Behavior/feeling in public transportation?

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Earthling
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29 Nov 2015, 7:55 am

I don't mean bus rules like don't eat and stuff.

What I'm interested in is how you behave in relation to other people there, if you look at them or not, if you get physically/emotionally comfortable or not. Or if you have some tips/guidelines on how to get the situation over with. Things like that.

I have no clue on proper bus etiquette, and feel rather uncomfortable while on public transportation. Sometimes I stare at people because never looking seems to irritate some. I feel semi-frozen while in public transport. I sit there in whatever position but don't make myself more comfortable and have trouble thinking, so I sort of doze off. While at home I can pretty much do whatever I want, but on public transport I feel like it would be socially unacceptable to start stimming and doing cartwheels.
It seems like other people just sit around and not think too much of it, but I feel like a restricted alien there. :(



Joe90
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29 Nov 2015, 9:21 am

I've been getting buses regularly for over 8 years. I do like getting buses, but here are a few things that annoy me:-

-people coughing and sneezing
-people sitting next to me
-toddlers (unless they're quiet)
-people wanting the windows open when it's cold
-the bus being too crowded
-people not having the right change or not getting their change ready, which holds up the bus
-people putting young kids behind me and they keep kicking the back of my seat
-when the bus is held up in lots of traffic

Funnily enough though, getting buses still beats walking, NOT due to laziness, but due to street anxiety.

Just act natural on buses. You don't have to stare at people. But I know what you mean. I get worried if I meet a pedestrian's eye when looking out of the window. I always think that they see me only and nobody else who's also looking out of bus windows, like I'm a glowing light.


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BirdInFlight
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29 Nov 2015, 9:48 am

I can only speak for London, England, as the social culture may be different in other cities across the world, or in smaller towns.

But in London if you're on a busy bus or tube train, I don't believe there has ever been an expectation of anyone meeting each other eyes, talking or acknowledging anyone, in fact it's the opposite.

People on a crowded London tube train usually avoid having eye contact with others, and if it happens accidentally they kind of pretend it didn't, and just move their eyes onward to the advert posters or a partition wall or the ceiling or the floor.

Nobody expects anyone else to nod or smile or acknowledge each other, in fact it would make people uncomfortable if anyone did that. It's just not something you see happening. Everyone kind of pretends nobody else is there.

Part of this is a kind of social survival instinct when in very crowded places like an inner city; you can't say hello to literally a thousand people you're walking past or on a subway with, as you'd be doing that all day. We all just form a bubble around ourselves.

In one sense crowded transportation is aspie hell, yet in another sense it's ideal because you're totally not obliged to look anyone in the eye or make conversation.

I've seen conversation break out in rare circumstances like the train gets stuck in a tunnel longer than usual, or the something else unusual happening. But in normal operation you're fine not meeting anyone's eyes. Just look at everything else in the bus or carriage, read the adverts, look out the window at trees and buildings, or bring a book to read.



neilson_wheels
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29 Nov 2015, 9:54 am

Best to take a form of distraction with you, you might as well put the time to a better use.
A book or kindle is a good option, or a notebook for ideas related to your studies or any creative things you do.



arielhawksquill
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29 Nov 2015, 10:01 am

Where I live, everyone has their eyes glued to their phone. When I sit down I make brief eye contact with any faces turned toward me, then look in my bag for a minute to put my transit pass away and find my lip balm, and by the time I look up they are all looking at their phones again. I listen to my headphones and look out the window and daydream, but I've never dozed off before--too aware of my safety for that.

If you feel too pent up and forced to sit still, you could stand up. Lots of people who are only going a short distance stand near the door rather than bother to find a seat. The balance you need for stops and starts is a lot like surfing. :)



izzeme
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30 Nov 2015, 4:02 am

A book/screen and/or headphones will do wonders: they will shield you from 90% of targeted interaction and offer you a convinient excuse to not interact either.



LittleMidnightSnack
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30 Nov 2015, 4:34 am

:D I actually like using public transport, especially buses at the moment. Usually when I'm on the bus, I listen to my iPod while fantasizing about various scenarios in my head or have internal conversations with myself. Although, the bus stopping and starting to let people off or let them in really cuts into my train of thought, which can be a little annoying sometimes...

But it's a good excuse to get out of the house, especially when I need to do things such as stocking up on items or attending appointments I need to go to. Our buses aren't really crowded here as public transport fares can get expensive if you don't have a concession card (it can cost up to $15 a day as an adult, compared to $2.50 a day as a pensioner), and it's usually just a few elderly people and mothers with children who I see on these bus trips.


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hmk66
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30 Nov 2015, 5:55 am

BirdInFlight,

In public transportation in the Netherlands the behaviour is much the same as in London. People in buses and trains are often on their own, unless they are friends; in that case they will talk to eachother. They often mind their own business. By entering the bus or train people who enter sometimes ask: "Is this bus/train going to ...?"

The most of the travelers are playing with their phones. Others read a book or a newspaper or look outside.



Rockymtchris
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30 Nov 2015, 6:29 am

Whenever I have to board a local bus or train I browse for a spot where I can sit "solo". If I find one I'll take my pacifier out of my pocket and pop it into my mouth right after I sit and usually I'll end up with that seat all to myself for the remainder of the ride. It's as good as wearing a T-shirt saying, "I don't want to make small talk with strangers!"


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Joe90
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30 Nov 2015, 7:21 am

Rockymtchris wrote:
Whenever I have to board a local bus or train I browse for a spot where I can sit "solo". If I find one I'll take my pacifier out of my pocket and pop it into my mouth right after I sit and usually I'll end up with that seat all to myself for the remainder of the ride. It's as good as wearing a T-shirt saying, "I don't want to make small talk with strangers!"


You have a pacifier? Wow, how do you have the guts to get out a pacifier in public like that? If someone did that where I come from, they would end up so bullied even by mature adults, and might risk getting looked upon as a "mental patient".


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Varelse
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30 Nov 2015, 12:53 pm

I look out of the windows a lot, and I stand up whenever this is an option (and swing from the bar or the handholds sometimes). I try to avoid looking at people, but if I get attention then I am polite, but keep my replies brief and to the point. I'd try reading on the bus, but I get motion sickness fairly quickly when not looking outside. If anyone is making some kind of attention-attracting noise (talking, coughing, whatever) then I use my mp3 player to distract myself from it.

Generally, I'd rather walk for 2 hours than take a bus that would get me there in half the time.



Earthling
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30 Nov 2015, 3:31 pm

Thanks for the replies, guys.
So far, standing up and ignoring people seems like a nice thing to do.
However, I will not pretend to be doing something with my phone! That would make it even more awkward.
And reading... it might work. But I can never quality-relax on the bus. Never.



Rockymtchris
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30 Nov 2015, 4:11 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Rockymtchris wrote:
Whenever I have to board a local bus or train I browse for a spot where I can sit "solo". If I find one I'll take my pacifier out of my pocket and pop it into my mouth right after I sit and usually I'll end up with that seat all to myself for the remainder of the ride. It's as good as wearing a T-shirt saying, "I don't want to make small talk with strangers!"


You have a pacifier? Wow, how do you have the guts to get out a pacifier in public like that? If someone did that where I come from, they would end up so bullied even by mature adults, and might risk getting looked upon as a "mental patient".

There are certain public situations where I'm quite comfortable with my paci in my mouth. I get a lot of stares and disgusted looks, but those who see me in person often feel intimidated by my weight, long hair, and style of dress, thus they leave me alone. I'm sure quite a few might suspect "mental patient", but I don't care.
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goatfish57
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30 Nov 2015, 4:22 pm

My favorite place is standing by the control panel. It gives me a good view of everything going on in subway car. Practicing small talk with a happy looking person works pretty well. But, not on a crowded angry train. In that case, I just find a place to stand and quietly observe.

Sitting feels restrictive and I prefer to stand.


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Fern
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30 Nov 2015, 5:39 pm

I try to avoid the looking-too-much vs. never-looking thing by smiling in the off chance that someone catches me looking at them... unfortunately this sometimes causes people to come over to me who are annoying and want me to get to know them =_=

I think this is more because I am a petite female than any other reason.



zkydz
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30 Nov 2015, 6:32 pm

I ride the subway mostly in NYC and sometimes a bus. Basically it's the same as everywhere I've been. People get on and don't interact for the most part.

I just sit there with the headphones on, trying to look at anything but people. What's bad though is that someone will get my attention and I've been caught staring without meaning to, or for some reason, couldn't stop staring. Unfortunately, sometimes, the other people will not allow peace and quiet.

Homeless woman sitting at the end of a train one day decided to tinkle right there at the edge of her seat. Just pulled 'em down and let loose with a torrent all over the floor. Had people puke and do other unhealthy things. Really bad, almost violent arguments.

It's just a cringefest from point A to point B. And it's worse if it's many stops.


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