Page 2 of 3 [ 35 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3  Next

Jacoby
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 10 Dec 2007
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Posts: 14,367
Location: Permanently banned by power tripping mods lol this forum is trash

14 Oct 2015, 6:53 pm

no girls like NBA 2k14!! ! :x :evil: :P



Beau
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Dec 2005
Gender: Female
Posts: 857
Location: ocean

14 Oct 2015, 8:27 pm

SwissPagan wrote:
...if a girl has 10-20 guys pursuing her, why would the shy aspie be the swing vote?


Perhaps there's something about him, something that sets him apart from the rest of the crowd, and that appeals to her.



Rudin
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jun 2015
Age: 16
Posts: 1,046
Location: Southern Ontario

14 Oct 2015, 8:37 pm

darkphantomx1 wrote:
Drugs are a good solution but the risks are there. For one thing, lets just say you rely on smoking weed to enhance mood. You could become depended on it and it could become expensive if money is an issue for you. Same with drinking a couple of beers.


Maybe drink a glass or two of beer before you go into social situations. You don't want to get drunk but a drink will make you feel good.


I strongly advise the use of drugs for social lubrication. It's not just about fitting in, you should be concerned about what it will do to you. Long-term users of cannabis become unmotivated, brain damaged and "burnt out".

I'd also advice against the use of psychedelics to improve sociability.


_________________
"God may not play dice with the universe, but something strange is going on with prime numbers."

-Paul Erdos

"There are two types of cryptography in this world: cryptography that will stop your kid sister from looking at your files, and cryptography that will stop major governments from reading your files."

-Bruce Schneider


Rudin
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jun 2015
Age: 16
Posts: 1,046
Location: Southern Ontario

14 Oct 2015, 8:39 pm

darkphantomx1 wrote:
Just take gradual baby steps.

Signup for a dating site such as Tinder, okcupid, etc... Then when you're ready, just message a girl and say hello how are you? If you keep messaging a few girls, you will comfortable doing it. Once you're comfortable doing that, then find a girl who seems interested and ask her out.

A thing about dating sites is if you like a girl and don't ask her out, some other guy will. Let this be your motivation.

Going on a date is very scary if you've never done it before but the more you do it, the easier it will become. Even if the first couple of dates go horribly with women, you're still gaining experience.


If you start to realize that dating just isn't for you now, then you can quit. But only quit once you've at least went on a couple of dates.


I recall you had limited success with dating sites. Tinder in particular.


_________________
"God may not play dice with the universe, but something strange is going on with prime numbers."

-Paul Erdos

"There are two types of cryptography in this world: cryptography that will stop your kid sister from looking at your files, and cryptography that will stop major governments from reading your files."

-Bruce Schneider


yellowtamarin
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Sep 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,860
Location: Australia

14 Oct 2015, 10:07 pm

SwissPagan wrote:
rdos wrote:
I don't think shyness needs a fix. I'm pretty comfortable with being shy. :wink:


but it means I am always going to be at a disadvantage over others... again,as mentioned a billion time on other threads. if a girl has 10-20 guys pursuing her, why would the shy aspie be the swing vote?

That's what some women look for / are attracted to.



rdos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jul 2005
Age: 57
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,482
Location: Sweden

15 Oct 2015, 1:58 am

SwissPagan wrote:
rdos wrote:
I don't think shyness needs a fix. I'm pretty comfortable with being shy. :wink:


but it means I am always going to be at a disadvantage over others... again,as mentioned a billion time on other threads. if a girl has 10-20 guys pursuing her, why would the shy aspie be the swing vote?


If a girl shows interest in 10-20 other guys besides me, then I won't show any interest in her. Not being exclusive in the courtship phase is a major deal breaker.

As for why a girl might want to chose a shy guy instead of an outgoing, I think there could be many reasons for that. One could be that they are compatible because shyness is a neurodiverse trait.



SwissPagan
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jan 2015
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 316

15 Oct 2015, 3:13 am

darkphantomx1 wrote:
I'm going to teach you a super secret method.

Do you have any favorite video games that are popular?

If so, go on dating sites and message every single girl you find decently attractive and ask them a question related to your video game.

For instance, if you like Leauge of Legends, ask her what her favorite leauge character is. Or if you like pokemon, ask her what her favorite pokemon is.

If she responds back, then congratz you've got yourself a gamer girl. And I bet you 50 bucks no one else is talking to her about video games.

Sure most women won't reply back but you might be surprised how many women love to game.


I really wish game were my personal forte ^^;



SwissPagan
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jan 2015
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 316

15 Oct 2015, 3:14 am

Rudin wrote:
darkphantomx1 wrote:
Drugs are a good solution but the risks are there. For one thing, lets just say you rely on smoking weed to enhance mood. You could become depended on it and it could become expensive if money is an issue for you. Same with drinking a couple of beers.


Maybe drink a glass or two of beer before you go into social situations. You don't want to get drunk but a drink will make you feel good.


I strongly advise the use of drugs for social lubrication. It's not just about fitting in, you should be concerned about what it will do to you. Long-term users of cannabis become unmotivated, brain damaged and "burnt out".

I'd also advice against the use of psychedelics to improve sociability.



considering I am in japan were drugs laws are super harsh and I am working for a company that requires drugs tests, and I work with schools, drugs are probably not a good idea...



SwissPagan
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jan 2015
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 316

15 Oct 2015, 3:20 am

rdos wrote:
SwissPagan wrote:
rdos wrote:
I don't think shyness needs a fix. I'm pretty comfortable with being shy. :wink:


but it means I am always going to be at a disadvantage over others... again,as mentioned a billion time on other threads. if a girl has 10-20 guys pursuing her, why would the shy aspie be the swing vote?


If a girl shows interest in 10-20 other guys besides me, then I won't show any interest in her. Not being exclusive in the courtship phase is a major deal breaker.

As for why a girl might want to chose a shy guy instead of an outgoing, I think there could be many reasons for that. One could be that they are compatible because shyness is a neurodiverse trait.


well that's the hook, in informal and even informal situations I can be very outgoing, its just the matter of intimate situations, or situations where you have to initiate something. is not hard to roll a boulder that is already moving. I don't know...

as far as drinking, if I get get buzzed I tend to become a loud over the top as*hole that tells outrageous stories in funny voices. again, great with friends, not so much some one you just met.



SwissPagan
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jan 2015
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 316

15 Oct 2015, 3:21 am

yellowtamarin wrote:
SwissPagan wrote:
rdos wrote:
I don't think shyness needs a fix. I'm pretty comfortable with being shy. :wink:


but it means I am always going to be at a disadvantage over others... again,as mentioned a billion time on other threads. if a girl has 10-20 guys pursuing her, why would the shy aspie be the swing vote?

That's what some women look for / are attracted to.


yeah, but what percentage of females look for that? I don't think that is high on the bell curve.



rdos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jul 2005
Age: 57
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,482
Location: Sweden

15 Oct 2015, 3:42 am

SwissPagan wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
SwissPagan wrote:
rdos wrote:
I don't think shyness needs a fix. I'm pretty comfortable with being shy. :wink:


but it means I am always going to be at a disadvantage over others... again,as mentioned a billion time on other threads. if a girl has 10-20 guys pursuing her, why would the shy aspie be the swing vote?

That's what some women look for / are attracted to.


yeah, but what percentage of females look for that? I don't think that is high on the bell curve.


Yeah, but you don't need 98765432 women that are interested. A few would be enough. Relationships are not a quantity-game, it's all about quality and compatibility.



rdos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jul 2005
Age: 57
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,482
Location: Sweden

15 Oct 2015, 3:46 am

SwissPagan wrote:
well that's the hook, in informal and even informal situations I can be very outgoing, its just the matter of intimate situations, or situations where you have to initiate something. is not hard to roll a boulder that is already moving. I don't know...


I know what you mean. Same here. It is very different to approach somebody as a friend or superficial acquaintance than as a possible romantic partner. It's only in the latter case that I'm unable to approach.

SwissPagan wrote:
as far as drinking, if I get get buzzed I tend to become a loud over the top as*hole that tells outrageous stories in funny voices. again, great with friends, not so much some one you just met.


I just fall asleep when I drink, so doesn't work for me.



SwissPagan
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jan 2015
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 316

15 Oct 2015, 3:51 am

rdos wrote:
SwissPagan wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
SwissPagan wrote:
rdos wrote:
I don't think shyness needs a fix. I'm pretty comfortable with being shy. :wink:


but it means I am always going to be at a disadvantage over others... again,as mentioned a billion time on other threads. if a girl has 10-20 guys pursuing her, why would the shy aspie be the swing vote?

That's what some women look for / are attracted to.


yeah, but what percentage of females look for that? I don't think that is high on the bell curve.


Yeah, but you don't need 98765432 women that are interested. A few would be enough. Relationships are not a quantity-game, it's all about quality and compatibility.


yes, but the 98765432 are A. not in the same location, and B. there is no way to detect someone's affinity for shy males from a distance, and C. the percentage of the 98765432 that want shy males, are !. probably high and 2, spread very thinly across the entire planet, AND you have to factor in whether or not they are already in a relationship.

again, I am not saying that numbers determines compatibility, but rather the likelihood of finding compatibility. I have been in work environments where I was attracted to fellow employee and was building up the nerve to make a move, but like always, for every woman, they are 10 guys going for her, and the vulgar and sexual aggressive dudes in the kitchen made the first move in a very lewdly phrased way. And yeah...she didn't want anything to do with the kitchen guys after that. so another variable that needs to be factored, are you going to lumped in with the scumbags if you try anything?



InsomniaGrl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Aug 2015
Posts: 856
Location: UK

15 Oct 2015, 4:13 am

Prescription anti anxiety drugs life sertraline or mirtazipne can help with shyness, though shyness i don't think is in itself a problem and as was said can definitely be appealing. Anxiety caused by shyness i think is something else though, and its inhibiting and crippling. I think its good to separate the two, as shyness, like a super animated personality type, really can be appreciated. If someone says to a shy person, you are too shy they withdraw, or try to be more expressive or loud, and neither of these things works as its not natural. People will always tell shy people to stop being shy, but they don't realise the damage it does, and usually unless the person is a complete ass hat, they don't mean it as quite the criticism the shy person can take their comment to be. I think its super exaggerated in a shy persons brain, that they are being very unattractive somehow. Loudness and brashness is celebrated in modern western culture, which can be hard for a shy person, and its common to take mention of shyness as the deepest of insult, that causes massive, and overwhelming anxiety.
I don't think there is a cure for shyness, in similar way to there not being a cure for ASD. There should equally be an equivalent to wrongplanet that exists just for shy people i think. Sometimes i think it must be harder for guys sometimes as society seems to place importance on a guy being all obviously demonstrating the impact of his personality, but it can definitely affect women too!
I wish i knew a simple painless way to remove anxiety, but anxiety tells us when we are stressed about something, even though sometimes we do not need to be stressed. Anxiety can be triggered and become escalated, and even result in panic attacks, when there is actually no real danger, but even in the scary loop of a panic attack, (which can be easily cured when you know what's going on) anxiety is there saying something is wrong, be afraid of it! Anxiety about shyness occurs when we think shyness is wrong, when we overreact to comments about shyness, or believe we have to 'fix it' for other people.
If only we had the social validation the more extroverted people have when others tell them they are being too much, and being 'too much' is not idolised because society does not dictates that we 'should' hold extroversion in the highest regard. Sadly that is the way especially the west is geared towards personality types. It takes a brave person with the understanding of what's happening socially to be able to say f**k it, i wont let small comments about shyness rock how i am. Someone who doesn't become terribly anxious at the prospect of any mention of being to shy, and who doesn't react to any comments by trying to compensate for shyness, who just continues being how they. I think this may be the way to reducing anxiety, the thing which really does cripple social interaction, and masquerades as being shyness.


_________________
Nothing lasts but nothing is lost


rdos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jul 2005
Age: 57
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,482
Location: Sweden

15 Oct 2015, 4:47 am

SwissPagan wrote:
yes, but the 98765432 are A. not in the same location, and B. there is no way to detect someone's affinity for shy males from a distance,


There is no way to do it online, or without being physically at the same place, but it is possible to do IRL.

SwissPagan wrote:
and C. the percentage of the 98765432 that want shy males, are !. probably high and 2, spread very thinly across the entire planet, AND you have to factor in whether or not they are already in a relationship.


The percentage might be 10%, but that is still plenty enough unless you don't go out much. From my school days, I think there was one almost in each class. The trick is to be able to detect them. They won't exactly go up and tell you they like shy guys. Many of them are shy themselves.

SwissPagan wrote:
again, I am not saying that numbers determines compatibility, but rather the likelihood of finding compatibility. I have been in work environments where I was attracted to fellow employee and was building up the nerve to make a move, but like always, for every woman, they are 10 guys going for her, and the vulgar and sexual aggressive dudes in the kitchen made the first move in a very lewdly phrased way.


Then you are attracted to the wrong girls. Girls that falls for such superficial things quite likely are not into shy guys. They are the one's looking for outgoing guys that can charm them with their verbal abilities.