Do you have a red flag list?

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Thanks.

Sometimes I have trouble too...

My list would be:
overly controlling,
restricting,
hypocritical,
smoker,
over stepping boundaries without consent,
won't forgive,
punishing

Talk too much or too loud

Addicted to gadgets

Workaholic or sloth

Materialistic

Superficial

Unwilling to compromise

Too judgmental

Impatient

Red flags;
Insults you
Blames you for something he did
Ever hits you
Lies to you
Gives you significantly more household jobs
Violence to others
porn addiction
Not working
any drug addiction including tobacco or alcohol
Gets angry easily
Restricts what you can or can't do
Dismisses you
Repeatedly breaks the law

Too much jaywalking

Interrupting me when I talk

Off leash dogs

Judgmental attitude

Homophobia, racist, sexist

Being a flake

Acting entitled, self important, innocent

Saying "what" instead of "excuse me"

Reckless driving

I don’t really have a list, per se, but I do know what my dealbreakers are.

I won’t put up with the following:

- Someone who always seems to be victim in all of their previous relationships (I find that very suspicious as it’s often a ploy to gain sympathy).
- Violating my privacy
- Violating my body (you’re gonna get broken into pieces if you ever do that to me)
- Someone who refuses to take accountability for their own problems
- Someone that tries to control me, who I associate with, where I am, what I do, etc. (You will have your ass handed to you for this)
- Someone who mooches off of me
- An addict who isn’t trying to overcome their addiction (I won’t facilitate someone’s addiction).
- Overly dependent people (again, I won’t facilitate something so damaging)
- Anyone who expects me to facilitate a dangerous habit or maladaptive coping skills. It’s not because I judge them - it’s just that I think it would be toxic for them if I tried to fix them or pretend I was okay with it.
- People that have very prejudiced opinions
- People that act out and humiliate me in public
- Disrespecting my family and friends
- Not keeping promises
- Constantly lying or omitting the truth
- Anyone who is cruel to others, including animals
- Someone who always seems to make enemies and it’s somehow never their own fault for the fall out (Makes me think they don’t want to take accountability for their own behaviour)
- Somebody that claims ignorance when they’re called out on something they did when they already know better.
- People that get involved in crime regularly and expect me to participate as well (like selling hard drugs in our house).

Stuff like that, I guess

My Mom told me this week that she thinks it would be better for me to avoid being involved with men (indefinitely), because I am a terrible judge of character in general, not just romantically.

While I must concede that this is true, I don't believe that avoidance for the rest of my life is healthy or practical.

avoidance for the rest of your life is neither healthy nor practical. however, romantic relationships could be even more unhealthy and impractical.



A recent post by HisMom in another thread listed potentially abusive red flag traits, and it got me thinking that maybe other women (&men!) might have red flag lists for people in general too.

If you do, I would like to read them, as to put it simply the wisening up process is not occurring naturally for me at the pace I need it to! Please, no gender, personality disorder et al bashing

the problem with red flags, is that there could be an infinite number of them, and you can only look out for a certain amount of red flags. the other problem is that, sometimes you only recognize the red flag, after you have made the mistake of forming an emotional attachment. at that point, you either dump someone, or you ignore the red flag, or you try to change someone.

in the past, when i ignored red flags, i regretted it.

trying to change someone does not work. at least, for me. unless you have leverage (for example, you earn a lot more $$$$ than your spouse), trying to change someone will not work for you.

dumping someone hrrts. seriously.

some red flags are so vague. for example, "disrespecting". you can't measure respect. everything is respectful, neither or disrespectful. you can't guarantee just the first two.

if you choose to pursue romantic relationships, i think it is better to keep red flags in mind, than not to.

however, if you do not pursue romantic relationships, you will not have to constantly compete with someone.

Red flags are indeed subjective as they are based on self awareness of personal limitations... you know that saying ...if you've met a person on the spectrum, you've met one person on the spectrum.

The onus isn't on the other person to behave with consideration and be accommodating, its on me to make decisions which protect myself, like not dating someone who would be too challenging for my personal abilities. A few years back I started to prioritise my autistic needs, like noise sensitivity or my difficulty socialising and realised that I needed a very specific fit in a partner.
These days I'm in a LDR with an autistic man and he is simply a perfect match, I wasted too many years conforming to other people's standards in relationships, now, being my true self is the absolute priority and thankfully I have that with my beau.

If I had one:

No off leash dogs
Cancel plans at a minimum
No compliments or insult or criticism
No "huh" "what"

"Respect" is too vague. It's a blank check to veto anything you do not like. But whatever, respect.

Patient
No comments on appearance or IQ
Not materialistic or superficial or Republicans or racist, sexism, homophobia

No wrongful accusations

No self important lil attitude

This explains some, imo also why society values some of it rather more than is good,
(and the return of the propagandised 'femme-enfant', for consumer business happy isn't a thing, 'medical care' is consumer(ist) too, more outsourcing of responsabiliies)

The problem inherent to any red flag list, is that, it can't be exhaustive

Red flag: I get a bad vibe off them.

Addicted to technology, drugs,

Criminal conviction (, it could be wrongfully accused, but I don't want to know)

Personality disorder (inam a hypocrite)

Control freak