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cavernio
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11 Dec 2015, 12:21 am

I just found self awareness a few hours ago. It's a whole other level of consciousness. I have never been so astounded in my life.

What does this make me, a paradoxical self aware autistic?


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ritualdrama
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11 Dec 2015, 12:29 am

My self-awareness is often what cripples me.


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cavernio
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11 Dec 2015, 12:32 am

Yes, it if so f*****g amazing to have that I could sit here for hours marveling at it.

Yes, it would get in the way. So do what, NTs have this self awareness all the time and it's not crippling,?


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ritualdrama
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11 Dec 2015, 12:37 am

cavernio wrote:
Yes, it if so f*****g amazing to have that I could sit here for hours marveling at it.

Yes, it would get in the way. So do what, NTs have this self awareness all the time and it's not crippling,?


My personal observation of neurotypicals is that they are the ones who often lack self-awareness. Maybe it really just depends on the person. I experience many neurotypicals as being inconsiderate and demanding.


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cavernio
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11 Dec 2015, 12:43 am

Self awareness has nothing to do with being demanding.

I'm trying to figure out which side is up right now. :-s Is autism a lack of self awareness and if so, what happens when someone on the spectrum gains self awareness?


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ritualdrama
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11 Dec 2015, 12:52 am

If a person is demanding and lacking in consideration for another's limits and continue to demand things, then that is a type of lacking self-awareness.


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cavernio
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11 Dec 2015, 12:58 am

That's s lack of awareness of you others, not one's SELF


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C2V
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11 Dec 2015, 2:26 am

Interesting, I was just thinking on this as something that caused someone else to disbelieve I'm autistic - I'm apparently "self aware." I understand self awareness to be cognition of what is going on with me, such as recognising my limitations and what happens if I abuse them. This hardly seems an extravagant thing for an autistic to be able to do - after all it's more obvious than with neurotypical peoples when you have pushed too far. If many autistics are above average in intelligence and tend to think logically, why should self awareness be surprising?
Caverino - can you describe more fully what you discovered or realised?


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danum
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11 Dec 2015, 3:23 am

I'm extremely self-aware, and this is a major problem for me...especially with relating to other autistic people, many of whom seem to have no sense of self-awareness at all. So...there's no place for me in the NT world, and there's no place for me in the autistic world.

It's much deeper than just this though, there are so many issues.


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cavernio
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11 Dec 2015, 6:19 am

It is mind blowing. I could never have dreamed or imagined such an experience as self-awareness exists like this. It happened about 8 hours ago now but I'm still almost reeling from the impact.

I'm going to sound crazy but it's a higher level of consciousness. It's like a logic puzzle, getting here. It's seeing oneself as a derivative of what's below. It's literally a derivative of self. It's f*****g amazing. Like so amazing. I feel so blessed to have had this opportunity (no I'm not religious). There's no...way I could have known about it. It's truly amazing. I would recommend anyone get here if they can because it's so damned WOW to have gotten here from not being here.
I was worried I was going crazy for a large chunk of the time, that's how intense and novel the experience is. This is sci-fi s**t.

I didn't understand, at all, the difference between awareness and self-awareness, before this. I liked, had to start using those words with fully understanding of what they meant right now.

A sleep later and it's still intense. Less intense, it's not easy maintaining this level of heightened awareness, I'm not doing as great a job as I was when I started simply because it's not novel to me anymore.

I guess this means that I was, (and still am I suppose), on the spectrum, right? Because all NT's have self-awareness naturally?? Or is that not how it works?

It seems very strange to me that not more people talk about this because it's just so cool. It feels like the world's best-hidden secret or something; self-awareness!


I got here by umm, drug use, marijuana. Not high anymore, but the self awareness was a result of that, not because of it, so it's still there.


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cavernio
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11 Dec 2015, 6:25 am

If this, (if you take what I'm saying as truth) means that I've been autistic this entire time, then damn, I did a really, really amazing job a fitting in. Like, I understood signals and social nuance. All the logic behind it, I understand it all. I have no problem navigating the social world around me. I just get tired easily and it's my internal world I never understood, not the external one. And I understood things like cold, hot, bathroom, anger. Didn't much understand other emotions.

I'm like, tripping.


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goatfish57
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11 Dec 2015, 6:32 am

Enjoy yourself, epiphanies are awesome. You may want to look into the practice of mindfulness.


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cavernio
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11 Dec 2015, 7:18 am

Lol mindfulness as a thing to do finally makes sense! It never did before. There was nothing to be mindful of, or what was there was like... Washed out.


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cavernio
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11 Dec 2015, 7:24 am

I forgot, I'd used the word transcended. I've transcended.


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ritualdrama
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11 Dec 2015, 10:20 pm

cavernio wrote:
If this, (if you take what I'm saying as truth) means that I've been autistic this entire time, then damn, I did a really, really amazing job a fitting in. Like, I understood signals and social nuance. All the logic behind it, I understand it all. I have no problem navigating the social world around me. I just get tired easily and it's my internal world I never understood, not the external one. And I understood things like cold, hot, bathroom, anger. Didn't much understand other emotions.

I'm like, tripping.

Is this your first time smoking?


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Min27
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12 Dec 2015, 12:54 am

Congratulations on your discovery. I believe you're trying to describe how you're able to separate your 'self' from your emotions and impulses, analyse them and exercise your freedom to choose them. To control them. At least that's what I feel self awareness is.