Girlfriend pregnant with aspie's child. Need advice

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My girlfriend of 8 years left me for a man in Sweden with aspergers. She came back to america and we started dating again. After a while we had a suprise, she has a bun in the oven! We know he is his and are concerned about the chances of him inheriting autism. I was researching online the chances but can't find any solid answers. I was wondering if anyone could tell me the chance of autism and I need a place to get advice so I can give him the love and care he needs so I joined this site. He is due around xmas and all ultrasounds show nothing that can be detected, but that doesn't put my mind at ease seeing as autism can't be detected through prenatal ultrasound. I know there is too little research done to give exact statistics on the likelihood, I just want to know if it's almost certain he will be on the spectrum or if the chances are slightly increased. I'm worried sick about this. I will still love him as if he is my own no matter what the outcome is. I'm just really nervous about this and have spend days without good sleep researching everything possible so I can be prepared. I've learned so much about autism in the past week. I actually fit in with many of the symptoms so there's no wonder my parents had me tested for autism as a child.

Consensus is that the child will have an increased chance of autism with an autistic parent, and a bigger chance still if both parents are (in the latter case, significantly more likely to have autism against being 'NT')

There indeed is insufficient research, so it is impossible to give numbers, both for ASD vs NT and for aspergers versus 'lower functioning' autism.


I wish i could help you, but ultimately, there is nothing we can do in this case, the knowledge just doesn't exist (yet). The best we can do is taking away some worries about the kids future, should he/she turn out autistic.
So please, by all means, ask any questions and pose any concerns you might have: we will do our best to answer/address them, as good as we can.

Try to make sure the girl doesn't stress too much and stays healthy. Noone knows what causes autism but it seems that stress and health problems during pregnancy increase the chance for activating aspie/autie genes.

The chance is increased if you are comparing it to a child with two NT parents. However, there are aspies on this site who have NT children, so it isn't necessarily a given.

Thank you for the reassuring replies. These are stressful times for me. I have been keeping the stress away from her for obvious reasons. I hope to be able to provide the necessary care he deserves. It's not my first run in with a child. My ex girlfriend has a son who I still visit. The problems with that relationship were drug related so I pulled out real quick. Her son loves me so much that I can't just leave him behind. It's not his fault his mom was a drug addict.

As with any child, it is impossible to know what you will get, and worrying about it can only increase, not improve risks. Depending on the level of impairment, it may take years before you can realistically know if the child has diagnosable ASD or not. My son wasn't diagnosed until he was 7, although people are better tuned in now.

The most important thing to do once this child is born will be to let him show you over time who he is. Pay close attention, learn his quirks and needs, and respond accordingly. If he is an ASD child, then there will be many times you will have to parent "off-book" using instincts and knowledge of the unique child. That is really the best way to raise any child, actually, so it is a formula that can never go wrong.

Good luck and I happy to hear that you plan to love this child with all you have no matter what. That is the golden key to being a decent parent.

There is no real way to determine if the child will have autism or not...of course it is good to research the condition to be prepared for the possibility. But also just keep in mind people with autism can still be content and have fulfilling lives, so try not to be too 'worried' I mean its not a life threatening disease its just a different way of functioning which sometimes requires support and some different raising techniques than a non autistic child. I do know psychologically speaking having supportive/caring parents or family is very good for mental health for anyone autistic or not.


Also though too much worry before he is born on the part of your girlfriend could put stress on the developing baby...so certainly encourage her to stay calm and try not to stress too much and take care of herself. My cousin who recently had a baby was talking a lot about that so I figure its important.

Congratulations on your soon-to-be expanded family!

You are off to a very good start with this child, no matter what happens. Preparing to be the best parent you can be is the most important thing for any baby.

I know that it can be frightening to contemplate the possibility of a child on the spectrum, but rest assured: while we don't have very good prenatal research, there are actually LOTS of good tools once your child is born. Assessment and diagnosis is possible at a younger and younger age, and the tools to help babies and children on the autistic spectrum become their best selves improve every day.

Since you have a bit of forewarning about a possible genetic tenency, even if it is tenuous, you can be ahead of the game. First, make sure your baby goes to all his or her well-baby visits, and discuss your concerns with your pediatrician. Make sure that your baby is also screened by your school district's Early Intervention center (here's an overview of how that works. at least in the US: http://www.wrightslaw.com/info/child.find.index.htm )

One of the issues of having a child on the Aspie side of the spectrum is that they often meet their developmetal milestones early on, but as the child develops, they may take longer to meet guidelines or they may meet them in an irregular fashion (ahead on some, behind on others.) If you start seeing some irregularity in toddlerhood and beyond (even if, like my son, you wind up just squeaking by the cutoff for most milestones) ask for another screening by the school district.

If you and your GF have a gut feeling but no quantifiable evidence that there is cause for concern - even if your pediatrician or school don't agree, for instance that your child's communication is unusual, that he or she is unusually rigid about following routines, or struggles with eye contact, or is hypersensitive to touch or sound - go find an autism specialist in your area: there are some cases where you really need someone who understands the full range of the autism spectrum and is a specialist instead of a generalist.

I thought this article gave an unusually good overview along with the developmental milestones to take a look at: http://www.autism-society.org/living-wi ... -lifespan/

More than likely, none of this will be an issue - but I commend you for thinking about it ahead of time!

Thanks again for even more wonderful replies. I hope you all realise that when I use the term "concerned" I am in no way implying that I look down on people with autism, no matter what place they have on the spectrum. Like I said, my parents believed that I had a form of autism. I suffered from extreme ADHD as a child, and it still have attention problems. This has actually triggered one of them, obsession. When I get on one topic, whether it be a game, learning about something, a good novel, movie, it consumes my life until I move on to my next obsession, if I ever do. Anyway, my point is I was enrolled in special education classes due to problems in school. I've been around many people with different unique quirks and made friends with quite a few. As you can tell we are not judgmental, seeing as she was dating an aspie, so if he is I think he is lucky to have understanding parents.

I agree!

If her insurance will cover it, you might consider suggesting that your gf get evaluated for ASD. Not necessarily right now, but sometime in the future.
I say this because she has dated you - a person with some ASDish behavior - and a man with Asperger's.
I'm aspie-ish myself, and I've always been drawn to men with mildly autistic characteristics. Combine this with the fact that many girls with Asperger's "fly under the radar" due to different presentation of symptoms, and there's a real possibility that she herself is on the spectrum.

We both have been evaluated. We wanted it done because of our anti social tendencies and exceptionally high IQs. We thought we may be aspies ourselves because of our more practical view on the world. I have actually thought about how often they misdiagnose aspergers since the science behind it is still not completely understood. I tend to be able to relate better to children who are different. I am very good with troubled kids, and it has been noted that I am able to speak to them on a level that their parents can't comprehend. I have an abstract view on the world and society in general. Often I lose patients with people who are considered emotionally "normal" and average people tend to think of me as weird.