I am losing faith in women

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Hence it is not my problem. Like I kept telling everybody on WP and to my family and friends I am always right. I have good observation skills and I have learned a lot from being sidelined from most social situations. I am smart at making things less of an assumption.

Its bloody ridiculous for women and NTs making excuses and judgement on my poor social skills or whatsoever. It seems they cannot learn to adapt the new environment or condition of people being different. They continue to have their own problems without resolutions. It like people denying the help from you where you really have a skill to solve it. That is very rude of them.

There is nothing I can do to change myself to make people to trust me more. Its their own control of emotions and attitudes. That just pure example of 20 somethings life. Not assertive enough. Just too passive or aggressive to win their own game.

That why I have no faith in women its because they kept denying me and make me to lose at everything when I try to make my life a living. There is a trapdoor in every scenario.

Wow, what an opposition in such a short period: "I will fail if I am not reaching that goal." is fatalistic. And the last sentence is freakish and very much "magical thinking". Something Piaget sees in preschool NT children; a psychiatrist might also say "narcissitic", but I think it is more correct to put it in terms of a developmental deficit. This goal setting, and obsessing about it, is BTW a typical Asperger thing. But still, you put it to an extreme.

You are emotionally pretty unstable. Something reasonable people dont like in a relationship. Someone else commented that you are a Drama King, I second this. If you need some role play because you missed it as a child, it is better to do that mostly in a more playful setting or thread, Wrongplanet is not the worst forum for this either. (This is a serious suggestion.)

You also show a preference for extremes in your arguments and points of views. You do as if the big majority of women from 20 till 30something get regularly drunk. That is simply not true. I also dont like very much how casual sex is promoted like being something like a very normal thing, but all in all this is better than the bigotry 2 generations ago, and again there are big differences between people, and it is not the majority of people. Then just because you dont find any pleasure or sense in partying, it does not mean that others dont do either.

There was also something about your superior intellectual capacities. So it might be good to remind you that Asperger comes with theory of mind deficits and a lack of COGNITIVE empathy. Just because you have some abilities others dont have and extreme principles, you neednt feel superior to others. Ever heard of the feeling of superiority being the outflow of a minority complex?

You also despise people who get a girlfriend after being 1 month in a new city. Or actually you despise more the girlfriend than the guy (which is sexist BTW).The same with your despise for partying women. You are convinced that you are very moral and principled when stating this. But you actually get across as terribly righteous and envious. And this image others get of you is the realistic one.

Sorry, that I join the people here who say that you should work on yourself and be patient. Most of all you have to get your self-image tuned down and see better how and why the image others get from you counts a lot. A healthy personality is formed by equilibrating the image of oneself against the feedback given and the image mirrored by others. For us here, you are not how you want to be, but how you behave.

Still two more things: "That why I have no faith in women its because they kept denying me and make me to lose at everything when I try to make my life a living." NOOOO. Women are not responsible for everything. Please be aware that it is bad to say that. Simply bad. In the sense of committing a sin (I am not religious, it is just to make you understand what I mean). It is not good to say bad things. And you have the choice not to say them and take words like that back. Women are also not denying you. They dislike some of your behavior, or a bigger part of it. They are afraid of what would happen if they spend more time with you. They sense your big frustration and anger, and so they are rightly afraid. That s it.

As long as your anger is so palpable, you have no choice but to stay a bit away from women when being upset, and to learn slowly and patiently to appreciate more the little relations, with men and with women, with potential romantic partners and not, the quite superficial ones like exchanging some more words with a nice cashier, the ones that come to a stop before even starting properly, the ones with a promising start and an unpleasant end, relations where some bonding, little as it might be for you as an Asperger, takes place; I have said elsewhere today or yesterday that this is the key to be able to develop and maintain a good relationship. I hope this procedure makes some sense to you.

Oh dear. It may look at myself thinking what I have done in past 6 years through uni. I did everything wrong? I blamed ASD for scaring people away. I lost friends because of Aspergers symptoms. I never knew I am emotionally immature when you said it, as a claimed as other people told me too.

This Aspergers thing is not what I am trying to be. My frustration and sadness comes from the signs of Aspergers its because it where I wanted to be non ASD person. I never wanted to use my disabilities as an excuse on my life.

Now I am really disappointed at myself. Now I realised why I don't have proper friends and close relationships with opposite sex. I thought I did everything just fine as people's reactions still friendly and that. I never had more time being out of my comfort zone hanging out with many people last year. Well it must be all the typical traits of Aspergers is trying to limit my proper normally functional lifestyle. That probably why people have lack of intentional conversations with me.

My mind is stuck. That I cannot control, because its the wiring part of my Aspergers where that control my personality. I have so many people reflect on me as a nice, morale, intelligent, sweet, calm and committed type of person where it lacks in their world.

So now I am confused. Who I am? Am I emotionally stupid immature person at nearly 25 years old? Or being positively as being a nice, calm well mannered young man?

I am trying to be a best person for MYSELF. Not for the others. It has been for many years. I had counseling for 7 years and I learned more communication strategies and skills than many people at my age because majority of the population doesn't have an energy to go and talk to a counselor. Likewise if people have their own personal problems, it is likely they learn these skills and strategies. Not for the people who doesn't go, they will ended up immature.

My parents, school teachers and my first counselor told me I got matured at age of 12 because lot of people get into trouble at that age. Maybe your reflection, like many of other people told me why I appear emotionally immature its because of my disabilities that make me look like one?

Now I am starting to lose faith in people more now and losing trust. I cannot change the way who I am because I have changed so many times over the years, and I had enough. Every time I tried to change myself I got into depression and anxiety attack. Now I am the person who I am right now it is a same since Christmas 2014 where I became committed young man. I committing to life. A postgraduate degree, career employment, traveling experiences, gain social skills, talk and listen with people and learn more things about life, make new friends, step out of comfort zone to learn new experiences and so on.

Right now I did many of new experiences. I am starting a new life this year its because I am graduating in July. This marks the beginnings of true me as a young man that everyone would desire for.

So is this all I am doing is wrong?

You say that your are confused about the diverging comments you get on your behavior. There could be a very easy explanation for this: you behave differently here than you behave elsewhere. After all you talk about an issue here that is quite frustrating for you.

You dont relate much to what I wrote. Maybe you could go through paragraph by paragraph and say something to one point or the other.

I can totally relate to your duality of persona. I am asking myself similar questions at 45. I think maybe you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself. Wanting to get on with your life and such. Someone once said, "life is what happens when you are making other plans." I think this is true ... no matter how much you project possibilities and plan for them, it never goes the way you plan ... well almost never.
You have mentioned that you are in the final stage of your Master's. Cool. As far as dating goes, I hear academic conferences are great for meeting people of similar interests. Have you attended any?
Western culture's embracing of alcohol to excess troubles me too. I hope it is mitigated when marijuana becomes widely legal and maybe more people will take that route. Imo, gender is irrelevant to obnoxiousness when drunk.

Most of this sounds pretty O.K - till the phrases "marks the beginnings" & "everyone would desire for" which again is terribly exaggerated. You neednt "change", it is rather GRADUALLY developing one s personality through the interaction with others. That is a a lifelong process for everybody. The change comes with it. It is no more necessary to "mark" arbitrary dates for your own annal-writing as it is necessary to set absolute goals. That is just vanity.

I understand you well. Having Asperger's myself, I knew that a certain reality I have to contend is whether I should disclose my condition or avoid doing so. Both have their inherent disadvantages. If if I was to dislclose my disability I risk facing mockery or emotional degeneration, likewise, if I did not disclose my disability, I could find no way to justify or explain my occasional quirk.

Like you, I lost friends due to my Asperger's and being unable to properly balance the occasional necessity of disclosure.

Honestly, I think the best approach for anyone with ASD is simply to make a judgement that reflects the people one communicates with and how close you are with the person you are communicating with. I would never suggest anyone with ASD to disclose their disability in a prima facie manner, and instead wait in order to make sound judgement.

Maybe you are trying too hard to find someone? Sometimes when we appear too eager in front of someone we like it scares them.

Yes, it scares them and for some reason. The above "MUST" implies the following 3 MUST:
1. "If you dare to reject me, I will show you my anger, despise you and become an even worse misogyinist." You MUST not reject me.
2. I will be very controlling and jealous in the relationship for fear of loosing you. I dont trust you. I dont trust women. I dont trust anybody. You MUST stay with me, and the closer the better.
3. If you ever only contemplate leaving me, be aware that I can be very destructive. You MUST never ever leave me.

Sadly this is true. . .

You'd be surprised.

A woman beats you to death? Physical or just using a example. I don't mind being your friend. I find you very cool. Maybe we can talk sometime. Losing faith in women. Hmm. Are you saying that god didn't do your wishes and left you out? Science is really cool if you don't get bored of it.

My dream woman would be breaking all the laws of physics. Alas, I am forced to content my self with mere humans.

Frankly I lost track of where this thread was going but from what I'm understanding you seem to be emotionally unstable and really bitter against women. I concur that the party culture is disgusting and I wouldn't touch those women with a ten-foot long pole, or the men for that matter. Wouldn't touch any of them even with a hazmat suit on.

I do get confused at how some people seem to be able to pick up partners so regularly and so quickly after breaks. I'd be quite happy to just have "the one" as opposed to an entire parade of former partners.

Children are a waste of time anyway. All they do is grow up and embarrass the family name. The most you can hope for is that they get themselves killed before they disappoint you too much. I'd much rather have a cyborg cat than a child.

Does it occur it is ever so possible you may come off as looking down on people or thinking your better than everyone? For one no one is always right and having the attitude you are always right could certainly put people off, because then its likely whenever there is a disagreement even a minor one you assume the other person must be wrong. You might be smart but that doesn't make you always right or mean you are above ever making inaccurate assumptions.

Also it doesn't seem like you have a lot of tolerance for people different than yourself, you don't like women drinking, partying or if they've had lots of sex before meeting you yet it seems like this is the crowd you demand acceptance from. Everyone has problems but it's not your job to solve them all, sometimes people don't want help or their problem may be something personal they aren't comfortable having you help them with. It would be rude of someone to ask you for help and then deny the help, but it is actually rude of you to impose your help regardless of if the person wants it or not and demand they accept it.

You say there is nothing you can do to change yourself, yet it seems you expect all 20 somethings to change to fit more what you want and drop a girlfriend in your lap, but that is not how it works. It seems like you are blaming all your problems on women in general because you can't find one good enough. I mean sure if a woman you like doesn't go out with you it can cause disappointment but considering you're succeeding in college and such they aren't making you lose at everything.

I am listening and learning.

I am not really emotionally unstable. I may appear one by judging the way I write. I have been talking to friends this week and nothing is major.

I totally understand that I may be not right all the time. But sometimes I know I am right but people still people deny that. Like looking at the map in HCMC. We ended up going to right place because I told the girls it is in right direction and we are not lost. People tend to forget how to strategise in communication by listening to someone's intelligence.

I am also wrong few times, probably more of social side. My friends are teaching me about this part. So I am good. I also have a counsellor who continually teaching me about the skills as well.

My initial point on this thread is that I am frustrated with my generation is not committed in relationships anymore. I understand I got nothing to do with constantly partying and alcoholic women in my generation. I feel like old fashioned kind of person. I go after for someone who want to have a career with, get married and have children. Like my sister and her husband. They have a kid and jobs. I know there are women out there considering this pathway as well but its something to do with compatibility. Sometimes I feel the compatibility is ruined by my communication barriers due to nature of my disabilities where I cannot fix that. I am always wonder when women going to understand that and look past my challenges?

It may be that I am living in one of the western countries where the influence on society is damaging. Like sexism, racism, discrimination, stereotypes, addictions and mental health issues. I am not asking myself to leave the western country but I am asking for people need to think what their lives are really impacting on other people's lives.

I am really honest here. I am NOT stubborn and depressed nor being a silly person. I am confused and frustrated. I am ageing towards 25 and I am still seeing people being immature at this age. I thought 25 is better when I was 20. But that just broke out because its the influence of the society growth on personal issues.

I do not have many personal issues myself. I only have them as my communication and social skills. I assume that is a common personal issue.

All I wanted for women to give some guys a chance. Like many guys on this website is still looking for their sweethearts. I find this is a huge misconception towards communication and interpretation. I always wanted one chance. That would be a huge learning curve to accept that opportunity, and for that women to accept me she would learn a lot as well.

He could get a girl if he stops thinking about getting a girl.