Crypto Sensitivity Syndrome?

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KimJ you wrote it better than I could

I think a better way is to teach them perspective taking and explain cognitively that not dressing and acting in accordance with their peers will cause them to be excluded. Being clean and well dressed is just something we do because we make a better impression that results in fewer problems, logically. I don't make things that everyone does issues about AS. They are just issues about growing up. A lot of kids are poorly groomed and grungy and it has nothing to do with a disability, does it?

Why not explain society's expectations and why people think and act they way they do. Leave AS and being disabled out of it. Talk to your kids like they are members of a foreign culture and explain things logically. Teach them good manners because everyone should have them. It's just another tool in the cognitive toolbox to use in order to become happy and successful, which we REALLY all do want, even when we deny it. Teach them ADULT behavior and stop worrying about all the emotional relating to other children. They're not going to fit in well with teenagers; teach them things that will serve them the rest of their lives.

Yes, pick your battles wisely. I just don't look at the terms liberal and conservative politically. I'm not very political. I just like things to makes sense and be logical.

I think you're arguing a point that SeriousGirl isn't making. We're both saying that it seems to easier for Aspies to navigative a conservative world. There are social norms that everyone is explicitly taught and expected to follow. So, for instance, when you are sitting in class, you know how to behave. You are taught manners at home and at school in a fairly uniform manner. I was taught phone manners in school for instance with real phones. My brother was taught dance etiquette in 6th grade prior to attending dances.
For some reason, these lessons have been dropped from school curricula. Parents can't be expected to teach it all. A lot of these social skills are lost for a lot of people. NTs can fly under the radar because of adaptive behavior. That doesn't mean they are naturally more polite, socially adept or smart.

Aspies and autistics, though, still need rigorous social skills training to make it in any social situation.

I'm saying, yes, it's easier but it's probably no longer appropriate to go back to conservative values just to teach social skills.

SeriousGirl, that's what I mean. I don't like pairing grooming with social skills. "Well-dressed" often translates to fashionable and when I have to go overboard with teaching my son coping skills and basic social skills (on top of his language delays) I don't have the heart to make him dress or groom a certain way. I want him to be comfortable, if his clothes don't match or they're wrinkled, oh well. I let him wear shorts year round and sandals. There are some schools where this is banned. But really, I'm more concerned with his stress levels and comfort.
We had a similar discussion in the parents' forum. What's the point of fitting in if your sensory issues are overwhelming? Who decides how short the hair must be and how often a kid gets a haircut?
I think grooming is vastly different than social skills.

I always bought clothes that were somewhat in line with kid's fashion and comfortable and made sure they were clean. Grooming is making sure the child is clean and the hair is combed and the buttons are buttoned in the right holes, shoes are tied and everything is in order.

In Grandin's book "Unwritten Rules of Social Behavior" (highly recommended), she says she wears the Western shirts for the effect on parents at conferences - to show them that you can be eccentric and successful, but she doesn't wear them at work. She says she wears slacks and dressy shirts (with a soft t-shirt underneath) at work and wears whatever at home.

When I was a kid, I wanted to wear soft pants and shirts, not those horrid dresses with the scratchy petticoats (anyone remember?). I had a huge fight with my mother over changing into a dress to have my photo taken. My avatar is the result of that meltdown. The photographer came and I was still in my play clothes and I was determined not to change my clothes.

But I did learn to dress for the occassion and not draw negative attention to myself as I got older and I'm glad my mother and grandmother had those expectations of me so when my sensory issues got better, I was able to comform and not stick out because the nail that sticks out gets pounded. You will become a biully magnet. I wasn't bullied like some of the others I read about here.

I think if you learn good manners, you will learn social skills with your peers, if the parent is consistently explaining behavior to the aspie. The big thing is knowing the other person's state of mind. That takes experience and some of that is painful for the child. My job is it try to reduce the pain and leave as few scars as possible.

Well, considering those conferences (which aren't just for parents, they include her lectures with cattlemen assoc. and others) are essentially work, I think she's cheating. I've never seen her in any other clothing other than the jeans and western shirts. (and messy hair)

I've never seen her in person. My aspie son thinks she is very unattractive.

He dresses like a 45 year old man. LOL. He admires his father.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=46ycu3JFRrA

This video clip has examples of her at home, at work and the conferences. It was my experience in Northern CA that she lectures for parents (teachers and professionals) only when she can also be booked for cattlemen assoc. That is usually because the former is free or little charge (sponsored by non-profits) and the latter is where the money is. I saw her lecture at the Commonwealth Club in San Francisco promoting her book, Animals in Translation.

She looks like the folks in Arkansas or Oklahoma.

Very rural and masculine looking. I assume she is gay by her clothing. Interesting video, thanks.

In one of her books she claims to be asexual. In my family, most of us dress in a fairly androgynous manner.

The argyle sweater vest and the tie was pretty masculine looking to me.

I dress like a woman and my hubby wouldn't be caught dead in a cami.

I don't see her as being badly dressed rather than a bit eccentrically dressed, like an NT with a fetish for doggie sweaters. My personal POV is to try and not to stand out as it attracts busybodies and gossip, which I want to avoid. My kids are getting to the age where they make their own decisions about clothing.

Well Seriousgirl,

Even though you look (ahem...) serious, it IS a cute picture! I like MY theory of autism better. That part of the mind just doesn't really grow up, so you have young attributes like the social, more conscious things, stims, etc... Of course, people ARE, like it or not, animals.

As for female attire? At least you have a choice in any business place, and don't have to deal with ties.

BTW I dress conservatively. I always have, and probably always will. I keep clean, and usually don't brush my hair. If it is in disarray, and I know about it, I may quickly comb it, or just rub my wet hand over it. Sometimes, I find out at the end of the day that it is in disarray.

Steve

Oddly, this is a quirk of mine, too. I usually will dress quite nicely... but forget to drag a comb through my hair. End up at work with bed-hair sometimes. Very embarassing, when 3 or 4 hours in I notice myself in a mirror.

I DO always wash my hair, and try to rub it in such a way that it ends up decent, so it isn't THAT bad. Still, some wisps DO remind me of einstein!

Steve

I don't know about liberal/conservative being better for an Aspie because they really aren't concrete terms. Careful social rules are sometimes easier for Aspies to follow, but regardless there is oftentimes a problem with the smoothness of social ability. So even if you know the rules you may not be able to apply them without looking odd.

I do think it is important to teach kids the roadmap of NT society. Timing is important however - a little kid with severe sensory issues is not likely to benefit from instruction. Even if you get them into the clothes their behavior would draw attention to their differences. Once a kid can learn to understand what is socially appropriate then you can show them ways to blend in while still maintaining a level of comfort. It doesn't have to be about making them into NT's or anything like that. As long as they understand that their choices of dress may cause them to be teased and they are OK with that then they are also unlikely to get upset.

When I was little I would do things like wear the same outfit over and over again - one time for a month. Even though I had lots of dresses I apparently only wore about three different outfits and wore them until they wore out (much like today - lol). I was a fashion disaster for awhile though (still in gradeschool) because I was completely oblivious to social norms. I wore what was comfortable - and I am still embarrassed thinking back to the outfit I wore to the psychiatrist's office as a kid. Green corduroy skirt, argyle socks, and reddish/cream top. All very comfortable but really I can't blame some of the kids for making fun of me (lol).

Ran Van Mechelen is taking idiosyncratic views of what liberal and conservative societies would be like. Part of the reason why I am liberal is that I have experienced enough exclusion and ostracization to identify with the downtrodden in our society; I also have the sympathy to realize I have been in bad situations before, and I don't think it's a bad idea to give some support to the poor and disabled. I could go on, but political ideology could be spun to make anything be good for or bad for people with Asperger's syndrome.