Not recognizing someone

Post Reply New Topic

I was at the bookstore standing in line and some guy touched by arm and asked how are you young lady. He was holding some magazine stuff so I thought maybe a JW was loose in the store (lol). He then says he's from some doctor's office but I completely don't recognize him. But since I also didn't recognize my neighbor shopping before I was thinking at first maybe I should know who he was. But really I didn't and then I really started to feel freaky about it. I was in line and a register opened so I was able to walk away. But I still feel weird like either I should have been more assertive in saying I didn't know who he was instead of like a deer in the headlights. And of course if it is someone I should know they must think I'm an idiot or something.

So I am walking into the library. A voice calls out "Hi Laura." I look around. He looks vaugely familiar. That is to say that he is probably someone I have encountered, or he could be a TV character. I notice his truck, no idea. I see his doggie: that is Geordie! Now I can associate the man, one of my favourite - and current clients!

All the time.

This happens with my mom and I all the time! But I also did this to a friend of mine once, whom saw me everyday. Here's what happened with that:

I had just gotten a major haircut due to this extremely uncontrollable knot back in freshman year I had. So anyway, when my friend got on the bus and saw me sitting in our usual seat, she looked really confused and was like, "Um, are you new here?" And then I was like, "Sarah, we've known each other since elementary school. It's me!" It took her about half a minute to figure out it really was me. Lucky for me that week, bullies hardly recognized me so I didn't get picked on nearly as much either!

It happens with me. It's frightening sometimes.

There was a knock at the door. I answered. A man stood there, tanned, blond, t-shirt, cut-offs. He said nothing, just smiled. I stared at him. Then he said, "Well are you gonna let me in?" I recognized the voice. It was my brother.

Welcome to prosopagnosia.

I've wondered whether it's a part of autism-Asperger's, but I've never seen it definitely identified as such.

I expect that those of us who have it at best recognise people only when they're in their usual surroundings. Othewise -- embarrassment! That includes identifying my own children -- will I recognise them when they meet me at the airport?? Sometimes.

For the most part family and other friends show recognition first; that saves me most of the time.

Thanks for the responses. I just felt so unnerved about it. These impromtu things just really confuse me and then I am so socially graceful.

i have trouble remembering the names of all the students i have in the lab sections i TA...

we have about 60 names per a term to memorize and i can't seem to do it before week 7-8 of a 10-week course.

though, i don't grade/hand back their weekly assignments... i just grade the essays..

but they do give us pics of the studens... if i didn't have that, then i'd be lost.

When I go to my doctor's practise,, I have to ask if it is the usual one or the one who does just one day a week... I just cannot distinguish between one elderly Gp and another...it's the white hair that does it, as well as the fact I dont really look at their faces much.

I have this problem.

I'll often know people by a face and a name without realizing the two belong to eachother.

I took great pleasure once in working with an older gentleman who was a television and film actor because he had "friends" who had known him for decades and he did not know who they are. Presumably because of his memory and because he knew so many people.

But he did greet them pleasantly and seemed to reciprocate whatever warmth people showed towards him. He confessed to me that he didn't know any of the people but that he didn't want to hurt them.

He didn't lie to anyone but he did smile and nod when people identified him as an old friend.

This is generally what I try to do.

I generally trust that I know someone if they claim to know me and while I won't pretend to remember anything about them, I will shake hands, smile and nod.

I'm bad at small talk as I've developed "autopilot" routines which frequently go in circles or lead to inappropriate responses.

But I don't want to hurt people who find value in being recognized or who want perceived admiration/friendship reciprocated.

I try to treat NTs as I believe they want to be treated. I'll fake laughs or smiles or facial responses that I've had to practice in the mirror for years. I don't do this to be deceptive but to be genuine.

So often, NTs seem to feel slighted, hurt or angry when small talk, recognition or affection are not reciprocated. So I try to return whatever I get in kind.

It's been awkward learning to hug and shake hands with people, often people who I do not recognize. But since my intent is not to show unkindness towards them, I find that what works for me is to imagine myself in a strange, primitive culture where I have been treated graciously by a host with unusual customs.

I would attempt to observe the bows in Japan or the hand gestures in Italy if traveling abroad... and so I attempt not to offend in NT culture by acting reciprocally. I smile at people who smile. I wink at people when I make a bad joke. I force a laugh when I find something intended to be funny.

And as a matter of respect, I try not to look as though I don't recognize people who talk to me. I will eventually ask for their name if I have to but it seems easier on them not to acknowledge that I have no memory of ever seeing them before, even when they can point to dozens of meetings we've had before.

And frequently, I blank on close friends' or regular acquaintances' names. So it isn't intended as a slight on my part when I forget people. The trick for me is trying to keep the other person from receiving the wrong message.

I usually recognize people, its just if I haven't seen them in a long time that I probably won't recognise them. Then again, this hasn't happened to me that often.

I sometimes think I recognise people when I don't. The same with places, I think I've been there before when I haven't. I don't really have a problem recognising people I know though, but I can never remember what they look like until I actually see them. I don't think that even makes sense... I'm not very good at explaining what I mean lol

On the odd occasion I see someone who I don't know, and don't know what to say because its sounds rude saying "who are you?".

This happens to me a lot. However, I can usually figure out who the person is.