I don't get why people I meet online stop talking to me

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Robben
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17 Sep 2015, 11:26 pm

This has happened to me as long as I can remember, I will meet someone online and we will be good friends for a while, then it's like all of a sudden they stop talking to me less and less until we don't talk anymore. The only advice I have gotten is to keep in touch instead of waiting for them to do it, but whenever I try it's like I get shot right down and it didn't help at all. I also don't know if this means anything, but I noticed that almost everyone who has done this to me is female, and it almost never happens when I meet someone in person. I met a girl yesterday and within a couple of messages we were already getting along on a good conversation. I messaged her again today and she was almost like a different person, she was a lot more serious and it felt like she didn't want to talk. It felt just like all the other times this happened to me. I know she could be having a bad day or something but I am already worried that she has started the same thing of talking less. I even wanted to meet her in person since we go to the same college. I just don't understand it though. Why she would change so much in less than 24 hours, and she already knew what kind of person I am so she could joke around at least. And now I am in the phase where I don't want to talk to her at all, in case she thinks I am annoying so I take a break on messaging her.



Drawyer
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18 Sep 2015, 12:48 am

(Don't be offended by my responding I am only trying to help you)
My possible consumption is as follows :
If a female thought that you're not the one she wants to have a friendship with, she should've had to cut the connection for your sake. Because she wouldn't want you to spend your precious time and energy on her. She would feel extremely guilty, if she let you think positively when there is little possibility to last the relationship.


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Elfwink
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18 Sep 2015, 2:05 am

Sometimes looking for the right friend is like looking for a good pair of shoes. You might try a few on, but keep the ones that fit the best.


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Earthling
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18 Sep 2015, 3:01 am

Some ideas:
-you did great with the girl you two had fun, but you ended the conversation with nothing that gives reason for you to continue conversation
-maybe she had too much fun and now has depression. I find that this is how depression works for me, way too much fun then when you return to base level it feels like things are going downhill
-she was fake nice? (unlikely but maybe...)
-it's not meant to be*

*Chemistry doesn't work
*or maybe you didn't open it well the second time (I make this mistake a lot and find it's one reason why things don't work out)
*Meh, maybe not mind it too much and move on



Robben
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19 Sep 2015, 1:13 am

Drawyer wrote:
(Don't be offended by my responding I am only trying to help you)
My possible consumption is as follows :
If a female thought that you're not the one she wants to have a friendship with, she should've had to cut the connection for your sake. Because she wouldn't want you to spend your precious time and energy on her. She would feel extremely guilty, if she let you think positively when there is little possibility to last the relationship.


To me it was like she was interested, and then suddenly lost interest, but I don't know what I did wrong. She asked me stuff like what I was going to do with my degree... it made me feel like she was interested. I could post the entire conversation, maybe that would help to find out what she really thinks.



Drawyer
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19 Sep 2015, 7:25 am

If you felt that girls were interested in you, then IDK. It's possible you'd met girls who happened to be good for nothings. There are all kind of wrong girls out there as well as good girls. Anyways, it will be better for your further romantic life to identify the source of the problem more clearly before making another move.


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SilverProteus
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19 Sep 2015, 2:37 pm

Did they actually share your interests or were just being nice?


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Robben
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19 Sep 2015, 5:59 pm

SilverProteus wrote:
Did they actually share your interests or were just being nice?

Yeah, I would say most of them had the same interests. The girls from December didn't have much in common with me actually, but we still got along. This girl I met the other day, I could tell we had a lot in common just by looking at her(dyed hair, piercings, video game shirts etc.) We are definitely in the "alternative" culture, and even though we aren't in the same kind of subculture, it is generally easy for me to relate to other "alternative" people. Early in the conversation she expressed how much she hates math class, I tried to sympathize and that is what really started up our conversation. The next day I found out she also likes ROTC, so I tried asking about it. She kind of just answered my questions in a serious way and not the conversation kind of way that I was intending. I plan on messaging her again on Monday, but I don't know what to say, I just don't want to go too long without talking to her.



BeaArthur
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20 Sep 2015, 3:08 pm

Maybe the problem is that online chat doesn't lead to lasting relationships for most people, but you are expecting it to. I chat online to pass a little time but it means nothing to me. I feel sorry for anyone who chatted with me expecting that it would continue, because that was never my agenda.


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Eternally500
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22 Sep 2015, 2:03 pm

The reality is that I don’t know how many times I have been through this. Meeting people online and becoming friends with them can be a rewarding experience but the majority of people you meet online no matter in how the interaction is it never usually becomes stable. We live in times which is like waves going up and down that’s my philosophy.

Also one thing I don’t know if your studying in the same country you come from, but if you study in another country sometimes it can be hard keeping in touch. When I was done with my education in the summer of 2013 and moved back to Norway the people I become friends with in England just became harder to stay in-touch, one example a person that came from Finland which was my friend we chatted for a while after we both moved back home.

But after a while it just became to much of a hassle he never talked at all, I had to do all the talking. It has to work like both ways or else its pointless I even asked him if he was open to me coming to visit him in Finland he said yes, then after a while he didn’t speak much about it at all so I gave up on it.

I can defiantly tell you your not alone in this, my point is that you need to set limits on how much its worth your time that’s about the only advice I can give.



RubyTates
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23 Sep 2015, 5:44 pm

Starting a conversation is one thing- keeping it going is another thing. I guess this is what "wooing" is all about. In the beginning stages, it's important to keep someone interested and engaged (or so I'm told). It actually takes a lot of work to keep these things going, but I feel like that is a little known fact that no one really seems to mention. We just assume we will meet someone and "click" automatically and it should be fine after that. That rarely happens, though.
All I can tell you is to not take it too personally.



Robben
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23 Sep 2015, 9:12 pm

Update to my current situation... I asked her if we could meet up sometime, she replied "Yeah!" which I interpreted as being excited to meet me. A few hours passed and I came up with a date and time to meet and I asked if she was good with that. It has been three days now, and she hasn't responded, which I find weird since she always responded within an hour of messaging her. I asked her again earlier today, and still no response. The app says she was active just an hour ago, so I assume she has seen my messages. Any ideas on why she wouldn't respond yet, and should I try to remind her again?(I planned on meeting this Saturday, but if she doesn't respond by then, I want to try and set up a new date. I don't wanna give up so soon, I really feel there is something special about her.)



BeaArthur
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23 Sep 2015, 9:25 pm

To paraphrase a movie title, "she's just not that into you." She might have been scared off by you moving too fast, or she might have a lot of other things going on. Or perhaps she was never really interested.

You of course may continue your effort at contacting her, but don't be too disappointed if she never responds.


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