I am losing faith in women

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I think there's a lot going on in this thread.... but from here from the viewpoint of a 50+ guy, I didn't recognize or find any right-fitting women (or men) in my 20's and even into my 30's. Really a late bloomer but as it goes in this community, but it does get better.

I'm not sure if the change comes in yourself or from others, but eventually for me I stopped looking at the ones that culture said were good, and found the ability to find great loving partnership. Yes, perhaps the most visible women in their 20's can be like you say, and the most visible men in their 20's are pretty bad too. But I do look back and wonder about some really good missed opportunities in that time that I just didn't see, or was too overwhelmed by life to allow.

That strikes me as being something pretty worth your while to explore further. In college, a lot of people of both genders go through a party phase, and it can be harder to meet people who aren't a part of that culture. But, if you don't trust women period, then you'll still have difficulties forming healthy relationships even after you finish school and people in your age group have started to settle down a little.

1)slightly more than half a year is nothing.
2)You had a chance with a woman, and you turned it down; that's not her fault, that's you making a conscious decision to not pursue anything. There is NOTHING wrong with this, but it does mean that you can't complain about never having a chance because no woman will talk to you.
3)If the woman you are interested in is very into conversation - and many NT women are - then it is no more shallow of them to not be into someone with whom they cannot converse well (you) than it is shallow for you to not be interested in women who are into things that you are not (drinking). Different people like different things, and *both* sides of a relationship have to match regardless of the genders involved.

I have met few postgraduates especially in their late 20s and some are 30 are still acting like 20 year old. Still carrying on silly things. I have a feeling that uni culture has dispersed since the rise of marketing. This attracts people to lose their minds.

How I develop trust with them? It doesn't even work after many brief conversations and that as they continually deny me and that. They kept lying to me about things, even after I found out it not who they are. I do want healthy relationships, but they need to stop going after too many wrong guys like a rebound effect. I can't see that is helpful at all.

I seen people get quicker than 2 minutes after moving into new place gets a relationship. I met quite few guys in my postgraduate classes got their relationships with someone so quickly after less than a 1 month move into new city. I got so surprised women accept that quick. I wonder why?

I didn't had a chance, and no one told me I had a chance. I didn't turn them down. They turned themselves down. I never said a word relating to myself to reject them. I am very cautious guy and I tend to avoid over dramatic relationships. Like in my previous post reply saying avoiding rebound relationships. My psychologist told me it best to avoid them because it not making you happy. Only you feel happy is when in relationships, and not being single. So who is wrong then? I never turned anyone down. None of them asked me out. I only asked them out, and they turned me down.

So what you want me to do then? Continue the business as usual scenario like being myself to finish my masters degree, go to sports as usual, go to meetup events as usual, start new job as expected and that? It seems every single post on this thread pointing me out that I am doing my life terribly wrong and scared every single female species away. I feel should end myself because what I need to change? To become an alcoholic opposite kind of person to make someone else happy? Geeze, stop telling me what to do! I am doing totally fine with my own life. I only just want a relationship so I need a company to be with someone! Not like changing everything of who of myself to become an alpha male!

Ecomatt91 I understand how you feel. I see people who are clearly unworthy of relationships (previous cheaters, bullies, abusers, low-lives, and just blatantly obnoxious folk) getting into them. But you know what? Relationships are not everything. If you do end up alone, so what? There is such thing as living life happily while being single.

Honestly, it seems like your search for a partner is bringing you sadness rather than happiness. This is not a good thing. It is also a sign that you should take time off from looking for this dream girl and do things that make you happy. Or better yet, focus on getting your master's. That sounds more worthy of your focus rather than looking for a partner.

Many years of listening to Radio 4 afternoon dramas has taught me that people are complex. The whys and why-nots of various couples drawing together will be multifaceted. People look for different things in a partner and relationship.



My advice to any and everyone, cliche as it is, is to be happy being single. Work on that before you go chasing a relationship. To ask someone else to make you happy puts a hell of a lot of pressure on them and the relationship. It will also make you more likely to try and stick the relationship out when it is doing you harm.



You're Aspergian, and hard of hearing. Those make things harder for you than were you not so, without a doubt. On a practical note, do you have someone who could observe your interactions with women and give feedback?

But your options are the same as anyone in your position: you could wait it out. You could put it on hold. Or you could give up. What you are after - and this is what anyone who wants a relationship is after - is:

1) Someone who meets your standards who

2) is also attracted to you.

It may well be that there is no woman you could feasibly meet who fits this criteria and you will go through life romantically alone. Sounds lousy, but such is life, and such is the risk for all of us. There may well be women you've met who were attracted to you, and tried to show it, only for it to not even register with you.

What we may have in cases such as yours is a situation where the kind of woman you are drawn to is not the kind of woman who is drawn to you, and that you may not be drawn to the kind of woman who is drawn to you. You wouldn't be the first human to be in that position, and you won't be the last.

You seem to be looking for a teetotal virgin. I would think that rare at your age, but then they may well be looking for the same.

You may reflect on your standards, and decide to change them. You may reflect on who and how you are, and work to change that.

As I said, my own experience has been one of 'approaching' women through a medium, be it ink-and-paper penpals, or phone message dating, or online dating. I have never done it directly. In the case of online dating, there were thousands of women in who held no interest for me. I don't think I needed it, but this gave me a welcome perspective. There were a fair few in who I was interested, but they were not interested in me. There were a few who were interested in me, but I was not interested in them. And finally, there were a few interested in me, and I was interested in them.

A warning, of sorts. The difficulty I might face getting into a relationship is as nothing compared to staying in one, to keeping one going. You may find the same.

Sometimes people hit it off right away. This tends to happen with me when I meet another biologist, regardless of gender and completely apart from attraction. When you meet someone who thinks the same way as you, it's evident pretty quickly.


You have standards. That's OK. What that means, though, is that YOU are doing some of the picking-and-choosing, not just the women you meet. The women who turn you down do so for the same reasons, though their criteria are different: 'I wouldn't be happy with this guy.'

Yes. Be patient. If romance were easy, there wouldn't be books and movies and entire sections of self-help books about it.

Women are not some other species. They are human, just like you, and you have far more in common with them than you realize.

WTF?
Weren't you saying something about not wanting drama, Mr. Drama King? Who said anything about suicide or becoming a drunkard?


Okaaayyy... Why are you on this thread, again...? Because you're happy with your life and everything's peachy?

My goal is to have someone, get married and have children. I will fail if I not reaching that goal. I never wanted to live in a monk life. This is no choice. This choice MUST occur because I said so.

LKL: There are way too many women drinks and they make fool of themselves when drinking. I met heeps of them at uni and in many towns I lived. They get drunk and that. I am not sure its a 20s something kind of thing. I am very certain why I am a late bloomer its because of their delays of understanding what life is about. It not all about alcoholism and party for wrong things. Its too hard for me to communicate with a 'drinking' girlfriend because I have struggles communicating with my family when they are drinking. They aren't drunk, but communicating is so extremely hard. I couldn't understand them at all. Plus the noise, yelling I mean, and the smell makes me feel sick.

I asked few friends here if they know or understand 'communication strategies'. Unfortunately they told me they do not know what they are! I got a surprised a little because I thought I am behind than everyone else in terms of understanding skills, challenges, adaptations, strategies and that at my age. Though I am not professional at this, but I know more than them because I learned so much from attending to several counselling and psychologist sessions. I find this is rather shocking to be honest. That why I couldn't stop meeting women who kept bagging at me. I never approached anyone without knowing if she is good person or not. I didn't make that approach to occur, because I didn't know! We were strangers once.

If so, why not employ different strategies that might be more effective?

I am employing lot of different strategies. Though I can't get them all working because the majority of people in their 20' aren't considering picking up these skills. I tried use these strategies with older people, like their 30s and beyond. It always worked, it is because they do understand these strategies.

There is a difference in results between the people who doesn't know these strategies to the ones who does.

I think you should stop posting on this forum.

Honestly, I just think that I got too much too quickly at one point in my life. Right now I am unemployed, although my wife is currently working for us both, and I just stay at home all day and play video games and go on WP. Now that I am done with school I kind of feel meaningless and empty.

Communication skills and strategies are something I really need to work on too however, as I don't know long my relationship will really last.

If you learn about these skills and strategies. You will know your relationship will last longer than you expected. It is worthful to learn and adapt.

It is sad seeing many people don't use nor consider these skills. Just makes me chill.

My wife and I got into a large argument last night. I was supposed to look for work, but instead squandered all my time playing Fallout 4. In retrospect, I kind of regret being so idiotic sometimes.