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I've Given Up On Romantic Relationships

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whatamess
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02 Oct 2015, 10:40 pm

At 33, it FINALLY somewhat worked for me :-) PS marriage is not easy, especially AS with AD/HD partner, but we've figured it out as much as we can... :-)



Dillogic
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03 Oct 2015, 1:03 am

nurseangela wrote:
Oh where, oh where have all the hopeless romantics gone? Surely I can't be the lonely only one?


There's generally a few types of people nowadays:

-Forever alone (most with an ASD; most of the complaining "beta" men around)
-wants to be in relations simply for relations' sake, and they do it (romantics come here, which is about half the normal population)
-been there, done that, and have the scars to prove it (the other half of the population); waste of time

Plenty of romantics around. You just won't see them here.



rdos
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03 Oct 2015, 3:53 am

em_tsuj wrote:
This seems like the best advice to me. I'm no Romeo, but I have learned some things through my misadventures with dating. One of those things is that a good relationship is based on compatibility. The formula goes something like this:

1. I know from experience what I like, dislike, and am able to give in a relationship.
2. I communicate these things to someone who I am interested in and who is also looking for a relationship.
3. That person knows what she likes, dislikes, and can give in a relationship.
4. She communicates those things honestly to me.
5. If we are close enough to what each other is looking for the relationship has a good chance of working out.

Without compatibility no relationship can last. Of course the only way to find a compatible partner is to know yourself and honestly try to be yourself when dating. If your potential mate doesn't understand AS is very dissatisfied with the relationship because of your AS traits, she is not the one for you. Obviously some women don't mind Aspie guys or there wouldn't be so many Aspie husbands and fathers.


Sure, the above makes sense too. However, being a hopeless romantic, I don't believe in that kind of communication and arrangements. I want to meet girls in nonverbal contexts, get a crush, obsess about them, and then when we are ready for it, go straight into a relationship without knowing any of the cultural things that NTs seems so obsessed about matching with dating. But that's me, and some people like more control of things.

Anyway, we agree on knowing your own preferences and finding compatible partners. That's the most essential things in order to get into fulfilling long-term relationships.