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kazanscube
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29 Nov 2015, 9:01 pm

Self esteem where do I start? For me it has been a struggle over centuries now with simply acknowledging myself as human. It's not easy to alter a negative perception of oneself to one of a more positive note.

However I try to remind myself I'm still a human being.


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BeaArthur
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29 Nov 2015, 9:09 pm

kazanscube wrote:
Self esteem where do I start? For me it has been a struggle over centuries now with simply acknowledging myself as human. It's not easy to alter a negative perception of oneself to one of a more positive note.

However I try to remind myself I'm still a human being.

"It's not easy to alter a negative perception of oneself to one of a more positive note." But so, so worth it.


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kazanscube
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29 Nov 2015, 10:03 pm

Yes that makes sense Bea Arthur.


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30 Nov 2015, 11:59 pm

I thought of this post when I just had an experience that may have clarified this somewhat on how low self esteem may effect how you behave. It involved identifying that my tendency to rush, to overcompensate, to get myself into bad positions with taking on things unsuitable for me, may be because I think I have to take whatever I'm given, who am I to pick and choose or demand things go my way.
Instead, it would be better if I took my time and did things in a way that is best for me, not trying to pander to others or "people please," and instead allowed people to adapt to me, or allow myself to be put in bad positions without protest. Interesting, I hadn't really recognised this topic at all before.


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Lockheart
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01 Dec 2015, 4:02 am

I see where you're coming from with your original post, BeaArthur. Intellectually I understand the concept that negative self-talk is self-destructive and I try to express myself positively or at least neutrally in this forum. However, it's still there. I feel bad when people say "Oh, just stop thinking that way about yourself", because it sounds so easy and I don't know how.

BeaArthur wrote:
"It's not easy to alter a negative perception of oneself to one of a more positive note." But so, so worth it.


So in light of your quote there, then, how did you (and other people who have managed it) get rid of that nasty little voice in your head that wants to put you down, tells you you aren't worthy of happiness and denigrates your achievements all the time?

BeaArthur wrote:
And having a circumstance where someone loves you is very beneficial to self-esteem. I would say it's one of the most important circumstances, more than career or income - for me anyway. This might not be true for everyone reading this; but having someone regularly telling you you are beautiful or saying how much you matter in their life, well, it's hard to have low self-esteem in a circumstance like that.


And further, is it really possible to build self-esteem when you don't have positive feedback coming from an external source?



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01 Dec 2015, 7:46 am

Lockheart wrote:
I see where you're coming from with your original post, BeaArthur. Intellectually I understand the concept that negative self-talk is self-destructive and I try to express myself positively or at least neutrally in this forum. However, it's still there. I feel bad when people say "Oh, just stop thinking that way about yourself", because it sounds so easy and I don't know how.

BeaArthur wrote:
"It's not easy to alter a negative perception of oneself to one of a more positive note." But so, so worth it.


So in light of your quote there, then, how did you (and other people who have managed it) get rid of that nasty little voice in your head that wants to put you down, tells you you aren't worthy of happiness and denigrates your achievements all the time?

BeaArthur wrote:
And having a circumstance where someone loves you is very beneficial to self-esteem. I would say it's one of the most important circumstances, more than career or income - for me anyway. This might not be true for everyone reading this; but having someone regularly telling you you are beautiful or saying how much you matter in their life, well, it's hard to have low self-esteem in a circumstance like that.


And further, is it really possible to build self-esteem when you don't have positive feedback coming from an external source?


I had good counseling relationships with several psychologists. These people were well trained, accepting, and very professional. Only with this last one did discussion of Asperger's even enter the equation, instead we talked about what was going on in my life, what it meant, what I could change. A principle of therapy is "unconditional positive regard," in other words, a good therapist is on your side, even when you feel your worst and don't like yourself. By allowing someone to matter to you in that way, you have a "corrective emotional experience" that begins to change your world view. (Quote marks show that these are terms from the professional literature on why therapy works.)

If you can't get counseling for Asperger's, which is likely, ask to be diagnosed with anxiety or depression and work on those. If you can't afford much therapy, try stretching it out to be seen less often, but over a longer time.

So to answer the question about improving self-esteen without outside support, I don't know. I can only tell you what worked for me. It did not happen overnight, in fact it took many years, but it was worth doing. I used to be a flawed and unhappy person. I'm still flawed, but overall, I'm happy. :)


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01 Dec 2015, 6:29 pm

^Thanks BeaArthur.