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pawelk1986
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31 Oct 2015, 6:30 am

I had never been especially popular or have not had any great clout, as I think like most people with Asperger.
I remember once watching a very nice comedy based on the book which, moreover, do not read.

I'm talking about "Diary of a Wimpy Kid 'main character Greg Heffley is a stereotypical nerd who wants to be popular in his school, creates a ranking lists the most popular kids in his class on his unhappiness itself is not very popular, so has resorted to various intrigues which are not despised by themselves even screenwriters of' Magnificent Century ":-)

Unfortunately for him, all his plans to turn against him, which to me brings to mind a quote from the Bible
"whoever exalts himself will be humbled and whoever humbles himself will be exalted" :D

In my opinion, you should just be yourself and do not pretend to be someone who you are not :D



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31 Oct 2015, 6:32 am

[opinion=mine]

Popularity is over-rated; but it's nice to have friends.

[/opinion]


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babybird
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31 Oct 2015, 8:48 am

In reality I couldn't handle being popular.

But some people seem to enjoy it.


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alex
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31 Oct 2015, 9:48 am

I don't think there's anything wrong with being popular. But it's definitely not something you should base your life around.


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Outrider
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31 Oct 2015, 9:24 pm

One thing is, not everyone fakes it to become popular.

Some people just choose to be themselves and live exactly how they want to, and they just happen to turn out popular and attract many people towards them.

Those who have the ability to handle popularity such as extroverted people and N.T.'s might not choose to be popular but will maintain it by maintaining contact with others.

I do have friends that are semi-popular through minimal or no effort. A good friend of mine, she admits she is extremely introverted, to the point she isn't even capable of keeping contact with others (she rarely messages others or replies to messages online, for example) and she has social anxiety and generally 'doesn't like people' or 'hates people' yet she has had a very high number of relationships, is technically engaged at 17 (I secretly don't take it seriously as an engagement as 17 is absolutely ridiculous imho), and plenty of rewarding friendships. Her friends are all great people I wish I knew better, she doesn't seem to even take advantage of the fact she has such rewarding friendships and admits she will probably lose contact with 90% of the people she knows now. Talk about too ungrateful to appreciate the friendships you have to the point of even wanting to make the effort so as to not to lose them. But anyway she feels people just seem to naturally 'gravitate' and 'magnitize' towards her even if it isn't her intention.

Ethically speaking, I just can't stand people who get good fortune or a happy life through no effort - it makes me feel like they haven't earned it, while others are working very hard and seeing minimal results (e.g. me).

I am definitely not like Greg from Diary of a Wimpy Kid though I will admit for a long time I have been working on my physical attractiveness, social skills, and meeting new people and making new friends to the point that it has brought plenty of good results, but not to that extent that I would like it. I'm grateful to finally have a group of friends rather than always just sticking with the extremely anti-social or poorly behaved special ed. kids. No offense to them, I treat them just like anyone else and still hang out with them. But I can now also be friends with those not affected by disabiltiies or mental disorders that make them anti-social by societies standards. I also ended up with my first girlfriend/relationship, but she was awful. I've made better new friends, etc.

I don't want to be 'popular' or anything and would dislike it, but as an ambiverted aspie with only introverted friends who never want to do anything outside of school, I feel very lonely when I'm at home. I desire the kind of friendships where you go places, do things, but I don't have anyone to fulfill that role right now.

Anyway, I find those that end up being popular are big conformists, and I mean that in the least offensive way possible. They just don't follow the norm, they are the norm.

They follow the vast majority of modern trends whether that be fashion, activities, entertainment and media, etc. For example, in my area skateboarding is extremely popular, and most skating males instantly end up automatically in the 'cool kids' crowd.

Popular people like popular things - popular music, popular activities, popular fashions and styles. It just makes sense, really.

The most popular also tend to get far with their looks and physical fitness, and confident and social personalities, but this is to be expected.



BuyerBeware
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31 Oct 2015, 9:34 pm

I thought about it obsessively when I was younger (tweens).

Then I decided it was out of reach, and that even acceptance was out of reach, and I'd be happy if I could just make people leave me alone.

So I did.

I made some friends while I was at it. OK, all my friends in my teens and early 20s were the scrapings off the bottom of the barrel (drug addicts, alcoholics, welfare hustlers, eating-disordered battered children with codependency issues, and guys who were hanging around hoping I'd put out). But they were friends.

Then I made better friends. Not the popular crowd, but at least people who aren't trying to hustle me, rob me outright, or get me alone and too drunk to say no. I hang out with a better class of alcoholics, drug addicts, and variously disordered former battered children who are determined not to repeat their parents' mistakes.

I don't think about "popular" much any more. I have 4 kids and a life. I don't have the time, the extroversion, or the executive functioning skills to bother with "popular." "Popular" would make my head hurt. I am happy.


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EmileMulder
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31 Oct 2015, 11:24 pm

I'm NT, but I've always been a nerd. There was an important point at the beginning of college for me where I was traveling and found myself hanging around with a lot of people who I would have considered "popular" in high school. They seemed to accept me and like me. Then I realized I was sort of bored by them. They weren't really interested in the things that I was interested in. Our interactions were mostly superficial and I never really felt close to any of them. It made me really miss my nerdy friends, and solidified for me that my identity as a nerd - although forced on me through ridicule in middle school, was really a choice. The best friendships are the ones that build on your commonalities and interests. There is little value in courting relationships that won't ever do that. So my advice is be yourself and don't be ashamed.



pawelk1986
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01 Nov 2015, 2:01 am

I feel the same way, the most important is to be yourself.

In my opinion you should not try by force to be popular, such methods usually bring dire results.
If someone has to be popular, the popularity come itself.



hmk66
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03 Nov 2015, 7:19 am

At work I appear to be sufficiently popular and extraverted, because I feel being appreciated during work breaks and before and after worktimes. They often like my humor and I have a sense of humor (I do not always detect jokes, because I do not often recognize them as such). My humor and my interests are refreshing to others, maybe because of my type of ASD.

When I join (or try to join) a conversation I don't change the subject and sometimes ask questions about what was just said. I am often in a good mood, and I am told by my parents that my communicative and social skills are sufficient (and I am told as well, that I am a very good listener). I often show interest in their subjects.