Never wanted a relationship, does that change? Age 29

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Hi everyone,

I'm turning 30 this year, and up to this point I have dated 3 times (not 3 people, 1 person 3 dates), all within the last year and have no more desire to do more. I am not bitter or angry or hurt, I just find life much more interested while I am alone and things go by much smoother and efficiently.

I have to ask though, since most of the people that know me keep trying to set me up and persuade me to find someone, is it really necessary? As far as I can tell, everyone I know talks about heartbreaks and downfalls but that it's worth it in the end. It's much the same as people that overeat (I hope I don't come across as insulting, I'm not trying to be) but keep trying to feed me more because I am "too skinny". To me, I feel like the happy one. I am healthy and have no weight related issues, but the large people I know (all my family) are suffering from all kinds of weight related problems.

These are the same people trying to hook me up with a lady I've known for a few years back home who has seemed to express a great deal of interest in me (I live in SE Asia but am from the U.S.). I have received emails from her, all which I've ignored because I'm not interested in pursuing her and don't want to offend her.

Anyway, I see things the same way though. I have not gone through heartbreak (embarrassed a few times yes), nor have I had any problems with bad relationships or complications with finance, and since to me I have not had any real desire to date or be around women or men (I am not exclusively straight I believe), I just continue on as single. I like not being around people all the time, so I can't imagine being around the same person all the time either. Doesn't sound like a good idea to me.

But I can't help but wonder what happens when I am 40, 50, 60, etc. Will things change and I magically become lonely? Will I ever want to love someone or want someone by me? I have not once had a girlfriend, and I very much like it that way. I am genuinely content where I am in life and have no desire to change, much less beginning chatting with her and then trying to develop a relationship.

But, I am relatively young and want to seek wisdom from those who are older and wiser than me. So I ask, do people "fall in love" when they're not interested? Or does there have to be a desire for companionship in the first place?

Sorry for the long post,
Adam

Even though I like being alone I want a relationship with the right person some day without any trial and error which is error.
I know.
As for the op's question, I believe so as I fell for someone when I wasn't interested in any serious relationship.

Morning, or evening, i'm not sure what time zone you are in, or when or if you will read it
Do you have a kind of fear of being idolised?

How do you know you do not want something you never tried? You do want a love, this is why you made a thread about it. You are asking for help. Yes a relationship can be great if you are in it with the right person, otherwise its a disaster.

And yes people who dont like each other do fall in love. It sounds strange I know. I never liked or respected by ex fiancee as a person by any means yet I could not live without her.

Love himself made this happen to teach me lessons I needed to learn for the girl I am meant to be with. But nonetheless our love was real enough to become a legend and bedtime story in a small Texas town for all we went through to be with each other.

Dont be discouraged by a few NT girls that act like dogs ya know. Dont go for the type that just go on dates with different guys. Most cant hold a real convo and will never find their perfect man. Find a girl deep enough to hold a convo, maybe a aspie girl or something. Its still a chance that it might work or might not but at least they wont stomp on your chest or put you out there and embarrass you if they arent interested. And even if it doesnt turn into anything you might have a decent time.

I have had tons of 'dates' and only had relationships with autistic girls. On a side note I find everything much easier when you just ask a girl to hang out and do stuff non datish like you would do with your friends. They usually like that much more than dinner or a movie. Its so cliche and boring to be outright honest. Have fun and just be yourself and everything will fall into place, even the right kind of girls.

I think you fundamentally misunderstand what love is, if you think it's possible to feel love for someone you neither like nor respect as a person. That is not love, that is either lust or codependency (or both). A relationship that includes neither liking nor respecting each other is going to be a pathologically toxic relationship to all parties involved.

I guess the best rephrase of the thread is this.

I have never had any interest (sexual or emotional) with any person that I have known or had an encounter with.

I've just found everything else much more interesting in the world and have pursued that instead of finding a mate so to speak. It's been the same since I was in school until now.

However, everyone else I observe seems to be sexually and/or emotionally attracted to each other. I'm wondering what I'm missing, why I am disinterested, or if it somehow changes when by forced interactions with the opposite/same sex.

People talk as if it's the greatest thing around, but I don't understand how. It's as if I'm sitting at a banquet of delicious foods in front of me and everyone is fixated on the plastic sword in the sandwich.

Good morning, hehehe thank you for having this abrupt curiosity. The answer is "I don't have that fear" but I realized that I'd better google it before typing this..but it's too late. ((Abrupt Hugs)) I wanted to write some thoughtful respond..but my brain is still in the process of alternation of something..you know I've just got home..but the truth is my brain is usually doing this mean things to me..

Abrupt hugs to you too. Welcome back, hope your geographic adjustment is smooth.
I'm just taking a random friendly interest in how you think about relationships, just because i'm a curious cat

^^Just noticed the avatar. I enjoy Matthew Collings work.

I suppose I want a relationship, but I've never really perused one becuase I'm not sure how it would work. I guess I'm an extreme independent type that wouldn't want or need marriage, kids, financial dependency, cohabitation, etc.

For me I don't need a lot of time, quality matter more. This might come across as being a bit of a cad, but the couldn't be further from the truth. I'd just be doing my own thing, and would have to trust them to do likewise.

I don't want to put someone through that if they have conventional exceptions, it is not fair on them. I'm not sure where I could find someone who is also seeking a multi-independent relationship.

(((hugs)))Aww..you're so damn lovely. Why did you decide to take off your pictures by the way? Is it a good thing for you? I actually don't want an answer for the why. I just wanted to check if you're okay.

Thanks i appreciate that, and that you don't want an answer you are just seeing if i am ok
I'm fine, i just thought i would go anonymousish for a bit.
How are you my lovely?

Haha you know I was just being myself usually overly passionate..
I feel happy and healthy. I wish you do feel happy too!

I like exactly the amount of passion you have. Thanks

You're always welcome.