I don't like people chatting amongst themselves. Why?

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starfox
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21 Oct 2015, 4:58 pm

Thing is I can socialise well if it's on my terms. I don't like when people are chatting amongst themselves.. I don't know why but it makes me angry. Even if they are doing nothing wrong and are just talking about something interesting or making jokes.

I could join in if I really wanted to but I don't want to that much. I don't like when people try to talk to me and hang out with me when I'm not expecting it. I wouldn't know what the heck to do, unless I've decided to hang out with them myself. I suppose nobody would know if I want someone to talk to me or not though.

I would have thought that I'd know why it makes me angry to be around people sometimes but I don't. I know everyone is only trying to be friendly


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SpaceAgeBushRanger
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21 Oct 2015, 10:38 pm

I find it offensive when people are talking about boring things very loudly, in a place where I cannot avoid hearing their words.

I don't think this is a reasonable way to feel, given that I find most things people like to talk about trivial.


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The_REAL_Humanfillet
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21 Oct 2015, 11:33 pm

I feel envious when people laugh.It reminds me that I fail to fit-in and enjoy socializing .I feel that I am in the scum class in the social hierarchy.



slw1990
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22 Oct 2015, 12:21 am

I'm kind of like that too sometimes, but it depends on how they are talking to each other. It makes me uneasy when I here people whisper because I get this hostile vibe from them. It kind of irritates me too. It also sometimes makes me nervous when people around me talk and laugh really loud. I think part of it's from sensory issues because loud noises make me uncomfortable. It also feels like maybe they are being loud deliberately to be obnoxious or something so I feel like I get some hostile vibes from that too. It's the worst when I'm thinking about something and then I lose concentration. It doesn't usually bother me much when people talk at a normal volume though.



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23 Oct 2015, 12:09 am

I had an encounter slightly similar to this recently - I was with a group of five people at a pub and two of them kept talking to each other and not including the others in the group, or actually going outside to talk privately and then coming back in, talking to each other again without including the group, then going outside to talk privately again. When I asked what they were up to they both refused to say. I just found this rude. Maybe it was because I saw this as them being exclusionary towards others and having their own secret little thing going on in a public setting. It wouldn't have killed them to just agree to talk in private later when they weren't with a group, saving private conversations for private spaces, and instead engage with the group and include everyone.


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Kiriae
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23 Oct 2015, 4:26 am

I don't really mind as long as there is one talk at a time. I can join or simply listen or do whatever then.

But I can't stand a bunch of people talking at once.

For example during school breaks: 2 people in front of me talk about one thing. 3 people two steps away have their own talk, some girls sitting by wall yell at each other and there are even more small groups talks in the other end of hall and some more on upper and lower floor. Sometimes I can't stand it anymore and go to restroom on last floor because it is the only silent place but even there I can hear people from the talks in 3rd floor hall and some people can still enter the restroom and chat there...



probly.an.aspie
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23 Oct 2015, 6:19 am

I am bothered by conversations that don't include all present at the gathering--such as whispering between 2 ppl, etc. I think it is a reaction to having been left out of so many things, or to enter a room and suddenly hear the conversation die. (But of course, no one was talking about me or about anything i couldn't hear.... ????) I think i am not always reasonable in the way i feel about this though--i have very strong feelings about it that are probably disproportionate to the situation. I do teach my kids that you can't whisper in a group, and how to include all in a conversation. Aspie or not, it is not polite to talk in whispers i don't think. If you can't say it in the group you are in, then you should wait til a better time, IMO.

I also have difficulty in a group of women because usually there are one or two who laugh loudly. Reminds me of chickens when they lay an egg. I know this is a very unflattering comparison but it is what pops into my head every time. I usually avoid my MIL and SILs as a group at family gatherings due to this. A very loud SIL that means well but her voice and laugh are like fingernails on a chalkboard in my ear, when she is in a group. Groups of guys don't bother me because the pitch of their voices is lower. Even if they laugh it does not grate on me.



Penandinkmarie
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23 Oct 2015, 6:34 am

I cannot stand when groups laugh loudly....at like restaurants or at my job or anywhere i am really. The noise annoys me plus I always think they're laughing at me for some reason.....paranoia maybe but more like a childhood full of bullying.....past baggage.



b9
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23 Oct 2015, 6:47 am

until i was about 10 years old, i equated the importance of the sounds of people chattering among themselves with the sounds of birds twittering in the trees or dogs barking in their progressive social relays down the street at night.

after i turned 11, i remained the same and have never changed since.

although it would be interesting to know what the birds and dogs are saying, i am sure i can live to see another day whether i know or not.



DailyPoutine1
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23 Oct 2015, 6:56 am

SpaceAgeBushRanger wrote:
I find it offensive when people are talking about boring things very loudly, in a place where I cannot avoid hearing their words.

Couldn't agree more.



slw1990
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24 Oct 2015, 12:51 am

Penandinkmarie wrote:
I cannot stand when groups laugh loudly....at like restaurants or at my job or anywhere i am really. The noise annoys me plus I always think they're laughing at me for some reason.....paranoia maybe but more like a childhood full of bullying.....past baggage.


I'm kind of like that too. Most of the people who have bullied and ostracized me would laugh loudly all the time so it makes me uneasy when I hear laughter that sounds similar to theirs. I feel kind of bad to think that way though since some of the people that do it probably don't have any bad intentions behind it or anything.