Do you cut people off when you speak?

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jbw
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03 Jan 2016, 10:13 am

Apparently so, even though I try not to.

I think the worst offenders are actually not Aspies but a subset of extroverts, who have an opinion on everything under the sun, regardless of whether they have any relevant expertise in the matter at hand, and who use any sub-second gap in conversation to establish their 'level of competence' and social status.

My main problem is that I must articulate complete trains of thought without being interrupted, otherwise I have difficulty picking up the thread again. This sets me up on a collision course with the kind of people outlined above, because when I embark on a longer train of thought, it is usually because I have extensive expertise in the matter at hand.



BeaArthur
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03 Jan 2016, 10:19 am

jbw wrote:
I think the worst offenders are actually not Aspies but a subset of extroverts, who have an opinion on everything under the sun, regardless of whether they have any relevant expertise in the matter at hand, and who use any sub-second gap in conversation to establish their 'level of competence' and social status.

I agree.


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kraftiekortie
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03 Jan 2016, 11:14 am

Especially when I was younger, I was impulsive in that sense. If I wanted to say something, I said it. Not much filter in me at all! And if I interrupted somebody, I'd feel bad afterwards, but didn't care at the moment. I've always had a mixture of extroversion and introversion.

I've gotten much better in this regard, as I learned about people.



Kitty4670
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03 Jan 2016, 4:46 pm

I do it when I'm talking on the phone to my grandmother.


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DaughterOfAule
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03 Jan 2016, 5:04 pm

I generally stay quiet so by the time I get to speak the conversation is usually onto the next topic. When I am around people I'm comfortable with, I interupt before they can move on and only realise I interrupted after the fact. Then I feel bad because I don't like being interrupted and I try really hard not to do it.


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FutureVet
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03 Jan 2016, 5:36 pm

I do it all the time without meaning to or awareness of it. The worst is with my parents because then they start talking about me as if I'm not in the room, not sitting right there.

Mom: You just interrupted your father!
Dad: She does that all the time. She's awful.
Mom: I know, she's so rude.

Believe me, if I could magically get better at this I would.


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littlecatinthewindow
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03 Jan 2016, 6:14 pm

I do this a lot by accident. I'll start saying something just as someone else starts to a second before, and I'll feel bad about it. Sometimes I'll even stop myself and let the other person talk first, just because when I start talking but someone else starts as well, they just carry on and I can't find the right time to say what I was going to say, if I still remember it.



Ilovesnails
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03 Jan 2016, 8:37 pm

No, but most of the time when I rarely get a word into a conversation it's generally cut off or interrupted by another person. Which makes me say screw it and give up on conveying my thoughts.



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03 Jan 2016, 8:52 pm

Quote:
Well, you notice I was happy to switch around when the roles were reversed. I don't think I'm above or lower, but based on the roles, one person is supposed to be serving the other. I treat a waiter differently than my dining companion, too - but then, I have been a waitress.

Yeah, I can see that you don't keep the roles rigid, as in you above another person in every context, but the hierarchical thinking is still there in this quote, too. I'm not saying you're wrong and I'm right by any means, just that one person thinks in a hierarchy and the other doesn't. I wouldn't treat the waiter any differently than my companion, except perhaps in terms of familiarity if my companion and I were more familiar with each other. I don't see them as serving me and thus in a lower position. We're just people, in place.
Quote:
Wow now that last remark strikes me as pretty offensive. If someone said, "I am attempting, in simply ignoring and shunning my autistic relative, to illustrate that I won't accommodate their stubborn refusal to deal with their disability by allowing them to stim in my home," this place would be all over you. An elderly relative is someone I would not interrupt, because I feel they are due some deference simply by virtue of their age and secondarily because of their disability.

Not necessarily. If you replace autism there, I think many people would agree that it is not in any way out of line for an NT relative to ask an autistic relative to stop doing something they are doing voluntarily because it is inappropriate. If you had an autistic relative who constantly talked over everyone, so no one else could speak or have their say, and no one else in the house could ever have a conversation when they were around because they talked over the top of others all the time, would you really just allow them to do so, without raising it and telling them that this was not appropriate? My relative refuses to deal with their disability voluntarily. I'm legally blind without my glasses, for example. This behaviour is like me refusing to wear my glasses, and then expecting people to accommodate me while I constantly run into things and have to be led around by the hand. I wouldn't get away with this, and in my view, neither should my relative.
With the respect issue, I don't afford others more respect based on age or disability, either. I perceive people as equal. I will concede some people need concession due to these things (I walk quickly, but with this elderly relative, I understand they are not as fit as they were and thus, we walk slowly, because this is all their limitations allow, it is it voluntary.) But hierarchical automatic and inherent respect due to age? Nope.


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Edna3362
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03 Jan 2016, 9:16 pm

I still messed up on one on one sometimes. Either I only talk or I only listen.

In group conversations, I'm still too clueless when to or when not to say a thing. And so I tend to fade away in the background or ditch them. I cant get their attention whenever I'm talking unless I end up rising my voice and interupting them.


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04 Jan 2016, 12:30 am

yeah, i interrupt all the time, sometimes im able to stop myself and remind myself that other people are talking, when i forget i apologize to the person i cut off and let them finish what they were saying. If i didnt notice that i cut someone off my sister or dad will tell me and ill apologize.


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04 Jan 2016, 2:02 pm

Yes. It's probably my worst trait. Drives my wife nuts. Since I've become aware of why I do it, I have tried my best to bite my tongue. It's still a very real "work in progress". :)


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JTheBoop
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04 Jan 2016, 5:57 pm

Yea. It happens for me to sometimes cut through a convo when i've got something in mind and i don't feel like waiting to say it.


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04 Jan 2016, 6:31 pm

I have trouble knowing when it's my turn to speak and I tend to be at least a half step behind the beat of a conversation so sometimes I do it unintentionally.

Other times I do it on purpose though because it's the only way I can get a word in edgewise. Especially if someone else keeps cutting me off, I will finally interrupt them on purpose.

Most of the time it's other people cutting me off when I speak.



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04 Jan 2016, 9:17 pm

My therapist told me to "wait for the period," but I forget or get so impulsive that I do it even as I'm yelling at myself for doing it.