chattiness and confidence (i.e. psychopathic loquaciousness), then complain when their man doesn't actually care. Most don't want someone who's straightforward and doesn't put on some fake front to "charm" them.



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08 Sep 2015, 1:08 am

Spiderpig wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
That is not a biological fact...that would be your opinion.


Established science is not "my opinion". Moreover, the reason why it happens is quite well understood. If you're going to deny it without bothering to check your facts, there's little point in dicussing anything.

Sweetleaf wrote:
Maybe some guys have the bad luck of pursuing picky women thus to them it can appear all or most must be.


I don't think that's bad luck at all. I can't fail to notice most women reasonably close to my age have the power to make me wish I could have some physical intimacy with them. It's obvious I don't have such power over them, because otherwise I'd have lots of experience by now. Besides, if they desired me, their need for defensive behaviors to keep me away would be much less.


Well your claim wasn't established science... established science does not claim 'males are the expendable sex and females are picky' or at least I certainly haven't seen this study....so do you have a link?

Also maybe its not bad luck per say, but I think there are a lot of guys who have the issue of pursuing picky women....some of them do so because they think that is the kind of women they're 'supposed' to go after, according to social norms.

Also you said you never meet anyone new ever a while back in another thread...so how are these women even supposed to get the chance to find out if you're attractive to any of them if you never meet anyone new ever? which would imply you never go out or are around other people. And it seems aside from physical attraction you don't even really like women...would be kind of hard for one to be in a relationship with a guy who doesn't like them except for looks and intimate contact.


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Sweetleaf
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08 Sep 2015, 1:15 am

Spiderpig wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
What off hand accusation? you said I was trying to make you look bad with my responses...which I wasn't, hence you assume too much negative intentions on the part of other people.


The accusation of assuming too much in this case. The OP asked about things those of us women don't like do wrong. Acting like my use of the first person plural is cryptic when talking about the OP's question makes it hard to assume you're not deliberately making fun of me, because I don't know how you could interpret it other than the way I intended---unless, of course, you didn't bother to pay much attention to my post before deciding to criticize it. To top it all, if asking me whether I'm Sméagol/Gollum is not a good reason to feel mocked, I don't know what is.

Sweetleaf wrote:
Also you assume any women regardless of anything would hate you...and every other autistic male it seems.


No, I don't. You are assuming I assume that. I only said I don't know why a woman would help someone she doesn't like deceive her. But I've already said that and I don't like repeating myself, which is the ultimate waste of time.

Sweetleaf wrote:
Also I was responding to your comment about 'no females have commented yet' and your assumptions as to why that was, since what you described was not my reason for having not posted in this thread...and the way i understood it was it was for general advice and I wasn't sure autistic people give the best 'general' advice just took it a little too literally.


Again, I didn't assume anything. I said I see no reason why any woman would want to give us the kind of advice the OP requested.


You did assume too much though...you assumed I was trying to make you look bad, and now apparently viciously making fun of you because your grudge/disdain filled talk of how 'women hate us, and think this about us, and that about us. and all this us and we stuff that sounds more like its about your personal experience than the experience of all autistic people. The character smeagol/gollum talks like that....was more trying to show how you were coming off you can use terms like me and I when speaking of your personal experience otherwise yes it reminds me of that LOTR character. But you assumed some dark intentions on my part that I just was never really feeling.

How is it not an assumption that 'no women would want to give us the kind of advice the OP requested'?


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