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mr_bigmouth_502
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22 Oct 2015, 7:49 am

It seems like every time I make an insightful post or ask a question on an online forum thread (including WP), no one responds, and the thread is left to die for a prolonged period of time. Why is this? Be honest.

Similarly, sometimes my posts get completely trampled over and I have to reiterate points I've made after people reply to me without fully reading my posts. I try not to write utter textwalls, although admittedly I have done it before.



Edna3362
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22 Oct 2015, 8:05 am

So am'I.

Yet I do not mind, it's not just in WP, but at *all* forums I've been into. Chats too, usually left no replies and still.
If anything, I sort of expected it.


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starfox
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22 Oct 2015, 8:09 am

I think it's nothing personal, just that there are so many forum posts each day and some get missed. Also people may not know how to reply although they are interested in the topic.


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mr_bigmouth_502
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22 Oct 2015, 8:10 am

Edna3362 wrote:
So am'I.

Yet I do not mind, it's not just in WP, but at *all* forums I've been into. Chats too, usually left no replies and still.
If anything, I sort of expected it.


Having talked briefly with another aspie, a friend of mine, about it, I decided to ask about it here because I figure it must have something to do with how aspies communicate.

starfox wrote:
I think it's nothing personal, just that there are so many forum posts each day and some get missed. Also people may not know how to reply although they are interested in the topic.


I often figure this as well, though how am I supposed to know if people are interested in my posts if I don't see replies? It's strange, offline I want people to leave me alone, but online, I often want people to give me attention.



Edna3362
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22 Oct 2015, 8:23 am

mr_bigmouth_502 wrote:
Edna3362 wrote:
So am'I.

Yet I do not mind, it's not just in WP, but at *all* forums I've been into. Chats too, usually left no replies and still.
If anything, I sort of expected it.


Having talked briefly with another aspie, a friend of mine, about it, I decided to ask about it here because I figure it must have something to do with how aspies communicate.


I haven't figured what makes things awkward yet... Or maybe I DO reply too late. I couldn't know of it just yet.
Or perhaps it does, when aspies don't know when a topic ends which I'm aware of.

starfox wrote:
I think it's nothing personal, just that there are so many forum posts each day and some get missed. Also people may not know how to reply although they are interested in the topic.


I could agree with this. I don't have much of an experience of the world. I didn't have enough opinions on which things are strongly disagree with. AND my culture is different than most users around here. :twisted:


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GiantHockeyFan
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22 Oct 2015, 8:25 am

You want the honest answer? Are you sure? I know this is not going to make me popular but here goes.....

Basically, because you flat out said you don't want to hear anyone's advice and were recently rather rude and condescending to SocofAutism, one of the best and most helpful posters here IMO. I've also found that you don't really have much I can comment on directly anyway as I don't do drugs or alcohol and rarely play video games anymore.

I also gotta be honest and say you come across as a whiner who sounds like an "emo" teenager with a victim mentality. For example, you get more in disability than many people get working full time where I live and instead of thanking your lucky stars acted like it was unfair you received so little. You know how much my mom gets with a severe disability? $0.00/month and she is in FAR worse shape than you. I know enough people like this in real life including my ex GF. She whined constantly about being poor, a**hole bosses and landlords, not having a job and how worried she was about failing school. She never once did anything about it or take any of my advice or hard work (such as setting up tutoring, offering groups to help with public speaking, setting up a counselor at great personal expense. Of course, she NEVER took responsibility for herself and it was ALWAYS someone else's fault. No doubt she is still telling everyone about what a "jerk" I was and how "abusive" I was to her but I digress.

Maybe I am wrong about you, but I really don't want to communicate with something with that attitude again.
I know how depression feels and how misunderstood it can be but I still have to resist getting angry when I read some of your rantings. Sure life dealt us a s&$tty hand but I still have to fight through it and drive into work every morning.



mr_bigmouth_502
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22 Oct 2015, 9:03 am

GiantHockeyFan wrote:
You want the honest answer? Are you sure? I know this is not going to make me popular but here goes.....

Basically, because you flat out said you don't want to hear anyone's advice and were recently rather rude and condescending to SocofAutism, one of the best and most helpful posters here IMO. I've also found that you don't really have much I can comment on directly anyway as I don't do drugs or alcohol and rarely play video games anymore.

I also gotta be honest and say you come across as a whiner who sounds like an "emo" teenager with a victim mentality. For example, you get more in disability than many people get working full time where I live and instead of thanking your lucky stars acted like it was unfair you received so little. You know how much my mom gets with a severe disability? $0.00/month and she is in FAR worse shape than you. I know enough people like this in real life including my ex GF. She whined constantly about being poor, a**hole bosses and landlords, not having a job and how worried she was about failing school. She never once did anything about it or take any of my advice or hard work (such as setting up tutoring, offering groups to help with public speaking, setting up a counselor at great personal expense. Of course, she NEVER took responsibility for herself and it was ALWAYS someone else's fault. No doubt she is still telling everyone about what a "jerk" I was and how "abusive" I was to her but I digress.

Maybe I am wrong about you, but I really don't want to communicate with something with that attitude again.
I know how depression feels and how misunderstood it can be but I still have to resist getting angry when I read some of your rantings. Sure life dealt us a s&$tty hand but I still have to fight through it and drive into work every morning.


I take it you don't like me then. Understandable, a lot of people don't. Now, about SocofAutism, I pointed out in my original post that I wasn't looking for advice, though I probably should have elaborated and said that I was just venting. My venting is a hard thing to explain to people, and I wouldn't be surprised if I replied in a rude manner. I try not to, but it happens.

Also, I am aware that I receive a somewhat stupid amount of money on disability, at least compared to some people in the US, but compared to what people make working full time here, it's not very much. But yes, I will admit that I am a poor spender, and that I could learn how to manage my budget better and spend it on things I actually need.

I will also admit that I am quite immature and that I have a bad attitude, as well as a chip on my shoulder, and that many of the things I complain about could be considered #firstworldproblems. Why else would I be here? Isn't WP supposed to be a place for weirdos and misfits?

Another thing, just because you know how it feels for YOU to be depressed, doesn't mean you know how it feels for other people to be depressed. It's a thing that manifests itself differently in different people, and it can change over time. For myself, lately I've noticed I've been quick to anger, and that I have been having a lot less patience for other people than usual. Thankfully, it's been getting better since I've started taking my medication on a regular basis again, speaking of which, I just remembered I have to take it.

Btw, where does your mother live where she receives nothing for her disability? Wherever that place may be, it seems they have a callous, barbaric system that simply doesn't give a s**t. I send her my condolences, and I hope things work out better for her in the future.



GiantHockeyFan
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22 Oct 2015, 9:22 am

It's not that I dislike you per se, but I don't like what I see from your internet persona. You are probably a decent guy and we may or may not get along in real life, but that's not what we are talking about.

I obviously can't get in your head, but I have to respectfully disagree about not understanding how you feel, at least compared to 99% of the population. I actually went to seek help because of my fiery temper and the counselor told me that I have rather severe depression. I objected for a long time because I am not "sad" but later came to accept this and later found it in runs on both sides of the family. I've also been in situations in my life (the first at 20, the second at 31) where I was literally too depressed to consider killing myself. I would not wish that on ANYONE and I can't imagine it getting much worse than that. Still, I soldiered on and went to work, knowing that sitting at home would only makes things worse.

I would rather not say where I live in Canada but the reason she gets nothing is because when she was injured in a car accident, she was not working. If she had to have been, she would have gotten compensation for it but instead we got a joke of a settlement that even welfare recipients get more in one year. As well, married people aren't entitled to disability of any kind in most of the country: another way society s***s on Mothers but I digress again. Thanks for the kind words: unfortunately she will never get better as she also has an extremely rare genetic disease that can't be treated.

I certainly hate the people who say "snap out of it" or "just think happy thoughts" or the worst of all "it's all in your attitude" without offering any positive, workable solutions. If you were to ask for ways to get off disability, how to learn to drive (my brother was 26 before he finally got his license) or how to make friends I would probably be very interested in replying to your posts.

I'm not trying to run you down or say you have no right to be depressed but you really need to take a long look in the mirror and take positive steps in the right direction. If you want people to respond for example you need to actually ask questions or contribute in a way that I or someone else can build upon. You honestly remind me a lot of RetroGamer87: very frustrating at times but I still see a ton of potential in. Hopefully you can live up to that potential and get rid of that chip.



mr_bigmouth_502
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22 Oct 2015, 9:37 am

GiantHockeyFan wrote:
It's not that I dislike you per se, but I don't like what I see from your internet persona. You are probably a decent guy and we may or may not get along in real life, but that's not what we are talking about.

I obviously can't get in your head, but I have to respectfully disagree about not understanding how you feel, at least compared to 99% of the population. I actually went to seek help because of my fiery temper and the counselor told me that I have rather severe depression. I objected for a long time because I am not "sad" but later came to accept this and later found it in runs on both sides of the family. I've also been in situations in my life (the first at 20, the second at 31) where I was literally too depressed to consider killing myself. I would not wish that on ANYONE and I can't imagine it getting much worse than that. Still, I soldiered on and went to work, knowing that sitting at home would only makes things worse.

I would rather not say where I live in Canada but the reason she gets nothing is because when she was injured in a car accident, she was not working. If she had to have been, she would have gotten compensation for it but instead we got a joke of a settlement that even welfare recipients get more in one year. As well, married people aren't entitled to disability of any kind in most of the country: another way society s***s on Mothers but I digress again. Thanks for the kind words: unfortunately she will never get better as she also has an extremely rare genetic disease that can't be treated.

I certainly hate the people who say "snap out of it" or "just think happy thoughts" or the worst of all "it's all in your attitude" without offering any positive, workable solutions. If you were to ask for ways to get off disability, how to learn to drive (my brother was 26 before he finally got his license) or how to make friends I would probably be very interested in replying to your posts.

I'm not trying to run you down or say you have no right to be depressed but you really need to take a long look in the mirror and take positive steps in the right direction. If you want people to respond for example you need to actually ask questions or contribute in a way that I or someone else can build upon. You honestly remind me a lot of RetroGamer87: very frustrating at times but I still see a ton of potential in. Hopefully you can live up to that potential and get rid of that chip.


I can see more where you're coming from now, and like I mentioned before, it is an incredibly shitty situation your mother is stuck in, and even though I didn't vote for him, I hope that Justin Trudeau will be able to improve things.

Now as far as throwing people a bone, and asking questions that are easier for people to build on, well, I'm really not sure how to do that. That's actually kind of why I created this thread in the first place.

With self-improvement, I know that I could be doing a lot better with my life, but it seems I'm always stuck in the same sort of rut. I'm not sure how to explain it to other people, but it seems I've gotten so used to being in this rut that I've become kind of content with it. Failure scares me, but so does success, and I have been told before that I tend to sabotage my own plans. At this time, I have no interest in learning to drive or making IRL friends, and I'm still unsure about going off disability, but if I do plan on pursuing these things, I'll ask you.



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22 Oct 2015, 9:59 am

I can relate to the whole "afraid of success" thing. You are preaching to the choir.

Quote:
At this time, I have no interest in learning to drive or making IRL friends, and I'm still unsure about going off disability, but if I do plan on pursuing these things, I'll ask you.

Well, and I mean this as respectfully as possible, deep down you aren't interested in success and you will remain exactly as you are for the foreseeable future. I wish you the best of luck and hope you eventually come to understand you hold the keys to your own prison cell.



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22 Oct 2015, 10:07 am

Here are the types of posts that I don't respond to ordered by how frequently I encounter them (from most to least).

1) Posts that are just not interesting to me.

2) Posts that I strongly disagree with, but don't have the energy or ability to fully articulate how.

3) Posts that I strongly agree with and are so well written that I just don't feel like I have anything more to contribute to the conversation.



mr_bigmouth_502
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22 Oct 2015, 10:09 am

GiantHockeyFan wrote:
I can relate to the whole "afraid of success" thing. You are preaching to the choir.

Quote:
At this time, I have no interest in learning to drive or making IRL friends, and I'm still unsure about going off disability, but if I do plan on pursuing these things, I'll ask you.

Well, and I mean this as respectfully as possible, deep down you aren't interested in success and you will remain exactly as you are for the foreseeable future. I wish you the best of luck and hope you eventually come to understand you hold the keys to your own prison cell.


Thanks. I'm not really sure what will make me turn around and become interested in success to be honest. It seems success is a concept preached by society, and I don't agree with society and its obligations. Doesn't mean I'm not influenced by it, but I dunno, you're right, deep down success doesn't really interest me.

gamerdad wrote:
Here are the types of posts that I don't respond to ordered by how frequently I encounter them (from most to least).

1) Posts that are just not interesting to me.

2) Posts that I strongly disagree with, but don't have the energy or ability to fully articulate how.

3) Posts that I strongly agree with and are so well written that I just don't feel like I have anything more to contribute to the conversation.


That gives me some insight. But it makes sense that on a forum of aspies, everyone has some intense interest that very few others are into.



Last edited by mr_bigmouth_502 on 22 Oct 2015, 10:12 am, edited 1 time in total.

BeaArthur
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22 Oct 2015, 10:10 am

GiantHockeyFan wrote:
Well, and I mean this as respectfully as possible, deep down you aren't interested in success and you will remain exactly as you are for the foreseeable future. I wish you the best of luck and hope you eventually come to understand you hold the keys to your own prison cell.


No Rack can torture me—
My Soul—at Liberty—
Behind this mortal Bone
There knits a bolder One—

You cannot prick with saw—
Nor pierce with Scimitar—
Two Bodies—therefore be—
Bind One—The Other fly—

The Eagle of his Nest
No easier divest—
And gain the Sky
Than mayest Thou—

Except Thyself may be
Thine Enemy—
Captivity is Consciousness—
So's Liberty.

Emily Dickinson


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Adamantium
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22 Oct 2015, 10:15 am

Since this is not really a General Autism Discussion topic, and the OP is interested in discussing the social aspect of posting, moved to Social Skills and Making Friends.



Last edited by Adamantium on 22 Oct 2015, 10:29 am, edited 1 time in total.: Moving topic at OP's request

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22 Oct 2015, 11:30 am

GiantHockeyFan wrote:
You want the honest answer? Are you sure? I know this is not going to make me popular but here goes.....

Basically, because you flat out said you don't want to hear anyone's advice and were recently rather rude and condescending to SocofAutism, one of the best and most helpful posters here IMO. I've also found that you don't really have much I can comment on directly anyway as I don't do drugs or alcohol and rarely play video games anymore.


Was he rude? I don't know which post you're talking about so I guess I didn't notice or follow up. Thank you for the compliment though. I needed that today! I spent this morning being kicked by my toddler as I tried to change his diaper, then I realized that getting tattooed sleeves when I was a young person was a big mistake because I had no idea if I had "splatter" on my arms or not. So then I had to scrub both of my arms like I was about to do surgery.

OP, you're a little spicy with your posts, but some people are like that. It could be that people are afraid of offending you or don't know what to say. I'm not easily offended so I reply if you're saying something that interests me.