Hi, new here. Very likely to have autism, but not diagnosed

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Hi,

So, I'm new here. I don't know exactly what to say here, but I'll give it a go.

When I was young, I was diagnosed with ADHD, and I have no doubt that's a correct diagnosis.

I've been bullied all throughout my school "carreer", which left me severely depressed. I also have been (and still am) susceptible to anxiety and panic attacks. I've had some friends in highschool, but in recent years I've lost all of them, and the only person who I would consider a friend (I'm kinda selective when it comes to calling someone "friend") is someone who also has autism.

There are some things about me that may or may not be typical for someone with autism. I'm actually quite talkative, and have learned throughout the years to engage in small talk, and I seem to be very approachable by strangers. When I was tested for my ADHD, I scored a verbal IQ of 120 and a performal IQ of 100. Maybe that's why my -soon to come- diagnosis has been postponed for so long: somehow I've always been kind of able to "hide" myself from other people, or at least be perceived as socially acceptable (after high school that is at least). Little has been done about my ADHD: my dad died when I was 13, and my mom spoiled me and I was basically allowed to do whatever I wanted. I decided what I wanted to eat, when I wanted to eat it, when I went to bed, etc. This has left me with no structure and poor self-reliance.

Several years ago I became severely depressed after losing my job and my current girlfriend having a miscarriage, and I became an alcoholic. Fortunately I recovered from that, and excluding one small relapse I've been sober for over 2 years now. It was in this period that I was sent to a psychiatric ward several times, and treated for depression. Both psychiatrists were of the opinion that I have autism (although one thought it might also be NLD), and from my weekly visit to my doctor it became more and more clear that I might actually have autism, which would explain a lot of things. I hardly wash myself, which I'm not proud of. It's not that I don't know HOW to wash myself or get confused or that I'm hypersensitive to the whole thing, I just... Idunno, I find it a waste of time I guess? Or i could be arsed to do it, but recently I've started to learn that it's not just about me, it's about other people around me as well who have to endure my smell.

Anyways, I think that's enough rambling for now, if you have any questions feel free to ask, it's quite hard to embarrass or shock me , and I hope I'll get to know a few people and maybe learn some stuff about autism and how to live with it.

Greetings!

Hey Biggieboy welcome.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!