Why do people assume autistic people don't have friends?

Post Reply New Topic

People all over the spectrum can have friends. I personally think the BIGGEST factor in a autistic person making friends is how accepting and easy going the friend is.
Growing up I had a best friend, we are still friends to this day. It's been 13 years.

The opposite drives me crazy.
Like people say to me when I'm having surgery, you must have a friend, relative, or spouse to pick you up.
I tell them I don't have any of those people, just call the social services agency and get the caseworker to pick me up if they require it. They know I have autism. And they're still completely shocked, "surely you must have someone, a friend or a partner, who could collect you?"
No. I don't.
I know lots of autistics have friends and partners, and it is not fair to assume because you're autistic you don't. But to me, it is also not fair to assume someone with severe social difficulties would automatically have friends and significant others available or in their lives at all, just because "everyone does."
It's really rubbing my nose in it, proverbially.
Even telling me I will be disadvantaged, such as having to stay overnight instead of leave, or not be able to get paperwork I need completed, because no one else in my life can confirm my story.

i do have about 4 friends, but they will never really know me to my depths.
i am not sure if i have no depth, or whether my depth is in a different world to them.

people for me are just like toys that can hold my interest and stimulate me for a while, but always i have to retire to where there is no one but me.

i can not feel anything when friends say they care about me. that may be insulting to them, but really i just don't feel anything because whether they care or not, i still go through my own solitary routines of thought patterns they could never identify with.

so what do they care about? how i feel? they don't know how i feel. even if i was to talk forever in intricate detail to describe how i feel, i would never be able to make anyone else feel it.

i think the mirror neuron deficiency goes both ways. i am not able to feel what they feel accurately (i can only cognitively presume), and as a result, they can not fell what i feel because it is not available to be sensible to their efferent neurons.

it is like a 2 way mirror window where the people on both sides can not see each other, not just one side.

i am glad there are people in the world because i guess i would feel lonely if the world was emptied of all people but me, but i just like to live nearby to them and watch them pass by

As a child the world is open , you haven-t been exposed to bigotry hatefulness violence.near as much
As we grow . It is the world veiws , and peers pressure we are inundated by that which destroys the guilless open beliefs that things are just as they appear . It is a kindness ,a blessing, a merit , to be able to hold onto those early realities . Children learn what they grow with , they say .
Not all A.S. people are naive but seem to be able to hang onto ( understand) .conceptualize these early believes as normal.
'Just an opinion '

I have a nice girlfriend and 4 really good friends that are ready to help me when I need them. I have to say it is good for me.

I'm actually guilty of thinking this. I think it's because I have mild autism (Asperger's syndrome) and I've always been rather sociable but I have been picked on, ostracized, rejected and excluded more times than I can remember, and if I'm with 2 other girls I've always been the third wheel. And I was very lonely as a teenager and never had the opportunity to go to sleepovers or hang out at the mall with a group or do all the other things normal teenagers do. The only thing I could do to socialize was to join a club for teenagers with disabilities, but I didn't fit in there either because I felt too 'neurotypical' for those sorts of people. So I've never been able to experience a group of neurotypical friends wanting my friendship and phoning me or texting me or knocking at my door or planning to go to parties or vacations or shopping trips, etc. So that is why I have always been baffled by how other people on the autism spectrum find and keep friends, especially if the friends are neurotypicals.

Sometimes assumptions are necessary, subconscious, involuntary, or natural

Myth, misinformation, misconception

Society

Some autistics don't have friends

Some autistics have friends

All things equal, it is easier for neurotypicals to have friends, than for autistics to have friends

Not all things are equal

Asking "why" asks for correlation versus causation

Sometimes, wrong assumptions are not worth the energy it takes to correct them

Sometimes , even if you have the model answer, someone is not receptive

I had no friends for most of my life as those I thought were friends were jut keeping me around for entertainment. I always was left out or was just a person they could talk at but not care about. As a result when I left primary school I then had no real friends because I was so scared of being bullied again that I acted as normal as possible. That meant "friends" were friends with a watered down version of myself.

Now, I have 5 very close friends and a few more I feel comfortable with and I realised that I personally will only make friends with people who are either not NT, or who don't fit a normal mould. They usually are more caring and likely to understand. I wonder if the fact that many NT's don't have to deal with being an outcast, they can't sympathise and be more understanding when it comes to people being different. Because those who are make up a minority, they can be hard to find and so if that's the sort of person you are more likely to get on with, it will be tough to make friends.

MY number of friends is large due to chance and the fact I went to multiple schools. In the first most people didn't even realise when I left and in the second I was just lucky to stumble into a group of amazing weirdos. Being in top set probably helped because smart people are often different. I'm still young though so who knows what the future holds. Hopefully it's good because I've stopped trying to seem as normal and so have people genuinely liking me.

If only........... but then again why ...... neurosis ,is keeping doing the same thing over and and expecting something to change ? a friend is ..........INSERT NEUROSIS OF YOUR CHOICE HERE ..........
ADDS a little sigh here . But still would be nice ?

I think NT's just make more friends than autistics.