Met a really great girl. Would like some advice

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Asperger96
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16 Sep 2015, 7:52 am

I recently met this girl on online dating. I really like her, she is like me (diagnosis-wise), and she is the only girl I've been interested in to ever show any mutual interest. We met up a few days ago, and have gone out twice in 7 days. We text each other every single day, shes met my closest friends and I've met her friend and her mother. She really likes me, she said her mother also talks very highly of me. Now, twice someone had erroneously referred to me as her boyfriend. Each time she said "He's not my boyfriend, yet."

I haven't had a girlfriend yet, and I really like this girl. It takes some time to get close to her, that is clear. Me and her really have allot in common, and I hope she's interested.



izzeme
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16 Sep 2015, 8:11 am

Well, she did add a "not yet" after her denying you being her boyfriend; this is a good sign, it means she isn't opposed to the option.



GiantHockeyFan
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16 Sep 2015, 8:55 am

Sounds to me like she is waiting for you to step up and ask her point black to be her boyfriend. Don't be like me and be too chicken to do it: even a rejection is a BIG plus for you at this stage of your life. I should know.



ProfessorJohn
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16 Sep 2015, 9:44 am

As others have said, her reply sounds very promising. I was in a therapy session the other day talking about relationships and all, and my therapist said something about how many people, after a few dates, decide to only see each other. I guess that is when it moves into the boyfriend-girlfriend stage. I had never really thought about that before. I guess I placed too much emphasis on the first date, thinking that was already a relationship.

Sounds like you found someone really good for you, congratulations! I hope it does work out for you.



kraftiekortie
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16 Sep 2015, 9:50 am

I think you just might get a positive outcome, Sir.



SilverStar
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16 Sep 2015, 11:01 pm

Everything sounds good so far. I will give you the green light on this one. :wink:



Sweetleaf
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16 Sep 2015, 11:20 pm

GiantHockeyFan wrote:
Sounds to me like she is waiting for you to step up and ask her point black to be her boyfriend. Don't be like me and be too chicken to do it: even a rejection is a BIG plus for you at this stage of your life. I should know.


Yeah she may not be sure the OP wants to be her boyfriend, so she doesn't want to say that until shes sure. I just know in my experience I can have a difficult time knowing exactly when its appropriate to consider each other boyfriend and girlfriend. I've certainly been upset by this....like when I've thought maybe it was to that extent but turns out the guy wasn't very interested. My current boyfriend though just told me he wanted to be after a couple dates and the feeling was mutual so now no question about it.

But basically I just know I can be nervous/unsure when to actually refer to a guy I've been dating as my 'boyfriend' unless we actually talk about it directly and they express they want to be my boyfriend.


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17 Sep 2015, 12:35 am

You're probably in that lovestruck phase right now, getting butterflies every time you think about her. Thinking about her all day all night, probably dream about her too. I'm guessing you've lost your appetite as well. It's one hell of a drug man I tell you. Being in love is one hell of a drug.


Looks like to me things are going great, you've gotten farther then iv'e ever gone before. Just pray to Zeus that she doesn't friend-zone you now trolololol. Ultimate troll.


Hey man if it doesn't work out, then give Tinder a shot. (Actually you'll probably hate that app and start ranting on forums like I did so I woudn't recommend it)


Like I said man, congratz bro. Now take her back to your place for some "fun time" if you know what I mean ;)


It means playing video games duh...



Asperger96
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18 Sep 2015, 7:54 am

izzeme wrote:
Well, she did add a "not yet" after her denying you being her boyfriend; this is a good sign, it means she isn't opposed to the option.


I hope so! This girl is really great, we're hanging out this weekend, third weekend in a row.

GiantHockeyFan wrote:
Sounds to me like she is waiting for you to step up and ask her point black to be her boyfriend. Don't be like me and be too chicken to do it: even a rejection is a BIG plus for you at this stage of your life. I should know.


We met on an online dating site, so I'm sure she knows I'm interested in her. She seems to have at least some interest in me, which is hopeful.

ProfessorJohn wrote:
As others have said, her reply sounds very promising. I was in a therapy session the other day talking about relationships and all, and my therapist said something about how many people, after a few dates, decide to only see each other. I guess that is when it moves into the boyfriend-girlfriend stage. I had never really thought about that before. I guess I placed too much emphasis on the first date, thinking that was already a relationship.

Sounds like you found someone really good for you, congratulations! I hope it does work out for you.


I don't know if what we had already qualify as "dates", especially since both times I had friends their with me. Next time we're hanging out, though, its just going to be the two of us.

kraftiekortie wrote:
I think you just might get a positive outcome, Sir.


Heres hoping!

Sweetleaf wrote:
Yeah she may not be sure the OP wants to be her boyfriend, so she doesn't want to say that until shes sure. I just know in my experience I can have a difficult time knowing exactly when its appropriate to consider each other boyfriend and girlfriend. I've certainly been upset by this....like when I've thought maybe it was to that extent but turns out the guy wasn't very interested. My current boyfriend though just told me he wanted to be after a couple dates and the feeling was mutual so now no question about it.

But basically I just know I can be nervous/unsure when to actually refer to a guy I've been dating as my 'boyfriend' unless we actually talk about it directly and they express they want to be my boyfriend.


Well, the thing is we're both pretty shy. It's not really in my nature to be assertive.



HisShadowX
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20 Sep 2015, 6:30 am

Asperger96 wrote:
I recently met this girl on online dating. I really like her, she is like me (diagnosis-wise), and she is the only girl I've been interested in to ever show any mutual interest. We met up a few days ago, and have gone out twice in 7 days. We text each other every single day, shes met my closest friends and I've met her friend and her mother. She really likes me, she said her mother also talks very highly of me. Now, twice someone had erroneously referred to me as her boyfriend. Each time she said "He's not my boyfriend, yet."

I haven't had a girlfriend yet, and I really like this girl. It takes some time to get close to her, that is clear. Me and her really have allot in common, and I hope she's interested.


If she is in a relationship with you than she wouldn't have said that. Sadly I think your jumping to conclusions. Worst thing there is, is being a self diagnosised autistic because you don't know what you really have.

Your not self diagnosised you took the time to find out and now it's time you took the time to ask her what you two are and if you should go to the next level. She is autistic so be direct and she is also a female is be assertive.



AnonymousAnonymous
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20 Sep 2015, 3:07 pm

Just keep going with this girl and you will certainly get somewhere in your relationship.


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Agemaki
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20 Sep 2015, 11:43 pm

If she's shy like you she might really appreciate the gesture on your part of initiating the boyfriend/girlfriend status. And if she knows that you are shy too then it can be an especially meaningful gesture.

Best of luck to you both, you two sound adorable.



Agemaki
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20 Sep 2015, 11:52 pm

HisShadowX wrote:
Asperger96 wrote:
I recently met this girl on online dating. I really like her, she is like me (diagnosis-wise), and she is the only girl I've been interested in to ever show any mutual interest. We met up a few days ago, and have gone out twice in 7 days. We text each other every single day, shes met my closest friends and I've met her friend and her mother. She really likes me, she said her mother also talks very highly of me. Now, twice someone had erroneously referred to me as her boyfriend. Each time she said "He's not my boyfriend, yet."

I haven't had a girlfriend yet, and I really like this girl. It takes some time to get close to her, that is clear. Me and her really have allot in common, and I hope she's interested.


If she is in a relationship with you than she wouldn't have said that. Sadly I think your jumping to conclusions. Worst thing there is, is being a self diagnosised autistic because you don't know what you really have.

Your not self diagnosised you took the time to find out and now it's time you took the time to ask her what you two are and if you should go to the next level. She is autistic so be direct and she is also a female is be assertive.


I don't recall the OP saying the girl was self-diagnosed. But either way a lot of us don't feel the need for a diagnosis so I don't see why that would matter.

And I don't think you should assume that someone prefers assertiveness/passivity because of their gender. Some women are more assertive and some men are more passive. The OP would have a better idea of this girl's temperament and her relative assertiveness.



The_Face_of_Boo
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21 Sep 2015, 5:36 am

You are on the right track.



Asperger96
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21 Sep 2015, 11:05 am

UPDATE: We went out Saturday, third weekend in a row! (And we made plans for the next two weekends). I really like this girl, and we discussed boyfriend/girlfriend stuff. She is definitely considering me, but she is very slow with relationships, and she is VERY careful about it. She is very scared of heartbreak. (To be honest, if we don't end up dating, I'm DEFINITELY going to be heartbroken.)

I'm really crazy about her, she makes me laugh and smile, and when she held onto me and put her head on my shoulder, I never felt happy like that before.