If your HFA 13 y/o got invited to this party…

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Admittedly, this is a bit of a weird question. We are having a party tomorrow for Halloween and we invited everyone in my younger son's class (a grand total of 4 invitees). 3 of the kids are like my son, which is quite developmentally delayed. One of them, though his high functioning. I invited him as a polite measure, but was expecting him not to come because I thought he wouldn't want to due to the developmental gap (I don't know why he's in that class). For the record, it's not that I don't want him to come, but just that I assumed he wouldn't. But he is coming. So now I'm wondering if I need to do anything differently for him? Everything else I've got planned could be done by a 2 year old… I'm sure it will be very "babyish" for him. Maybe his mother isn't aware of who the other kids are?? I've never met her (but I volunteered in the class, so I know the kid). Anyway I'm a bit worried about how he will feel at the party. I don't want him to feel super bored or lonely.

For your info, it's going to mostly unstructured (i.e. kids wander around ignoring each other and stimming) and then we will play a few games, mood-permitting: hot potato, musical statues, duck duck goose, parachute games. And the kids will be able to decorate a cupcake. That's it. I have 2.5 hours scheduled, however all the other mothers are staying (except for this kid's :/ ) so it just depends on how things go.

So I am wondering, if your HFA 13 year old got invited to a party like this, do you think they would be happy there? What could the host do to improve the chances of their happiness? I know it depends on the kid, but maybe you can give me a general idea… I'm hoping you guys can help me feel less worried about this (which I am feeling especially because his mum isn't even going to be there!! ).

Thanks

I don't think it's a foregone conclusion that a 13yo HFA kid wouldn't like wandering around ignoring other kids and stimming! If he is in class with all these kids, I would guess he and his parents know what to expect, plus he may not get invited/feel safe at parties. I think, also, that the games you've described are fun for lots of kids - those get played in summer camp by kids that age sometimes.

There is, of course, no guarantee that any of this is true, so I would try to figure out a simple plan B - for instance, can he have access to an electronic device? Did you notice any of his preferences when you were volunteering - reading, coloring, etc? I don't think you need to come up with an entire separate party, but having one or two tricks up your sleeve can't hurt.

I also don't think the happiness of children is your responsibility - you provide some tools and structure, the kids decide themselves if they will be happy or not.

The other thing I would suggest is to see if this boy wants to be a "helper."

My HFA 10-year-old would love that party, if that helps. We'd both be ecstatic that someone invited him to something, period.

Our 11 yo aspie would very much enjoy such a party. She *loves* to not have to try to be mature & although she gets along with adults just fine, being with a small group of much emotionally younger kids is when she relaxes (for her, given other issues). Mostly b/c she doesn't have to be on her guard as much for behaviors she doesn't understand. If the child in question gets along well with the others in class, he may very well really like having a chance to attend a party. Sometimes its nice to ignore & stim with everyone else.

I think it's great and since he knows the other kids I think he knows what's up. Also, assuming he won't come is sort of like of we had a party and assumed none of the nt kids would come. It does happen, but it's rude when they don't come because of the supposed differences, right? This guy sounds pretty cool to me. Maybe make sure he has something else to do just in case kind of thing, but I wouldn't think too hard about it.

Well, I typed an intelligent response, but WP's irritating anti-spam functions made it disappear.

So suffice it to say that yes, I think he'll enjoy himself.

If you're really in doubt, call the other parental units.

But I would have enjoyed it when I was 13, if I hadn't been too uptight about "normal" to let myself.

My son may or may not have fun, but I think he would like to "help" if he seemed bored. When his little sister's friends are over, he likes playing the "big brother" role and "helping" to entertain them. Sometimes I think being in the "helper" role helps him feel like he has permission to join in.

Personally? I would call his mom and ask her.

I agree with everyone here and really having nothing to add other than my vote that it sounds lovely.

Thanks everyone! I've got a plan b idea just in case and I'm feeling zen (in the colloquial sense).

Also, momsparky: I completely agree that im not responsible for their happiness and realistically there will be moments of unhappiness, someone might get overwhelmed, etc. That's fine and expected. But I aim to make it an environment that these kids could be happy in, if that makes sense.

Happy Halloween!

In case anyone was wondering... It went really well! I think everyone had a good time overall. Thanks again.

Terrific! So glad!

Awesome!