I think I may have the worst case of Emetophobia ever

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I am absolutely terrified of virus-related vomit or diarrhea. It grosses me out and immediately makes me think that I'm going to catch it if I hear or see someone being sick or if I go anywhere near vomit. The only time I'm not so worried about it is when I know for definite that the vomit is hangover-related, although I don't ever get drunk because I don't want to vomit myself.

I haven't physically vomited since I was 10, and even that was only a tiny bit one morning when I had the flu. When I was small I did get vomiting bugs, but as I got to about 8-9, when I grew immune to them, I developed a fear of getting another vomiting bug. Years passed and I haven't vomited since, although I have had episodes of feeling really sick but not actually vomiting.

But the thing is, when winter comes, nearly everything people say I think that it's to do with someone vomiting, even when it's not. That's how bad my Emetophobia is. It's difficult too because I work as a cleaner at a care home, where usually patients get sick every Christmas. And that's when I freak out at work. Why am I working as a cleaner at a care home, you ask? I wish I knew. I'm looking for another job, one where you at least don't have to come into contact with sick people, but I can't find one. Christmas is creeping up now, and I was hoping I wouldn't be working there this year, but if I am, I have no choice. I can't leave until I have another reliable job.

I know they say wear a mask, wash your hands and wear gloves, but it still doesn't make me feel shielded from the virus. The heating stays on it's hottest, the windows are shut, you're trapped in the same building for 6 hours a day, and there are patients coming down with this vomiting bug all around you, and you have to clear it up. It's like working somewhere where all ceilings, doors and walls are all covered in wet paint and the challenge is not to get any paint on you at all. It could be avoided if you're really, really careful, but it's very hard.

I hate vomitting and refuse to let myself vomit. Haven't puked in like 5 years, the last time was from opioid withdrawal. I fear it more from side effects of meds than contracting it from viruses. I have Ondansetron stockpiled that I take to treat the nausea, something usually used to help chemo patients deal with nausea.

Here I am at 5am unable to sleep at all tonight because I am so nauseous from this albendazole I have to take and I won't let myself vomit so I can go back to sleep. It must suck to have to clean up other's vomit. I am sorry that you are stuck in that job right now, I feel for ya.