16 Sep 2015, 2:53 am
Lukeda420 wrote:
Inle wrote:
Lukeda420 wrote:
Inle wrote:
Gauldoth wrote:
Inle wrote:
You can either answer hypothetically, or based on your ltr/'s.
Are you happy for your relationship to not be an entirely equal partnership? Would you be happy to support a partner who doesn't/can't work? Would you be happy to have more responsibilities than your partner?
The reason I ask is because I've been trying to get back into work for the last 18 months, but it just hasn't been a viable option for me so far. I feel guilty about this, because it means my partner has the pressure of earning enough to support us both, and I'm not pulling my weight. He says that he's happy even if I can never work, and that I do enough just by doing the housework/laundry/cooking/childcare etc.
Should I feel guilty that I'm not fulfilling the same role as him? I love him very much and don't want him to be under extra pressure because of me.
Are you happy for your relationship to not be an entirely equal partnership? Would you be happy to support a partner who doesn't/can't work? Would you be happy to have more responsibilities than your partner?
The reason I ask is because I've been trying to get back into work for the last 18 months, but it just hasn't been a viable option for me so far. I feel guilty about this, because it means my partner has the pressure of earning enough to support us both, and I'm not pulling my weight. He says that he's happy even if I can never work, and that I do enough just by doing the housework/laundry/cooking/childcare etc.
Should I feel guilty that I'm not fulfilling the same role as him? I love him very much and don't want him to be under extra pressure because of me.
Ok, first of all, most relationships are not equal partnerships. In 99% of relationships, us guys are the ones who'll be doing 99% compromising and 99% of the responsiblities. That's how it works; guys compromise for the gals, so the gals can compromise for the kids.
Wait, I just realized you're a girl... forget everything I said. No, your partner won't care if you stay on as a housewife. If you feel like he's under a lot of stress, just strive to the best housewife you can be and make his after-work hours at home extra special.
I'm not even kidding here, honestly. Don't even bother too much looking for a job unless you really need the money or you're interested in pursuing a career. Your husband won't care if you're a stay-at-home wife.
Peace.
So.....what you're saying is that guys have 99% of the responsibilities, but woman look after the kids? So looking after the kids/home is 1% of the responsibility in a relationship/family.....?
No, I think he is saying that the woman has %99 percent control over the relationship. So if there is a disagreement the woman will get her way %99 percent of the time. Like I said, there is no way that that kind of relationship can be healthy.
I see. I am honestly baffled as to why anyone would expect someone to tolerate that. Or, indeed, why someone would tolerate that. I realise he was probably using hyperbole, but still.
Desperation. Loneliness can lead people to put up with things they should never have to. Also in a lot of those types of relationships there is often a high amount of emotions abuse. This can cause the person being abused to doubt their self worth. They may think they aren't good enough to be with anyone better or they may be manipulated into thinking they are the ones at fault. Unfortunately I think many aspies can be especially vulnerable to this type of treatment.
Ah - that's true. My ex (over the course of 5 years - very gradually) convinced me that it was better for me to let him manage the finances because he was more capable of visiting cash points/talking to the bank - which was true enough. He then proceeded to 'manage' my income as well as his own, when he left me, I was left with year's arrears on the mortgage, and a year's worth of gas, electric, council tax and water bills. Still don't know where the money actually went. He would also make 'jokes' about me, so if I was upset, it was because I was too sensitive - not that he was being cruel. It can be difficult to view your own situation with any objectivity. Of course my situatioon is different as I was having responsibility stripped from me, rather than lumped on me.
16 Sep 2015, 3:04 am
16 Sep 2015, 3:11 am
Feyokien wrote:
Inle wrote:
Feyokien wrote:
Hypothetical because I don't have real experience. Yeah I'm not quite sure actually, I guess it would have to do with the reason they're unemployed. If they're just being lazy and not caring about acquiring a job it might make me uneasy. I don't like the idea of someone just quitting their life and setting up camp in mine to just be a leach. But if they're looking and can't get or even find a job then I'd be fine with it. Getting a job these days is hard work, especially if you're ASD.
I dunno why this is just a question for guys though, I'd like to hear a womens thoughts on the same issue of dating an unemployed man.
I dunno why this is just a question for guys though, I'd like to hear a womens thoughts on the same issue of dating an unemployed man.
It's a question for guys because I'm in a relationship with a guy, so I wanted a male perspective. I have no objection to women posting their thoughts though, or LGBT
.As I said earlier, if I were fit for work, I would be happy to support somebody who was unable to work. Or, if I earned more/if we could manage financially, to support my partner as a stay-at-home parent. Or even work part-time and share the role/s.
Sorry, I was being difficult
It's ok
16 Sep 2015, 7:55 am
16 Sep 2015, 1:22 pm
16 Sep 2015, 4:59 pm
16 Sep 2015, 6:25 pm
16 Sep 2015, 10:54 pm
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,886
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
18 Sep 2015, 3:13 am
Inle wrote:
sly279 wrote:
"Happy wife, happy life" common. To be told to men about relationship advice another one is "the woman is always right even when she's wrong"
That's funny, women get the same advice about men! Ridiculous, isn't it?
Mind you, being willing to compromise, and knowing when to let things go, is so important in maintaining a relationship - don't you think?
https://www.yahoo.com/health/wifes-happ ... 58002.html
One of the comments is LOL
Quote:
When I was single I had a job that offered a chance to travel and paid well. I had two sports cars and a motorcycle. I enjoyed the company of many friends and had hobbies that were healthy and exciting. Then I got married. In a very short time both my cars and bike were gone. My friends were not longer my friends because they "were not good for us." I took a #$%$ job with no travel and less money so I could be at home more, only to find myself painting and re-painting the same walls every other year or two because of some Lowe's commercial. I say all that to say this, pick wisely or pay dearly.
From a happy world-traveling toys-owner bachelor to a home wall painter.
Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 18 Sep 2015, 3:23 am, edited 1 time in total.
18 Sep 2015, 3:21 am
20 Sep 2015, 4:54 pm
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