Proper diagnosis-How?

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My grandson has Asperger's. Doing research to learn more about him, I found things that suggest I also may have Asperger's. Many things I found out were in the realm of "That's a thing?" (Like mistaking noises for voices....no, I don't hear voices telling me to do things. I just hear things and it sounds like voices murmuring. Or not being able to eat foods that have certain textures. Will make me actually gag.). I took a lot of tests and decided to get checked out.
The tests I took were:

"Aspie Quiz" Neruodiverse score was 166 out of 200

"The Ritvo Autism Asperger Diagnostic Scale-Revised (RAADS-R)" ASD average score of 198 (Threshold values for suspected ASD is 65)
That site also had an Autistic Spectrum Quotient (AQ) My score 42 and AQ-10 score was a 9
Average score of ASD Males is 33 and 6.8 respectively.

The person who saw me, said that it seemed that I had Asperger's, said she would 'put down a working diagnosis of Asperger's, but then asked what I consider to be very stupid questions like:

a) Why weren't you diagnosed in childhood? My brain screamed "You moron, it was the 60s and 70s. If you weren't rocking in a corner and banging your head, they didn't bother!! !!"....but all I could get out was "I don't know. Maybe they all thought because I was the new kid (moved a lot) from a divorced family that was the easy answer?".

b) You seem to be accomplished, why do you want a diagnosis? "Uhhhh, because I WANT TO KNOW WHY THINGS ARE THE WAY THEY ARE IN ME!! !"

My frustration point was already getting high and the higher it got, the more I shut down to where all I could do is just listen and try to answer.

There are more but I got dismissed saying they only diagnose children (then why see me when my referral slip said "Testing for Asperger's" and waste one of my insurance visits? I'm clearly and adult (55)). Then she told me to see someone else. I asked for a referral, she said her only referral was her partner and "He didn't take insurance".

Felt like a complete dismissal and a bit of a 'pump and dump'.

On one hand, it's a bit scary. On the other hand I want to know why my life has been the way it has always been. I've always felt isolated, craving to be someone's friend and fit in, but always more comfortable alone. I can't stand people, but do like individuals. I've been reprimanded several times for saying inappropriate things, but for the life of me, I can't see why it was inappropriate. I've just learned to agree and get along as easy as possible.

As my biological mother said, "You were always an odd child." or "You're coordinated as a brick."

So, how to find someone who will take me serious enough to evaluate properly?

I have a formal written diagnosis from someone who works for a university. They gave me some tests and even had my parents fill out a survey which provided information about what I was like as a child. (I was an adult when tested).

The person who did the testing was not covered by insurance.

I was given a formal written evaluation when I asked for it which was around two pages.

As far as I can tell it's very hard to determine what psychologists are good or competent ahead to scheduling an appointment. But some specialize in autism spectrum disorders.

But I think what you can do is make it clear you are looking for a formal psychological evaluation, with a written diagnosis, not therapy. (or maybe a written one would cost more, don't know) You can call your general doctor and see if they know anyone for a referral, otherwise try to make it clear you are looking for a formal written evaluation, not therapy, when you call places and if they don't do that see if they will refer you to anyone.

I would start with the people who diagnosed your grandchild, maybe, if they don't do adults ideally they should be able to refer you to people who do.

I'll offer a brief warning that not all experiences with psychologists are positive (as you've seen recently) so if you don't agree with the diagnosis you can be skeptical about it, different psychologists might have different takes.

Depending on your financial situation it may not be worth spending the money if there isn't anyone covered by insurance. Aside from being able to say "I've been formally diagnosed with aspergers" the evaluation has little benefit to my life.

I want to start with a a diagnosis so that I can decide the course of action later.

As always, my (step 1), (step 2), (step 3) process.

As for what it may do for me, I don't know. But, I have been dismissed from meetings and such because of the unfiltered or unwashed comes streaming out of me.

Can't start until I actually have a starting place. Self diagnosis doesn't actually help as it could just be social anxiety issues that can be treated.

Here is the problem, socially and such for me:

I've learned about 10 tricks that get me through things (mostly). But, once those tricks run out, I'm just a lump.

Talk therapy and all, well, dunno about it. But oddly enough, a previous person that was treating me noted many of the things that are on the Asperger's list. "Do you realize what you said was inappropriate?", "Do you realize the tone?", "Why can't you understand a compliment?" and the kicker (from a group session) "Don't approach that person." I asked why. She asked "Didn't you realize she was hitting on you?".
I am totally unable to pick up on those things. I feel like Sheldon Cooper without the brains.

Many other things. But, since I was being treated for something else, I guess they overlooked it, or they were just not putting two and two together. So many things can mask themselves.

All I know is that I dread being around people when I have to interact with them. I can't carry on a conversation unless it's about something I know about or interested in. And, it is starting to interfere with work and other related issues.

You will have to do extensive research and as mentioned may have to see several clinitions before finding one that is affordable and within traveling distance and understands how autism presents in middle age. Many websites do have section where people rate or comment on clinicians. However a person who has a negative experience is more likely to post a comment.

If a competent clinition is unavailable there are people here who can give advice about specific issues.

These issues often occur after lengthy interaction and most certainly multiple social interatctions going on at once such as a meeting.As we get into our 50's we can do less then we did in our 20's, this is exacerbated when we have been "pretending to be normal" for decades. So the obvoius applies get your rest, proper diet, exercise etc. If you feel yourself getting stressed because the social interaction is going on to long excuse yourself to calm down. You can't eliminate these problems, but you cut down on the number of times they occur.

I do not know if you are living with someone but at home taking more down time or alone time is important.

Actually continuing the search for more definitive information.

But, I can tell you that I have had masks on for my entire life. I learned how to be funny and quick (regurgitation of comedy albums) to avoid confrontation. But, that gave me a reputation as glib and never serious, when in fact, I'm almost always the most serious and intense in the room.

But the social situations are the worst and getting worse all the time. I just can't function around people and especially when interrupted. Have had a few mini meltdowns at the wrong times.

But, working on it.

Forgive the slightly tangential rant here. Your second "very stupid question" you were asked about seeking a diagnosis despite being accomplished always annoys me.

First of all, in my own case, just because I may appear 'accomplished', that doesn't mean it hasn't been without a helluva lot of support and personal effort.

Secondly, I am baffled by the sheer number of people who themselves seem baffled by the person who wants to learn or discover something simply for the sake of knowing it. Does there always have to be an ulterior motive in such things?

I know there's often more to seeking a diagnosis than just this, but several of us 'seekers' want a diagnosis to help better understand or 'know' ourselves. Are the 'normals' out there completely self-aware or content with what they know of themselves to not question it? I've gone through most of my life feeling like I don't truly know myself or I feel that something is missing that would help better explain 'me.'

So, yes. A frustratingly stupid, dismissive question.

If you don't need formal accommodations or wish to participate in research, there's always the option of ending the search and remaining self-diagnosed. You can always start it up later. You know yourself better than professionals, anyways.

Nope, this is an "I gotta know" thing here.

Participation in Research is not a problem....I think.....

Just now starting to figure where to look in the NYC area for someone that will work with me.

Too many times what I think is one thing may be something else. If not this, some other social issue? I doubt that because of the consistency of tests I have taken online, Some of it from the Cambridge stuff. An AQ score. That's the most common.

So, research, research, research......

Well, I have found a few leads. Almost all of the places I've found treat only children or the parents and family of children. But there are a few places that do treat adults.

Now to contact them which I am dreading.....making contact with strangers and all. But, hopefully, I can find the right place.

Thanks to all who have responded.

As for Arcnarenth....That didn't seem to be such a tangential rant. Seemed to reflect what I experience.
I want to know so that I can understand. Maybe plot a new course in life to play into my strengths instead of my dreams. Kinda late in life to discover something of this magnitude, but, been trying to roll with life all this time, maybe this time, I'll roll in the right direction, eh?

Make a short list of your impairments to tell the psychologist why you want assessment.
Don't make a long reports of all your traits.
Go in with open mind about whether you have autism, are normal, or have other mental disorder.
Have a family member agree to provide information from outside perspective if psychologist wants that information.

Good info. I tend to over-report and just blather....

I worry about that sounding over-prepared though.

As for the possibility of another diagnosis, it doesn't worry me. I just wanna know what's going on.

Here's a question for you, OP: during your adult life, how have you fared in interviews with strangers such as job interviews? Interviews, whether clinical interviews, job interviews, or any other kind, are forms of social encounters between strangers. Lots and lots of people have opened threads similar to yours on WP, about the particular difficulty of getting an objective diagnosis and being challenged by clinicians in irrelevant ways (as you were).

Perhaps this is not surprising, given that a hallmark characteristic of AS is difficulty in social encounters with strangers. And clinical encounters are social encounters - clinicians are not 100% objective, robot machines who operate without cultural prejudice and who only believe things which are 1000% true (would that they were!).

It seems to me curious sometimes, that the very clinicians who specialise in Aspergers Syndrome - who by virtue of their training (one hopes) know that social encounters with strangers, particularly those that rely on verbal interaction which involves a lot of questions one after another is a process which is inimical to ASD fluency, authentic self-presentation and engagement. The lack of respect for and understanding of ASD needs in the diagnostic setting is astounding really; (it's something I would love to discuss with Tony Attwood!!)

There are many studies which demonstrate the various levels of bias in clinical assessment; the desire for certainty that you have is entirely understandable, though it can be very hard for older people and women in particular to achieve in the clinical setting, though you may be lucky to find a more enlightened clinician. Good luck to you..

In short, I have always sucked at interviews. I'm either too cocky (oblivious and convinced I'm perfect for the job which leads to a lot of unfiltered responses) or completely intimidated and can't respond.

In the old days, my profession (commercial artist) was perfect in that I worked alone, was told what to do (Sometimes worked, sometimes couldn't decipher things) or required some sort of technical skill (which I excel at). Very limited interaction and the portfolio spoke for itself.

Not today. I find the whole way of doing things now to be alien and foreign to me. And, young people just baffle me. I'm old enough to be the father of most of them. Their way of speaking is alien and I tend to Faux Pas a lot. And, my ability to decipher in between the lines really poses a challenge to me.

Before the advent of computer graphics (Of which I've been on the cutting edge for almost 30 years) people knew what they wanted. It was too expensive and time consuming to have to make changes. Corrections were always my responsibility. But the instructions were clear.

Now, computers have taken over to the point of requiring constant revision because everybody expects it to be instantaneous. That is way out of the realm of my abilities since I require planning and focus in my daily life on all fronts. Olden days....allowed me to plan, receive concise information. Nowadays.....constant chaos, distraction and increasing barriers to speaking with younger and younger people.

They don't understand my cultural references (I refer to TV shows and movies a lot to make any point.) and that means that I'm at a loss for basic communication.