How do I get rid of my explosive behavior?

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Joehotto101
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13 Sep 2015, 11:07 pm

For the past few years, I have had trouble controlling my anger and have extreme anxiety when things go unexpectedly. Whenever I get angry when things don't go my way/expected or an uncomfortable thought comes in my head (such as when I made a scene and my dad's girlfriend dumped him because of me), I bang my head on the wall several times, jump up and down like a baby, scream on top of my lungs, break things, and use extreme profanity (I will f*cking kill that f*cking sh*it w*nker n*gger). It happened really bad today in the mall when the shopping clerk was being difficult, so I shouted, pounded my fist several times, and threw my purchase on the floor. My dad got furious at me, and told me that if i continue this behavior, he will send me to the mental clinic for a month. I am also upset because I am new to community college and have no friends so far.

What do I do when I have raging temper in my body and not let it out to cause a scene? The pressure builds up so quickly that i can't just "suck it up".



Misery
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14 Sep 2015, 12:19 am

Hm, the best thing I can think of is to simply walk away, preferrably quickly. Dont say much, just drop whatever you're doing, and start walking. Get away from the area where the problem is happening, and then maybe do, I dunno, some exercise or something. Something a bit strenuous yet considered healthy. This way you work out the physical tension slowly instead of explosively. The very act of quickly walking away starts the process immediately.

Or you could even do something like walk into a bathroom (somewhere where you're alone) and then just, I dunno, wave your arms around wildly and at random until you've worked off some of the pressure. It may sound a bit stupid, but consider it a form of stimming, and with pretty much the same purpose: working off tension, frustration, and anxiety by getting your mind to focus on some sort of physical sensation and/or movement.

Or you could do something like I do, which is to simply stomp the ground a few times. I stop the moment it starts to hurt, which is usually after about 3 times. I dont do it in front of anyone either, though if someone DOES see me, it looks like a more "normal" display of frustration rather than doing something like banging my head against a wall, which is A: pointless and painful, and B: very strange-looking to others that may see you. And that can cause problems, as you probably already know.

Granted, I'll occaisionally just throw something, but it's always something of mine, in my own room, that isnt easily damaged, and I just launch it at the door or something. Frustration vented, no real harm done so long as I dont throw it at something that could be damaged.

I find all of those things are much better than getting all verbal about it. Your current behavior in these situations could get REALLY bad. I dont mean bad as in you'd hurt someone or something like that... I mean bad as in how others could react to it. Someone could easily end up calling the cops on you, and.... well, I dont need to explain how THAT could end badly. You dont want that, so learning some alternate form of venting is necessary.

You can even vent here a bit, on this forum, and very likely find plenty of others that will have had similar experiences like whatever is aggravating at the time, and thus will have sympathy.


Now, as for the bit about community college... I know how this will sound, but dont worry too much about not making friends there. My own experience with community college is very different than a "focused" college (which I've also done); people are there for basic stuff that they need, and it's usually not very interesting, but often required of them. They dont have much enthusiasm, and arent likely to take much of a positive interest, instead wanting to just get it over with. Mostly, nobody seems to try very hard to make friends or socialize, doing so only if someone else they already know happens to be there at the time (and with a community college, this is common). Just focus on the work that needs to be done, and dont concern yourself with it. If a friendship IS going to be made, it'll just sort of happen; purposely seeking one out is only going to frustrate you.



Real1s
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14 Sep 2015, 12:45 am

Misery gave some real pearls there. The trick about rage is to outwit it. It's a transitory thing set off by circumstantial events. You have to go somewhere else either in your mind, physically or both. Get out of the situation as fast as you can. If you're at a crowded place and can't get out of it fast enough, I like the bathroom concept. Don't worry about what other people might be thinking along the way to your exile place, because the last thing you want to do is embroil yourself in confrontation. Believe me, people don't wanna be involved, they will shrink away from you like melting butter.

And ditto on the community college thing...just like Misery said, cc's aren't the place to forge great friendships and fraternity type comrades. Totally different at a four yr, liberal arts college. Cc's are purpose built;get in, get out and go on with your life.

R



Anachron
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14 Sep 2015, 1:14 am

Greater is the man with self-control. You can achieve this. The rage demon lives within me as well. It accumilates over time until I just blow my lid. I control it by destroying things in a safe place. I shoot guns at water bottles or just bust sticks outside. Work hard at something like ripping through some trees with a chainsaw, or take a construction job. I play GTA daily when I feel it burning its way out. In a game environment I can raise all kinds of hell and it really helps me stay calm in the real world. My Mother told me, "You have to put holes in your bucket or it will overflow."

I came accross this by pasting your question into the address bar:
http://www.helpguide.org/articles/emoti ... gement.htm



Cyllya1
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15 Sep 2015, 4:14 am

I used to think I had anger issues but it turned out to be sensory issues. It's pretty common for ASD folks to be hypersensitive, so even if you have seperate anger issues, it's likely that sensory issues are contributing. Here's what worked for me, in case it helps.


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Joe90
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15 Sep 2015, 4:23 am

I know how you feel. I keep exploding at work when things don't go right, or if I'm put somewhere I don't like. I don't jump up and down or stamp my feet, but I do shout at whoever has pissed me off, and storm away then go somewhere and cry. It always makes me feel better when someone, anyone, (even the person who pissed me off) comes up to me and cuddles me and talks to me about the problem. But if I keep doing this too often, people will start thinking that I'm attention-seeking, and won't come to comfort me any more, and I will then have to express my feelings to nobody, which is always horrible.

Also I've noticed that I have gotten more assertive than I ever used to be. A few years ago I used to just let people say whatever they want to me, or do whatever they want to me, and I'd just take it and be really scared to assert myself. Now I don't feel as afraid to assert myself, and I think that 10 years down the line I will probably be even better, until I have learnt myself the skill of being authoritative. I haven't quite got to that skill yet though, because when I am in an authoritative position at work, I clam all up and just cannot tell anyone what to do without being too soft and lenient.


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