Low self-esteem

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Self Esteem develops by the time we are five. Like me for example, I was born as a red head. Most people responded in a shocked oh poor little girl way. They would say "she is so pale" and "her hair so red". And my father responded negatively to me because I not only had red hair but I was a girl. Because I have Asperger I pulled away from people and cried allot. I got allot of negative attention. These negative responses have continued through out my life. My red hair did darken to a darker brown with red highlights but skin remained pale. People always tell me I need to get a tan. Hello! people I have a very fair complexion. I do not tan I burn even when I use 100 sun block. I have been discriminated against all my life. And the thing about it is most people would say red heads are not discriminated against. I dyed my hair blonde for many years and I was shocked about what people said about red heads. Many said they hated them. I won't continue but this is my take on self esteem.

^ redheaded women are lovely! It's such an unusual and striking look, and that skin that redheads get, like cream. I would have thought being redheaded would have been a positive physical characteristic, not a negative one. After all many women dye their hair red on purpose.
I don't really understand self-esteem either. For me it seems to have very little to do with the quantifiers of others and more to do with how I perceive myself and my own standards. I have been in situations in life where other people were proud of me and respected me and interpreted me as doing well, and I hated myself. There have been other situations that would have been devastating to a "normal" person that delighted me and made me feel much better about myself. People telling me things makes no difference - someone recently told me she likes my company, but I don't see why she should.
What is the point of self-esteem? What does it do? Why do you have to have any whatsoever?

If you go to this blog you will learn more on the subject of red heads: http://usepsychology.blogspot.com/2013/ ... ctive.html

I'm not trying to cause a debate on the issue, I was merely stating my experience as a red headed child with Asperger's growing up has contributed to my low self esteem. Yes, red headed woman have less discrimination then there male counterparts but still face similar issues. Why woman are dying there hair red baffles me. People ask me all the time what color red I use when dying my hair. I tell them it is natural and they are silent. It is merely a trend and it is thought to be edgy. But because it is not natural people are okay with it. You add fair skin and freckles to those people and most would not go for that look. It is a scientific fact just as they say blondes are considered most attractive. This is based off of studies done in controlled environments. It is not my opinion.

If you had grown up knowing you were the gender daddy wanted and hearing that redheads are the most beautiful people in the world - I doubt it would have mattered what society said. You would have felt valuable to your core. But you didn't. I do agree that much of it is in place by age 5 - which is not to say that subsequent experiences can't play a part.

Isn't Prince Harry a bit of a redhead? I thought everybody thinks he is darling. Doesn't hurt to be royalty, I suppose.

I think the combination of factors, like Falloy said, is key, because they reinforce each other. The more different people in different contexts tell you the same thing the harder it becomes to disbelieve it.

I know a red-headed guy (looks a bit like Prince Harry, actually) who is probably the most self-assured, secure, confident person I've ever met. I don't mean that he projects over-the-top confidence, I mean genuine confidence. If he's faking it then he's certainly managed to fool me. I have a great deal of respect for him. This guy also gets red-head jokes all the time and also makes them all the time (pre-empting the others doing it, I suppose), but because he's already so confident this doesn't seem to bother him at all. He's a fun and social guy, good at sports, very tough both physically and mentally and has lots of friends, so he can easily laugh it off. It's like everyone is laughing with him, not at him. Of course, if you don't have all that positive reinforcement things are quite different.

On the subject of hair color, let's not forget that the jokes about blonde women can get pretty vicious. Red hair has no monopoly on derision. And of course, there's also skin color... no need to say more.

I have had to learn to laugh at myself. I've had to do it a hell of a lot.

Laugh at my height. Laugh at my poor eyesight. Laugh at my hair colour. Laugh at my weight. Laugh at physical clumsiness.

And over and over and over again, laugh at my physical appearance.

I can often put on a "comedy routine" around a mistake I've made of one of my failings. But not always.

It certainly hasn't helped my self esteem. In fact I think it has damaged it.

You can't just keep laughing. You can't let people laugh at the things and people you love (and in my experience, they will). You have to be more than just a joke.

Self esteem where do I start? For me it has been a struggle over centuries now with simply acknowledging myself as human. It's not easy to alter a negative perception of oneself to one of a more positive note.

However I try to remind myself I'm still a human being.