Okay, as probably stated a billion times by me, I pretty have a non-existant dating life, mostly due to shyness, or a the very least a self-defeating bias. I find myself deterred by myself before I try to make an impact in the world or anywhere else. now that is not to say I cannot handle most social situations, I can, two years for retail experience, and three years of serving as a ambassador, guide, and friend to incoming international students of all ages helps too, now I am an Assistant Language Teacher for five local schools. I find I get along great socially, even excel in some cases despite, or even becasue of my Aspergers. however, the moment I am in situations where I have no obligation or purpose to be social, such as trying to meet people my age and talk to them, I find myself either frozen to deterred. this is partially why trying to date is hard as hell. first you need to find a date, most people, NTs tell you to just go up and ask, but you don't know this person or where they are in their life, and you talking to them may just be a bother, not to mention unless you have a reason to be there and talking to some one, you are going to feel like you are the infamous 'creepy aspie' that everyone brings up. so mostly I just keep silent and distant, and keep myself occupied in other ways. it also doesn't help that there is a huge age gap in people I appeal to. I make great friends with older people, and am very well received by them, same thing with kids and younger people. people my age however, either they can't stand me, or I can barely stand them, and most of them are far more jaded than me. (and they are NTs to boot, so f**k me then).
I just don't know how to cure a self defeating bias, where your brain defaults to the worst outcome when it comes to a romantic longing. I know people usually say. "just be confident" which doesn't exactly help, its not an on and off switch, if it were that easy I wouldn't be posting this. (And no more of the "you need to get a gym membership" crap, gyms are stupidly expensive, and I clear 2 sets of 100 push ups daily at home, so I think I good on fitness.)
is there a way to reverse the negative feelings one gets?
I don't have much positive re-enforcement to fall back upon in this field, nor in being open with ideas, but that I know came from years of being bullied in school for being one of the science nerds. either the ability to be open with ideas and expression, or the ability to be romantically open towards either strangers, or people in situations where I do not have an existing role. either one would be nice... how do others cope with this?