Do you get anxious when alone?
Most people with autism seem to prefer being alone. I get that, I was the same way for a lot of my life.
Thing is, in the past ten years or so things have kind of flipped around. As I got better at socializing I found my need for it increased, and has continued to do so even though I've kind of hit a snag in terms of increasing social skills. It's kind of frustrating.
I tend to get pretty miserable without someone around to talk to. Everyone needs some time alone now and then but when I get off work (or god forbid, have a day off) I end up with hours and hours to myself and it's absolutely miserable. I really, really just want to talk to someone or go do something with people. Instead I just don't have much to do that feels like it matters. I mean, I guess I could try to do something fun? Finding something like that by myself feels like a fool's errand more often than not.
How could these things be fun if there is nobody to share them with?
It's kind of the same way when I'm trying to get work done. If I'm with a partner or in a small group, particularly if I'm not in charge of the thing (I do best in the middle of any kind of hierarchy) I will get tons of stuff done. I have people to keep me on track, I know other people are relying on me, and I can bounce ideas off of others. I'm grounded and in touch with the work.
On my own, my mind wanders and it's hard to stay on track. Or I'll overthink one thing or another, or lose track of time. If there's a problem I don't have other people to help me look at it from a different perspective or offer input based on their knowledge and experiences.
Does anyone else feel this way? Like you just function poorly and feel worse when you have a lot of time to yourself? If not, how do your feelings on this differ?
I'd go with the second option in that poll, by the way. I do need a little alone time, but I start getting very anxious if it lasts too long. Some days though? More in the category of option one.
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Yes, I have autism. No, it isn't "part of me". Yes, I hate my autism. No, I don't hate myself.
I never feel anxious when I'm alone; I do prefer it that way.
There are times when I do benefit from the input of other people
There are times when other people inspire me to do more than what I'm inclined to do should I spend all my time alone.
My natural state is complacent laziness. I can be pulled of it, though, when, as I stated above, I am inspired by the deeds of other people.
That sounds like me through most of my teenage years, kraftie. It shifted around my early twenties when I realized how much happier I was when I was working with people or doing things with other people.
On some level I think I'm "a people person without people skills". Which is a bit rough.
When I'm alone I usually just don't know what to do. Very few things seem interesting or important and I often get a bit lost when I try to do anything that does. For me, it's not complacent laziness; it's laziness because I can't figure out what I am supposed to be doing and that is a very unpleasant state.
This is part of the reason I miss living in a big city; it's easy to find places where people are doing things.
Wouldn't you want to pick a place with more pleasant weather?
_________________
Yes, I have autism. No, it isn't "part of me". Yes, I hate my autism. No, I don't hate myself.
nick007
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Age: 41
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Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in the police state called USA
I used to love being alone but after I got my 1s girlfriend, I had a strong desire to spend time with one person. I love being with my girlfriend & was pretty depressed when I was single but I still like alittle bit of time alone.
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"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
"Hear all, trust nothing"
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition
That sounds familiar. Once I started forming close bonds with people I was upset when I was alone for very long. That's still the case. How are things going for you now?
_________________
Yes, I have autism. No, it isn't "part of me". Yes, I hate my autism. No, I don't hate myself.
nick007
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Joined: 4 May 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,125
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in the police state called USA
That sounds familiar. Once I started forming close bonds with people I was upset when I was alone for very long. That's still the case. How are things going for you now?
_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
"Hear all, trust nothing"
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition
Really glad to hear that.
Haven't had a significant other in a while, myself. It's very hard for me to open up to people enough for that to happen.
_________________
Yes, I have autism. No, it isn't "part of me". Yes, I hate my autism. No, I don't hate myself.
I feel some tension both alone and with others, but I think a lot of it is about the conflict I feel rather than a pressing need for company.
Past school age, there just aren't a lot of people my age that I get to see regularly for friendship or dating. My workplace is mostly people in their 30's or older who are my supervisors, with a handful of men my age mixed in. Things like meetups, etc, are a bit costly (time, energy, money) without a lot of promise. That's only to meet new people, not necessarily to befriend them or even see the same faces next time.
So, it's frustrating largely because I don't feel I have many options, and none that are appealing. I have to take my social time when it happens and when opportunities come up. I prefer to be making things happen, though.
Interesting responses so far. Still no votes for the first option in the poll, which is interesting if not unexpected. I do feel that way some days; I'd rather be just about anywhere then by myself. The days where I'm not, I get really anxious after more than a few hours without some kind of interaction. I just do not take it well. Used to be fine, but in the past decade I've become much more socially inclined. I'm pleased with that change but my ability to meet that need has not caught up with it.
Oh yeah, I get that too.
I had yesterday off. It was awful. A whole day to myself... and only myself, because every place I would have wanted to go was closed. I think I really need to work on "making things happen", myself. Part of my problem is that I don't open up enough to people though, so establishing connections that allow me to network like that is difficult.
_________________
Yes, I have autism. No, it isn't "part of me". Yes, I hate my autism. No, I don't hate myself.
ImAnAspie
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I am an introvert - not a shy one though.
I'm a loner and very happy with that!
I've always found my own company very pleasing. I prefer to be alone! Ever since I can remember, I've preferred to be alone.
I love my own company (at the risk of sounding conceited) but it's true.
I have found, I can stand most people for about half an hour and then I wish they would just go away.
Social interactions drain me. I get fed up very fast if I'm forced to socialise. I can't do it and I don't want to.
I'm a very happy introvert and there's nothing wrong with that or me. That's just the way it is!
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Your Aspie score: 151 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 60 of 200
Formally diagnosed in 2007.
Learn the simple joy of being satisfied with little, rather than always wanting more.
I'm a loner and very happy with that!
I've always found my own company very pleasing. I prefer to be alone! Ever since I can remember, I've preferred to be alone.
I love my own company (at the risk of sounding conceited) but it's true.
I have found, I can stand most people for about half an hour and then I wish they would just go away.
Social interactions drain me. I get fed up very fast if I'm forced to socialise. I can't do it and I don't want to.
I'm a very happy introvert and there's nothing wrong with that or me. That's just the way it is!
Certainly nothing wrong with it! You do you.
_________________
Yes, I have autism. No, it isn't "part of me". Yes, I hate my autism. No, I don't hate myself.
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